Has anyone experienced something similar? xx

[pinkwren]

Hi there 🙂

I'm new to the forum, but just wanted some advice 🙂

I am a recovered anorexic and I have always been very, very skinny, even way before I developed my eating disorder. I find it extremely difficult to gain weight, no matter how much I eat, not because I am controlled by my ED, but because it seems like I simply cannot put any weight on. I eat without restriction, and am at a somewhat healthy weight for my body at the moment, though I am told quite frequently that I need to "eat more". Specifically, my spine is mostly the focus point of people's comments, as it sticks out unlike most other peoples. For as long as I can remember, my spine has always been this way, even when I was very young.

I'm really insecure about how it looks and the repetitive comments are starting to really upset me because I feel like there is not a lot I can do to change it because it's the way I have always been. I feel anxious going out in public now, where people can see my spine because I'm afraid that people will think that I am 'sick' or still deep into my ED, when this is not the case at all.

I'm sorry this sounds so vain, but I just needed to get all of that out. Has anyone else experienced something like this, or have any suggestions as to what I can do?

I'm completely open to gaining weight, it's just I have no idea how to go about it because my weight refuses to budge no matter what I do.

Thank you so much for reading - I really appreciate it

xx ❤️

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello and welcome 🙂

Well done on getting your ED under control. I have no experience in this area, but I appreciate how hard it is to fight with our own minds.

Firstly I wondered how old you are, but it's really none of my business! I was always skinny my whole life and got nicknames at school like worm and string bean. It didn't change as I got older and people often commented on my weight. When I was pregnant (at 20), at my checkup I weighed 39 kilos. I ate like a "normal person" (whatever that is), but I guess I just had a high metabolism. It wasn't something I thought too much about, but other people seemed to find it interesting, so I get what you're saying about being concerned about other people thinking things. And I'm sorry that people feel the need to comment hurtfully on your appearance - I don't ever think this is ok.

When I wondered your weight - my metabolism kicked in around 27 and I put on about 5 kilos. Then I put on more weight the older I got lol. But that doesn't help you right now.

You say you're at a healthy weight now is that right? Have you spoken to your doctor about your weight recently? A gp or dietician could have helpful advice for you if you are wanting/needing to put on some weight. Aside from that, perhaps working on some responses to people who feel the need to comment on your weight might be helpful? Wouldn't it be lovely if we could accept everyone as individual instead of thinking everyone needed to look/be the same carbon copy.

Kind thoughts, Katy

[pinkwren]

Hi Katy 🙂

Thank you so much for replying! Thank you for sharing too - it's really helpful to read that someone else has gone through something similar 🙂

At the moment, I am still seeing my doctor regularly for weight checkups and things (right now I'm about 51.5kgs), given my history of an ED and how I drop weight really easily without trying. (I'm also nearly 16 for reference 🙂 ) Although my BMI says that I am underweight, I'm assuming that the weight I am at the moment is healthy for my body as I am (little tmi) menstruating normally, and haven't missed a cycle since it returned about 18 months ago, despite my low weight. I'm not entirely sure if that means I am at a healthy weight now, but I'm told regular menstruation might be a good indicator?

I'll definitely start thinking about some responses for other people commenting on my weight 🙂 Yes, it would be so nice if everyone were accepting of the way others are, and know that everyone is different, and everyone's 'normal' is different too 🙂

Thank you so much again for replying and giving some really helpful advice! I really appreciate it!

Hope you're doing well and kind thoughts to you too ❤️

Much love,

pw

[MissBenthos]

Hi Pinkwren,

I too grew up very skinny, not because of an eating disorder, that's just how my body was. It seems to be a very common thing for others to think it's OK to comment on the way someone looks. "You need to eat more" was a comment I heard so many times, and it usually came from people who didn't even know how much I ate. Separate to eating, my mum would point out other physical flaws and tell me how I needed to deal with them. Overall it was pretty hard to ever be happy with my body with people consistently telling me how it should be.

Extending beyond the physical, people also have the inclination to even tell us how we should live our lives. Some typical things being "don't start your own business, that's risky", "when are you getting married?" & "time's running out for children, gotta get in now". I couldn't agree more with Katy on how nice it would be for everyone to be accepted on our individuality.

I tend to come back with things like "I like the way I eat" & "I'll get married when I'm ready". I'm interested to hear other responses too because it does get tiring. Sometimes I want to tell them off. It's likely they don't even care for an answer and are only projecting their own life onto us with these types of comments.

All the best xo

[pinkwren]

Hi MissBenthos 🙂

Thank you for your reply!

I completely agree with what you and Katy said about others accepting the way other people are. It can be so exhausting and frankly, quite irritating when people constantly think that it is their place to judge or comment on someone's appearance or where they are at in life, just because it is different from what they are experiencing.

Hopefully in the future, more people will be able to take a step back when wishing to comment on someone's life, and realise that everyone's life and experiences will never be the same as anyone else's, and hopefully embrace and accept that 🙂

All the best to you too xx

Much love,

pw x