Getting a job/making friends

[lil_lila_x]

I am struggling with overcoming my anxiety and getting a job and making friends. I always feel like I'm awkward and weird and I can't be a part of society or do "normal people things" I'm 18 and live alone, only have a couple of not very close friends, I've worked before but it was too overwhelming and I'm scared of putting myself in a situation like that again but I'm struggling really bad financially.. I was recently introduced to a group of people that seem really cool but I sat there awkward the whole time I didn't know what to do or say, where to look, how to behave.. I can't stop overthinking everything I do and say..

If you have been through or are going through similar struggles please just say hey or if you could offer me any advice or ways you have overcome it/are overcoming it please let me know 🙂

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Not only your anxiety but low self esteem, lack of confidence in social situations is usually more than anxiety alone.

Like all MI anxiety and possibly social anxiety has a long hard road ahead. But at the end of that road is peace so there is no option really but to whittle away at your problems and not expect too much of yourself in terms of results. Best situation is when you go to a gathering, if you get home and say to yourself "I spoke to two strangers tonight and it went ok, so well done" then you will improve your self esteem.

Any activity that involves people and communicating will help you as you will learn the hard way. The trick is to not take set backs to heart. Always bounce back, dust yourself off and try again the next day- not unlike dieting.

The core of many peoples problems imo is negativity. Negativity comes from ones environment and family traits. A home with positive people will produce positive children into adulthood. So, putting that childhood aside its time to find how to be positive.

Attending motivation lectures, reading up, training your own brain to find a positive in every negative, allowing yourself to fall down occasionally is fine- bounce back up, stay clear of negative people and be kind to yourself with your expectations.

Put these threads below into the search at the top and read the first thread-

Anxiety, how I eliminated it

Worry worry worry

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

The best praise you'll ever get

Motivation- search and rescue it

Focus and never ever give up

Changing mindsets

A little bit of reading that can change your life. Repost anytime.

TonyWK

[whitelilies]

Hi Lil Lila,

I am a shy and introverted person myself. I would not say I am unfriendly but I am definitely not someone who can easily chat to new people and keep the conversation going effortlessly. I was really bad that I sort of hid when someone knocked at the door and I hated answering phones. I am better but I think I have some degree of it still. When you said your work was overwhelming, was it the job itself or the people aspect? How long did you work there for? Because I can definitely say like most places, the first day or even few months will feel like you don't belong there. However people take time to warm up to people, they need to see a person possibly quite a few times/ talk to them a few times before they feel comfortable and safe to talk to them. So I would say definitely get a job, and keep going for the first few months and usually you will feel more accepted. Of course it also depends on the culture of the place, the people there (whether they themselves are friendly or not).

I cannot say the idea of meeting and sitting with a bunch of new people is an attractive activity for me to do. However I have made myself gone through this situation many times because like you, I want to have friends. I would say when no one talks to you it's because like you, they also have the fear of talking to someone they don't know. Don't be scared to be the first to iniatiate the conversation by introducing yourself. For me, I always focus on getting to know the other person, so I would ask them lots of question like what job do they do, where is it, where do they come from, what do they do on free time, etc. Most people would love to answer these questions, because it is easy to talk about themselves. And you hope from their answers, you might find some common thing between you and them, and talk more about it. And a friendly person would usually ask you back similar questions, although some don't. I think the anxiety comes from a bad experience, creating fear of the unknown. But if you do it and have good experience, like meeting someone you get along well, then the fear of talking to new people will be less and less. Hope that helps.