I am just exhausted and lost

Truetomyself · ‎17-12-2019

Hi
I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to help and read.
I have been struggling with anxiety and depression over a long period of my life and I am in my mid 30's.
I have been thinking about a few things and I really don't know how to go about it so I turn to here.
My experiences have been positive.
I have had 2 break downs and the one thing that really gets to me as I get older are feeling the tremors, especially in my hands.
I can just have days where I am so shaky and have no idea what to do with my hands. Today I sat and just grasped them together. My whole body can get shaky at times. There is no p panic attack.
It just trembled. It is frustrating and tiring. If you have any ideas please let me know and I would so appreciate any tips.
Also there have been more bad then good days the last few weeks.
I am just not myself. I know my job ended and I did fall down but I got back up considering how I usually am.
But I am starting to wonder and get frustrated with the roller coaster of anxiety and depression.
I am up and down. I am starting with a new psychiatrist in the new year and am seeing a counsellor as psychologists just didn't help .
My family has a really bad genetic pre disposition for major depression and anxiety at an extreme level.
I just don't know or want to have to deal with this forever, but I think I will.
I know there are ways to help and I have tried so many.
I know medications have to be changed as the body gets use to them and I just wonder when this will all be over with. I don't know why so many people suffer with this and it seems to not look like improving.
The stigma is still there and it is frustrating. Even if I see a new GP as I have I feel like I am proving myself not to be another pill popping junkie.
I hate proving and explaining myself. Having depression and anxiety is a job.
I am hoping to start work in the new year and pick up my study again. Because you have to have that piece of paper to show you can do it. I have a degree but I want to move into a new field but it seems my mental illness gets in the way.
I have tried mindfulness, exercise, using phone lines, attending group sessions and the list goes on.
I am not trying to be negative but I just don't want to be stuck with this forever or stuck full stop.
For Christmas I would just want my present to be my anxiety and depression to go away.
Thank you for reading and helping.
I truly appreciate it.

Purple4 · ‎18-12-2019

Hello

I just wanted to post a quick reply. I am in a brain fog at the moment as I'm having surgery in the morning.

You grabbed my attention when you said your hands shake. I have suffered from this for all of my adult life. I also get it in my arms and legs but it's the hands that are most noticeable. Well over 20 years ago I was diagnosed with Familial Essential Tremor. The tremor feeds my anxiety. People forever ask, why are you shaking and it made me very paranoid. I was forever hiding my hands. When I had to sign my name in front of someone it would become impossible.

I am interested to see if anyone else suffers from this. Hopefully I will be back on line in a day or two and can check in with you and discuss this further.

Take Care

Truetomyself · ‎18-12-2019

Thank you for your message and letting me know.

Samfromwa · ‎18-12-2019

I get sensory issues, electric shocks on my feet, buzzing, crawling sensations feet and hands, shaky hands. I get those symptoms from anxiety. I also have edhlers danlos syndrome disorder, that's a disease of the connective tissue all through the body. It gives me physical anxiety because my body always has to repair itself so no anti anxiety meds or physcology or anything works and I've tried it all and spent thousands. I'm happy though. Ive accepted it. I just dont care any more. I dont care what happens, I don't think about it much even though I have anxiety all day of every minute. Get use to it, distract yourself, learn to accept it, learn to deal with it. Self sympathy will only hold you back. Nobody cares, doctors don't care, society doesn't care and no one really understands till it happens to them. You're not special, im not special. People can't walk, see, hear but they deal with it and adapt. If talking about it helps, talk about it, if anxiety pills help, take the pills but never self pity, that will only prevent you from being the best you. Use the pain like I do and work harder, beleive in yourself. You are not going to die, you are going to be ok.

Higgi · ‎18-12-2019

Hi Truetomyself,

I have the same symptoms, I get the shaky hands and shaking body because of my anxiety at random times and places. It definitely is frustrating and tiring but I found the more I wanted it to go away and focused on it, the worse it got. I usually try to just accept it and tell myself it's okay, at the same time I try to not let it take control by just continuing what I have been doing or if that gets too complicated then do an easier task where I know there will be success. Which then makes me feel good and then has a positive effect for next time.

In regards to medication I can't tell you much as I stay away from them as much as possible, just my personal preference. I do understand though that medication helps a lot of people and that's good! I guess it depends just on the person. It's sad though that there's still such a stigma around this whole topic.

But it also sounds like you have great ambitions for the new year with the new psychiatrist, to start work and take up your studying again! That's already a positive step forward.
I have recently started to work with a mindset coach, and it's been turning my life upside down. In a positive way! From not being able to live like this anymore to I'm feeling good and can do this within a few days. Don't get me wrong, it's hard work and there are setbacks but I can deal with them so much better now. And I'm sure there will be worse days ahead of me and that's okay too. We need setbacks and negative times to be able to enjoy and appreciate the happy times.
Maybe this would be an option for you, if you haven't already tried it?

Truetomyself · ‎19-12-2019

Hey Higgi,
Thanks for your idea and encouragement. I am just on my journey doing some complex trauma therapy and it will take time, but I am making some progress.
My session was very beneficial today and I am continuing to go.
I am finding out a lot about my family of origin history just to see if it has been there previously and it has been.
I know what steps to take.
I like your idea of a mind set coach. I will definitely look into it.
I am hoping to be pro active to get the help I need.
I want to move forward and get past the frustration.
Your words were kind and have filled me with hope.
I honestly appreciate it.