Hi all, just joined this forum. I think it's a beautiful thing to have this.
Just thought I would post a question that has been on my mind for a while. I don't know if I have anxiety but lately I've been getting this feeling where my heart would suddenly race and I feel extremely nervous and no amount of steady breathing or calming thoughts can change it. I'm a full-time final year uni student and work at uni as a tutor as well. And on the days I have classes this feeling would heighten to the point where I can't concentrate on study and have to go to the toilet several times. But once the class time comes, my mind stops this worrying and I can sort of get through the class without must problem. Then the cycle repeats again.
This also happens sometimes during one-on-one conversations with people. I would suddenly feel very self-conscious and my cheeks will start to tremble and I can feel myself getting embarrassed even though the conversation might be about something totally normal like movies. It's so bad to the point where I can't look the person in the eye. I don't know what it is but it scares me.
Lately, I've also lost motivation to do things. I'm currently on a mid-semester break from uni and I planned to do assignments over this break, however, I cannot bring myself to focus. I wake up everyday then sit in front of the computer but get distracted very easily. Like I would open my assignment up and then feel overwhelmed by sadness and then try to cheer myself up by watching funny YouTube videos but that ends up wasting my entire day. I can't help it. I've never done this before. I don't know why I'm not motivated.
My parents don't know because I hardly talk at home. It's hard to talk to them because they don't understand depression or anxiety. My dad thinks it's all in my head and that I can just change my thoughts in an instance. When I once told him I was sad he said things like "Don't think so stupidly, just change the way you're thinking and you'll be fine" so I have never told anyone anything since.
I think the major reason why this feeling has blown up is because I'm worried about not securing a graduate job next year. Companies are recruiting at the moment and I haven't been to interviews and got rejected by 2 of the companies I applied for already. I'm an introvert and I just can't make myself seem employable. It's so sad.
Anyway, sorry about the rant. Hope someone can tell me what it is I'm feeling 😞
Thanks everyone!
