Health anxiety

[jaynedoe]

I am one of the unfortunate people that suffers from health anxiety. I was always an anxious person, and suffered depression as a teenager( I am 63) . I think the health anxiety really started when my daughter died from leukaemia in 1989, but I had other children to look after so I had to cope. It all got worse as I got older. This year I had a bowel resection due to diverticulitis, had a bag for three months, and had it all reversed. I am well condidering, had a few hiccups along the way, low iron etc. But this has been a nightmare for me, hospitals etc. I just keep thinking there is something else wrong with me, ( it's my heart at the moment) because to me it seems fast. The GP listened to my heart the other day and took my pulse and thought all was fine. I had 3 ekg's , you have one before each surgery etc, they were all fine. I hate these intrusive thoughts, not believing the doctors, I guess all of us anxious people have the same problem. I sometimes wake up and think I don't know if I can go through another day feeling like this. But I don't have suicidal thoughts, I just feel life is dismal at the moment. Has anyone been able to overcome this? I would love to hear from you.

[PamelaR]

Hi Jaynedoe and warm welcome to our community

Getting older is hard isn't it? I'm 65 and would love to be 30 again. But of course with everything I know now. LOL.

I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. My hubby has the same, though i think his is health anxiety. It's a trial, living from one day to the next thinking you have some illness, disease, chronic bodily dysfunction. Must admit I'm not always that patient with him. Though much of his anxiety comes from his 'health anxiety' so I try to be more understanding.

It is very difficult isn't it? Waking each day with that unexplained ache, pain, soreness - ouch what's wrong with me.

To be honest, it's okay Jaynedoe. It's okay to feel - not okay. Often there is a good reason for how you feel. Don't dismiss it. Health anxiety is an illness itself. I'm assuming you've already talked to your doctor about how you feel about your concerns about your health? And perhaps even talked with a health professional?

Intrusive thoughts aren't welcome are they? I'm not sure I have an easy fix for you. It does take time and a lot of work to change thinking patterns. A good psych can help with that.

Hope some of this helps. Keep reaching out if and when you want.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[jaynedoe]

Thank you so muchPamelaR. My doctors know about my health anxiety, (and they are wonderful) but they are medical professionals so they can only deal with my physical ailments. I think the problem reared it's ugly head this year because I was really ill, and it was hell. I do see a psychologist, but I was finding it hard to get an appointment because of my other appointments, and now he is really booked up. I keep hearing how help is out there, but I really think it is very hard to access for those of us who really need it. I was an extremely fit person before I got sick, even though I worried about my health. I am supposedly on the road to recovery, but that little voice sitting on my shoulder says I'm not. It is wonderful to now be on this fantastic forum. Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it .

[Health_Anxious_Mummy]

Hi Jaynedoe , if it’s somewhat of a comfort to you your not alone ,I’m almost 35 & suffer with health anxiety very badly I think I always had it but I had my mum around to banish any anxious thoughts but I lost her suddenly when I was 19 due to misdiagnosis So pretty much since that day I’ve literally been a health anxious worrier about everything and have a very tough time believing Drs , i constantly think every little thing is cancer and that’s not even what took my mum i have had thousands of tests , been in emergency who knows how many times and the only thing that has come out of it all is a thyroid condition & reflux oesophagitis which are both managed by daily medication I’m currently in a state because I’m worried i have oesophageal cancer although I’ve had 4 endoscopys since 2012 the most recent feb this year but because I’ve just had a chest infection my osophagus must be inflamed & my food is getting stuck sometimes I instantly think the dr missed something and now it’s growing these thoughts are always in my mind whether it be all I’m focused on or even when I’m busy they don’t go away and I should be having the time of my life I have a wonderful husband who thank god is supportive of my condition & I have a beautiful two year old son but I always just seem to worry so I totally get that life seems dull of course it is when you suffer with health anxiety it’s debilitating, I mean I can sometimes go months with being great only to wake up one morning thinking this is it I’ve got something very wrong and for no trigger reason do these lapses happen . So I really do understand, i hope i haven’t rambled too much but health anxiety is awful and i don’t wish it upon anyone.

[jaynedoe]

Anxious Mummy, I really appreciate your answer. It's so awful to feel like this when life should be good. I did have some issues with my bowel, as you may have read, but not cancer thank goodness, but serious enough to have two operations within 3 months. Nightmare stuff as I hate hospitals. My bowel is great now. All fixed, but I'm so sure now I'm going to die from heart disease like my mum, ( she was a smoker and had emphysema) . She died at 60, I'm 63, not a smoker and very fit. Had ekg's before my ops and they were fine. But I don't believe them. My daughter died at 3/12 from cancer, so not surprised I feel like this. I look at people and envy them the fact they are normal and can deal with this stuff. Isn't it a horrible feeling? I am spending a lot of time on my own, hubby on afternoon shift, I am retired, kids have left home. I have a lovely volunteer job and I do that Wednesday mornings, I love it and really enjoy the social aspect. Funny thing about this health anxiety, I am not the least bit selfish, and I would say I am a compassionate person, but I almost feel guilty about worrying about my health, as though I'm being self centred. As you know, it's about not controlling those horrible thoughts. If anything I worry about how my family would cope without me. I feel very low at the moment. Thanks so much for reaching out .

[anxietyalien]

That's exactly how I feel (that last part you mention). I mean, I don't want to suffer (which I don't think is very selfish), but I really don't want my parents to lose me like they did my brother. So I have really bad health anxiety, as I don't want to die before my parents. I've seen what the death of my brother did to them, and i'm the only one left - so I worry all the time about symptoms I experience. Then again, I don't want to lose my parents.... but I think that's selfish, as everyone should lose their parents first, not the other way around. So I just need to survive and make it so they don't ever lose me. I hope they don't lose me... Sometimes I have bad daydreams where i'm in a hospital bed with my Mum & Dad watching me die. I don't want that! They wouldn't cope without me, I know it. The sad part about this goal/hope, is that I will be all alone when my parents are gone. Being alone will definitely make me suicidal. Hopefully that is all a long way in the future, but I feel the doom in every scenario.

Alright, I think i've said enough here. I hope that you find a way to manage and work with your anxiety and health, so that you can start feeling better soon!

[jaynedoe]

Anxietyalien you sound like you are going through a hard time. Do you go to counselling? That might help, sometimes it puts things into perspective. Health anxiety is difficult when we have lost loved ones, or are worried about that happening. I lost a brother, daughter, and mum within 3 years in the 80's so I know all about that. It's so difficult to control thoughts. Please reach out and talk to a doctor, and he will get you referred to counselling, if you haven't already. I hope you will stay on the forum too.

[anxietyalien]

Hi there jaynedoe!

You are indeed correct - I am going through a bit of a hard time. And when you think you're going through a hard time, something comes along to make it even harder! (right?). My beautiful cat doesn't seem right since a couple of weeks ago. It's giving me bad memories from my dog in 2011 and cat in 2013 who both died from sudden, unexpected big C illnesses. They slowed their eating, lost weight, got weak, and died horribly. Very traumatising. It appears that my beautiful cat is headed that way, but I hope not. He went to the vet last monday (it's about 20/30mins away, which is a bit stressful) and came home last Thursday (no diagnosis). Was eating a bit more on Friday, but back down to only a little tiny bit these past 3 days. I hate how this is making me feel - as selfish as that is to say. I got 2 and a half hours of sleep last night, and in the past 3 hours or so, i've been feeling the effects from all the stress, worry, tiredness, and just everything. Like, none of this suffering is sudden - i've been feeling unwell for many years, particularly in the past 2 years - and just these hiccups make it so hard for me to find a way to get better. It's like i'm trying to climb a mountain covered in ice, and I keep on slipping way back down to the bottom all the time. It's wearing me thin!

Thank you for your advice - I actually wrote in my ol' thread in the beyindblue suicide section, earlier in the year, about seeing a therapist for the first time (1 out of a handful of free medicare sessions that the GP had me do a questionnaire for). It actually made me feel worse leaving than when I went in, as she was very adamant on me getting on the dole and getting a job. That's honestly the last thing I want right now - and I couldn't even if I wanted to! (these sick physical symptoms I get are so powerful. Like tonight, with all this stress and worry, i've been having toilet trouble, and it makes me feel delicate inside, like I can't move without irritating the sensitiveness of my insides). If I wanted to go back for counseling, i'd have to see if i'm eligible all over again, and I just don't have the energy to do all that. Plus, my Mum would have to organise it, and she has a ton on her plate right now. I just wish I wouldn't feel so mentally and physically abused by all of this - life, and such. I have no idea if I need help or if i'm just fine, and can get better with patience. It's so difficult to express and figure out. So much on my shoulders!