Help with anxiety disorder and ageing

CassieBun · ‎03-01-2019

Hi I am 61. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I work as a hairdresser and have multiple ailments. I went back to work today after a short break in 43 degree heat getting in and out a hot car to do hair in people's homes. I have been a mobile hairdresser for 19 years with hardly any breaks due to being self employed. I am worn out and tired. Tonight I came home and literally broke down. I cried through exhaustion and the heat and had to go to bed. I can't cope anymore. My husband doesn't really understand, my doctor fobs me off. I do not want to go on anti depressants. I am not overweight and try to keep reasonably fit due to my job. I come from a family of depression, suicides and my three siblings have schizophrenia or bi polar disorder. (My brother suicided) I feel like I'm going mad most days. I am struggling with ageing and the thought of working another 6 years after working 45 years with very few breaks and being a single mother. I have retrained in various areas to try to get other work but to no avail I believe due to my age even though I present well (on the outside at least). I just want to know how other people cope with anxiety, over thinking and sadness almost daily and getting old. I am happy go lucky on the outside but broken inside. I have NOTHING left in me. My circle do not understand my sadness.

geoff · ‎04-01-2019

Hello CassieBun, welcome and I'm sorry your thread hasn't been replied to and it's probably because the site has been busy and any unanswered threads move onto page 2 quickly.

My sincere condolences for the passing of your brother.

It's not easy working by yourself with all the different weather conditions and not everybody has the temperament, as I also worked for myself, I'm 64 by the way but retired, and basically only responding to those who are going through exactly what I had to struggle with myself here on BB.

Can I suggest that you find another doctor and if you click on'Get Support' at the top bar, then scroll down until you see 'Find a professional'.

These doctors are aligned to BB and specifically deal with mental illness, there hopefully you will find a doctor suitable for you.

If your previous doctor 'fobs you off' then taking any antidepressants (AD) wouldn't seem to be encouraging, but it's well worth finding a good doctor and then talking about taking AD.

Anxiety disorders are much more than just nervousness and worrying, and the chance of developing depression to your anxiety disorder is high, they both happen together, although at one stage your anxiety will be much stronger than your depression, then it could happen in the complete reverse, in other words, one can trigger the other.

What I'm worried about is whether or not you are exhausted, I'm not qualified to give you a diagnosis, only a doctor can do this.

Would love to hear back from you.

Take care.

Geoff.

Moonstruck · ‎05-01-2019

Dear Cassie Bun

I just had to reply even though I am not very helpful at giving medical advice on who to see, what to ask for etc. But yes, you must be taken seriously here. How dare your GP fob you off? What you are suffering is real. With the history of illness in your family members, you must take extra care I believe.

You must be a very strong woman to have worked so hard for so long. You deserve a break. I can feel your tiredness and sadness through your words and wish I could take you out for coffee or a cool drink...perhaps a walk along the beach in the sea breezes......If you do not want to go on A.D then don't. I don't either....I suffer from severe anxiety, sometimes very bad, sometimes manageable. And I over-think, but don't need or want antidepressants.

You need rest and understanding and someone to talk to. I believe a GP can arrange five free visits to a psychologist under a Care Plan. Please get some counselling face to face, even to have a friendly sympathetic professional person who listens and understands where you are coming from.

I can't help you with the "getting old" bit I'm afraid because I am in pretty much the same boat there (as is our friend Geoff who replied just before me). I recently gave up work, which was only part time....and it took about a year to get used to the fact that I am chronologically older than I look, feel or even speak and dress. I am not sure if I should suddenly "starting acting old" or keep being "myself".....I am not sure who I am any more either. It's a weird feeling but I understand. I think both of us will get thru the "getting older" bit.....more concerned about your health.

well I did warn you I wasn't much practical help...but just had to say Hello and wish you well....x

CassieBun · ‎05-01-2019

Thank you both for your kind words. I was having a particularly down day when I wrote my post. My mood swings can be very severe as are my anxiety levels. I have a reasonable insight into my behaviour but somehow cannot control my sadness when it comes as it envelops me to a point I cannot see anything good in my life. My family life has been very sad as has many people's but it's hard when you have very few people who understand what it's like growing up in a family full of severe mental illness, suicides, violence and addiction. I will seek out advice re seeing a psychologist. I am trying to live a new life but the past always haunts me and my work drains me but I do not have the finances to retire. I also see depressive illnesses in my nieces, nephews and my own son and wonder why we have been so unlucky. Thank you again to you both for taking the time to answer my post and for your kindness.

Moonstruck · ‎13-01-2019

Just touching base with you CassieBun...keep in touch if you can. "not enough finances to retire, work drains me, past haunts me".....yes I can relate to what you say and many others could too. That doesn't make your situation any easier though. Just know you are not alone.

I don't have the answer why life seems so unfair to some, it does though doesn't it? I know a nice couple whom "bad luck" has plagued them from the beginning. The lady had a physical health condition as a teenager that could have been managed better, and even cured with today's medical advances; and another list of seemingly random things have happened to them....why? I dunno. They never did anything wrong or broke the law. No one knows why some folk seem "unlucky".

anyway just checking in to say Hi and let you know you have a friend. Have you tried any meditation or relaxation CDs for when you go to sleep? ........see ya...Moon S

Moonstruck · ‎23-01-2019

Hello to anyone reading this....I am having a particularly low mood day....really really "depressed" which is not my usual condition....I have found my anxiety, particularly over the last very very stressful few weeks with technological difficulties that I've had to handle on my own.....at times spirals down into depression when the high stress situation gradually passes.....it seems this way now anyway.

I am confused about my "age" which I have never felt, but now confused that I have been acting "too young" for my chronological age..i.e. talking, laughing, sharing with others (who I've realised are much or at least a bit younger than me) have I been making a fool of myself? Are they laughing at me.."look at her...she dresses and talks as if she doesn't realise how old she is now...she thinks she is one of us..stupid old woman"...

I don't know who I am any more. I try to, and think I do...look attractive (for my age) I wear tight jeans and make-up because I can...should I stop doing this? Jeans suit me...my hair looks good...I don't know how to be this age..no-one warned me....I have been feeling great up to now...then a photograph will remind me how old and ugly I am.

Should I start socialising only with those as old as, or older than myself?......did anyone else notice their anxiety and/or depression worsening with age..or because they are "old??

I love the ocean where I live and haven't even been in it, this past summer. Does it belong to me any more...or is my older looking body too shameful to be seen in a state of undress among all the younger people? Are they looking at me and laughing? I would love to leap into that cool cool blue sea so close by....but am scared to. Do I still deserve to do things just for pleasure? Isn't that being lazy and unproductive? Just wasting time?

Cat67 · ‎24-01-2019

Hi CassieBun,

I am new to this group but saw your post and had to reply. I too just turned 61 and my anxiety is through the roof! I was prescribed a medication back in December (over prescribed) and my anxiety from that moment on has been horrendous. I've always had a "nervous" system even when I was a kid, but now I am older it seems to be getting out of control, though in this instance I think medically induced. I don't work any more, my two girls are 25 and 32 so one has left home and the other about to; I don't think that is helping my anxiety as I worry how I will fill my days when I have nothing to do - especially at the moment when it is stifling hot and the things I would usually do to occupy me aren't desirable. My Mum is 97, my Dad lived till 88. Previous grandparents were all long living yet I now have this constant obsession with my health. The Dr. has given me ECG's (about 5) and various stress tests, blood tests etc etc including even a brain CT scan and everything is clear yet I still worry. I don't think us ladies are helped in any way by menopause - I had mine at age 48. Lots of things seem to go haywire. I feel for you - I'm going to try some meditation therapies and natural stuff soon as I feel I can't cope with it at all.

Cat67 · ‎24-01-2019

Hello Moonstruck.....I hear you!! I am 61 (just turned) how old are you? I am slim, wear makeup when leaving the house, present myself well and like to dress nicely, not like an old woman but neither like a teen. Where do you draw the line? I wear tight jeans (so far I think I'm getting away with it) and people always tell me I look remarkable for my "age". I take pleasure in that but I also get a little depressed as I think I should be doing/should have done more with my life other than become a stay at home Mum when I had my first daughter and only a part time worker after I had my second. Hubby has always been the bread winner since. I could have had the big "career" but I put family first. Now I worry what will happen when both girls have left home (very soon) and it's just me and hubby rattling around in a big house. He is still working and we can't afford for him to retire yet. I get anxiety something shocking - much worse lately since I was prescribed something that disagreed with me. I worry about everything! My Mum was the same - she's now 97 so clearly she was never dying of some disease either.....like I often think I am. It's nice to know I'm not alone- nor are you.

Cat67 · ‎24-01-2019

And further Moonstruck......

I feel exactly like you! Am I too old to be doing this? Age is a hideous thing - I can't believe how quickly it has descended. Is it any wonder anxiety and depression increase with age? I've only got to spend ten minutes in a shopping mall to ask myself if I'm"past it" too. All those young, nubile bodies with perfect skin....it's depressing right? There's nothing we can do about it.....I think if I didn't dress like I do and force myself to participate in things I'd be a lot worse than I am. So if I were you, I'd do what you're doing and who cares what anyone else thinks?

Moonstruck · ‎24-01-2019

Thanks Cat67

I think you are right. If I stop doing what I enjoy doing and behave like i think "old" should be, I think I would spiral downhill very fast. I would lose myself very quickly I reckon, much quicker than the natural progression of time would do. Caring about my appearance and taking time with make-up, choosing clothes and getting the right hair style is still important to me.....even if no-one else notices.

Not sure why I began questioning myself just lately...I just had a horrible thought that I had been making a fool of myself in some way. I am noticing I am getting a bit paranoid and over-thinking things much more as I get older...

I was reading an old travel diary of mine when I went overseas in my youth...alone....and the girl writing it was obviously fearless and brave, open to the world and all its choice.. she didn't seem afraid of anything at all. It was hard to believe that girl was "me"! Now I'm scared of just about everything!