Health Anxiety Sucks!

[BrumBrum]

I've been pretty level headed, but since my son was born a lot of my self-care time disappeared, combined with my professional life getting very busy, I've been finding stress beginning to add up in a way it never had before. 

2022 took this up a whole other notch, I started with gallbladder removal, then mid year I went blind in one eye thanks to optic neuritis, which is perhaps the most stressful experience of my life. After all that I ended up having my appendix out in October. Long story short all the ingredients were there, but having a doctor tell me last week my vision loss was permanent. No recovery, plus not knowing why it even happened in the first place, and doctors thinking it's likely to re-occur, and potentially in both eyes... it just hit me really hard. 

Since Christmas Eve I have been experiencing panic attacks for the first time in my life. Up to several times a day. 

I've booked my GP ASAP but I'm just finding it really difficult. I KNOW my brain is doing excessive fight or flight, but it's incredibly difficult to try and calm myself or distract myself when the reminder of my anxiety is right there every second that I open my eyes. 

I think I'm at the point now where medication is likely to do a world of good because I am finding it challenging to function at work and for my family I am just constantly tired and irritable. I fall asleep and stay asleep OK, but wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all. 

I just can't believe how quickly this degenerated from being pretty manageable, to bowling me over. 

Logically I know it's not the end of the world. Logically I know so many people have such bigger problems and my life is pretty good overall. Logically I know I have one good eye and otherwise healthy and lots to appreciate in life, but my stupid brain just won't let me relax. Even when I'm not fixating on my eye, I find myself anticipating the next health crisis or bad thing that's going to happen. 

Even just reading back what I wrote, I feel like I am whining.

After 12 months of endless health problems, setbacks and stress... I just want to feel normal again. I wish I'd known that 2021 was the last time I'd ever be "me" again.

I suppose I should end with a question;

Tips for tackling anxiety triggered by what is right in front of your eyes in every waking moment? 

[jumpyjellyfish-]

Hi Brumbrum,

I'm sorry to hear of all of your medical misfortunes, that's an awful lot to be dealing with - its so understandable that you are struggling with health anxiety in the circumstances. You aren't at all whining - everything you are feeling is completely valid. 

I'm glad you have an appointment booked in with your GP soon, hopefully you can discuss the prospect of medication then.

In the meantime with managing anxiety, I find that staying connected with people and finding outlets like moving my body and being active, or setting aside time in my day for hobbies. Obviously that doesn't make it all go away (if only), but, it can help to give yourself the space to not have to worry. 

I also find that having a routine is really valuable when things are very overwhelming. It doesn't have to be complex at all, but just having that sense of structure and control can help when anxiety makes things feel so big.

Also, you mentioned knowing things logically, that things could be worse and all that. And while that may be true, as I'm sure you are well aware of, our logic and emotions have a tendency to not see eye to eye. Also, you have every right to feel this way. You're allowed to be anxious.

We are all here for you, I hope you are able to get the support you need. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Brum Brum

I’m really sorry to hear that you are experiencing optic neuritis. I know you are rightfully anxious and worried about your future.

In August I was also diagnosed with an incurable, inexplicable, rare disease which may cause mild or severe disability. It’s a tough pill to swallow.

I have found it best not to think about the future. There is no point worrying about things that may or may not happen.

I am doing lots of research into my illness and have joined two on-line support groups, where I am learning about treatments and medications that I have not yet heard of. At first it was scary because many contributors are more unwell than me, but there are also plenty of stories from people who are doing well and that gives me hope.

I have reframed this unexpected turn of events into an opportunity to work on my health. Exercising, eating well, paying attention to increased rest, and stress and alcohol reduction. It just makes sense to be in the best possible physical shape when dealing with an illness.

And all of this has greatly reduced my anxiety. I feel more in control and prepared to face each day—whatever it may bring.

I wish you every kindness and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kind thoughts to you

[BrumBrum]

Well, 
Good news. 
I visited my GP and asked to be put on medication. 
He had me do the DASS21 and I was on the extreme-severe depression and severe anxiety, so it was a no-brainer. 
Immediately it began to help with my depression, within 2 weeks my panic attacks had stopped and by the 6 week mark my life was back on track. 
It's helped me let go of my constant worry, and be able to laugh and enjoy life again. 
My eye hasn't improved, but it no longer defines my life - I feel like I am living a normal life again with the minor inconvenience of sometimes noticing one of my eyes is bunk, rather than living in constant worry about it. 

I feel lucky that the medication worked well for me and i havent experienced any long term side effects apart from initial issues like insomnia and digestive problems, which have all but disappeared now. 

I am so grateful. I am functioning at work again and just have my life back. Compared to 2 months ago when I didn't even want to be alive anymore. 

I'm also finding a lot of comfort in meditation. 

There is hope, and don't be afraid to get help!