Hi all, just an old bloke who needs to unload some emotion and thoughts and hopefully get some advice. I'm a teacher of 23 years experience (currently primary) who deals with depression and social anxiety. This year my anxiety has developed a mind of its own and I am really struggling with the demands of the job. I have always managed to lessen the prevalence of panic attacks by simple avoidance - if I ain't there, it won't happen.
Unfortunately, I had a full-blown, nuclear-level panic attack a few weeks ago at a parent-teacher interview and don't know what to do now. One of my fears is confrontation and people thinking ill of me. A parent came in and from go-to-whoah hammered me about her daughter's results and my performance as a teacher. Never mind that her daughter is top of the class or that every other parent is happy with the job I am doing, whatever she said was relentlessly negative and personal. I could feel an attack coming on and tried to cope by saying as little as possible, but I wasn't able to defend myself. Eventually, the dam burst - I stood up, burst into tears (in front of a bout 5 or 6 other teachers and about a dozen parents), told the parent she couldn't talk to me that way and that I was suicidal (I'm not but at tha instant that's how I felt) and walked out. My boss found me and sat with me in a dark staffroom for 1/2 an hour while I sobbed and ranted. Since then, I have not returned to work - about a week and a half of leave and now holidays.
My workplace has been extremely understanding before and after the attack and are working with our WHS people on a gradual return to work. I could not ask any more of them for which I am very grateful. However, I feel extremely anxious about even returning to the workplace. I'm worried about the way other staff may treat me - I know it won't be unkind, but I don't want people to walk on eggshells around me. I'm fearful that the suicide comment is out in the public sphere and that the parent concerned may have told others or that the students will know. I'm panicky about the thought of parents approaching me, no matter how innocent it may be. The whole thing has made me a wreck. I've started on new medication but I just can't see a way to return without fear gripping me and making me a walking time-bomb.
I don't expect anyone to come up with what I need here but if anyone has any advice, I'm open to anything. Please.
