Health Anxiety back in overdrive

MarkBt · ‎03-04-2016

Hi there,

I'm writing because I am really struggling at the moment. I have lived with generalised anxiety for most of my adult years, I'm on medication and most of the time I have had things pretty well managed. I'm able to function pretty normally after years of workin on the anxiety issues. My first child was born (and I was anxious about that for sure) things were going well when I fell quite sick. At first I thought nothing of it, but it dragged on and on. The doc started talking lymphoma, had to have a whole series of tests. It turned out just to be a nasty virus, but it really hit me were it hurts, it seriously raised my anxiety. Who wouldn't right? It was normal enough to feel that way. It left me with a nasty legacy though - health anxiety.

The next time I got sick (a year or so later I must add) I kept checking my temperature, every hour, waiting for it to go down again. I was so scared, so anxious, then a couple of illnesses in a row. All relatively minor but I was so anxious. I lay in bed worrying about a more serious illness that underpinned all of this. It passed and I was relatively healthy again. Health anxiety had become a recurring theme, every ache and pain, every symptom. I'd google them and study the causes. Just recently I have had a blocked ear, it has dragged on for months. Doc said it would take a while to go but the I recently got some kind of cold and it has worsened. Of course I had googled this and one of the causes can be a tumor. I immediately sieze on this and now I am extremely anxious. I have seen the doc again she is relatively confident it isn't anything serious but had referred me to a specialist, hearing test etc. My anxiety is now in overdrive, I feel like avoiding this now, I don't want to confront another round of nervous waits for test results. The high levels of anxiety that go with it. As i'm writing this I feel like I'm whinging and seeking reassurance. But the fear is great and I don't want to confront it. I just know that the coming weeks will be hell, unable to function normally. I mentioned my children as my greatest fear is that I won't get to see them grow up. Really not sure how i'm going to cope.

MarkBt

white knight · ‎03-04-2016

Hi MarkBt

Health fears are more common than we think and like other mental illnesses there are the extremes.

Getting these fears into a proper perspective is the challenge and I think, having read your well written post a few times, you are in need of professional guidance.

You aren't "whinging" at all. The trouble with men and their pride, not wanting to post their problems. Front your issues head on and that means being open and when in need ask.

Doctors are trained to identify major serious health issues and I'm sure your doctor is 99% certain of the extent of your issues. So what can you do in the meantime?

1/ Relaxation. I had anxiety for 25 years and licked it. Rather than itemise my actions google the following- "Topic: Meditation- words of wisdom- it helped me for 25 years-beyondblue"

2/ Consider actions that will be major in change "Topic: If all else fails what can you do? Be radical- beyondblue"

3/ Mind diversion and positivity. It works!. "Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue"

4/ Control emotions "Topic: When emotions take over logic- beyondblue"

5/ "Topic: Meditation, words of wisdom, it helped me for 25 years- beyondblue"

The last one includes a wonderful talented man called Maharaji. His words really assisted me getting things into perspective. He is on YouTube.

There are thousands of thread son this forum that can help. Read a few each night.?

Tony WK

MarkBt · ‎03-04-2016

Thanks Tony,

I have been trying to get on with things today, not think about it. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. Hard when the physical symptoms are a constant reminder. I couldn't find the post ending - be radical. The discussion around the related posts were interesting. I'm reminded looking at the kids - they just live, sure they have their own little anxiety moments but on the whole they just do what they feel like. I'm often jealous I can't be that liberated! Then again I could be radical and within reason do what I need to.

It's also testament to how far I have come as well. The irony is, 11 years ago in my darkest hours I may not have cared if I died and now I am afraid of exactly that. To that end I know a lot has changed. It has almost gone too far in the other direction. Too much to lose.

white knight · ‎04-04-2016

Hi MarkBt

yes it is hard to find that thread. I found it "Beyond blue Topic: be radical"

Your last post is a lot better than the OP. There is a distinct difference. And this is an example of the cycles we can go through, up, down, up.

Children of course keep us in the sane loop. They provide perception.

That "radical" thread is an important one for you I think. See, so many sufferers stick with their known securities, their property, lifestyle and employment. I have always changed these things, not always at will but as a result of my erratic manic behaviour. I thought about it once and realised there were benefits in being that way. Negatives too but its worth considering all options.

Tony WK