Generalised Anxiety Disorder

[Edwardikins]

Hi everyone,

I have been battling GAD and depression for a very long time now. I've gone through a few years of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and I've tried two different medications that didn't do much. I was recently seeing a psychiatrist who I didn't return to as I felt he was not a good fit. I have a referral to a psychologist which I am still working up to ringing and making an appointment for.

I've recently, well it has been six months now, moved interstate to start studying. I've already completed a certificate 2 and start a cert 3 at the end of the month. I'm having a lot of problems adapting to the new place. I don't have any family or friends here, just my partner, his family and my dog. My problems mostly revolve around my relationship. My anxiety has its ups and downs, but mostly downs of late. I am very insecure, paranoid, scared. I overthink every little thing, invent completely fictional worries in my head. I really don't know how I'm going to get through this.

I know I should be off to see the psychologist, and my GP for a new medication to try but getting there is so hard. Feeling alone, like I'm destroying my relationship more and more everyday... My partner is so supportive, at times I just want to leave because I'm tired of being the sad person all the time and bringing him down with me. Meeting all the new people who have been a big part of his life also sets my anxiety off. I'm always scared I will just be left behind. It is hard to go out with him at times, especially to larger gatherings, I stress and worry from the time I find out about it to the day of the event, all the while fighting myself.

Why does it have to be so hard? I just want to be happy, I have a great partner, I'm studying to become a vet nurse which I've wanted for a long time. I know i'm only holding myself back, but I feel like it is impossible to fix it.

[Starwolf]

Hi Edwardikins and a warm welcome to these forums.

Thanks for courageously sharing your story. it is a frustrating fact that finding the right help, support and medication often takes several attempts. We all have different needs so respond to different approaches. Also, like in any profession, some counselors and therapists are more helpful than others. Persistence is the key. Please, do not feel disheartened. Perhaps you could be missing a great opportunity.

I agree that new beginnings require adjusting. Fitting in a new environment doesn't come easy. Having your family, a supportive partner and a dog's unconditional love is a valuable asset. You are caring and concerned about their well being but right now, you are the priority. You are in need of assistance. I know how difficult reaching out in spite of previous unhelpful experiences can be but the effort will be well worthwhile in the long run.

Have you told your partner how overwhelmed you feel when meeting new people ? Social isolation is a by-product of depression. How well informed is he about what you are going through ? Few people are unless they have done some research. Information is available. Written info (booklets) are available for order in"Get support". Those are free. Our loved ones often feel helpless because they don't know what to do. Face to face conversation is not always easy.

Depression/anxiety compels us to concoct scary scenarios. Please keep reminding yourself that those are the works of mental/emotional unrest and seldom make it into reality. But you are not defined by depression. There's a lot more to you than this shape-shifting deceiver. With the right help, support and persistence, peace of mind and quality of life can be reclaimed. One small step at a time is the way to go.

You have already made significant progress re your studies, an achievement to be proud of. Well done ! Taking good care of yourself will go a long way towards realizing your dream.

Good to have you on board.

[Melissa74]

I can sympathise with the moving away. I just moved 7 hours away from my home town. I only have my husband, daughter & Sister in law here.

I am not depressed just very anxious. I'm trying to be positive every day but it is hard. Today the anxiety has been hanging around.

I haven't made any friends and I got a job 2 weeks ago.

Big hugs xo

[Edwardikins]

Thank you Starwolf & Melissa74 for your replies. Its good to know theres people out there who understand 🙂

I have made an appointment to see my GP in a few hours, hopefully to begin a new medication which I can take while I attempt to get things back under control while seeing a psychologist.

My partner knows all about my struggles, he is always there for me as much as he can be but there is always the fact he doens't completely understand what is happening as he hasn't really felt this way himself. He tries his best to fit me into his plans so I won't feel very overwhelmed which is great. He does alot to help me come back from the edge when stressing over things or inventing fictional stories in my head that will probably never happen.

Some days are definitely better than others. I try to remind myself that it is something that can be overcome and I just have to stay strong. Getting out of the house is something I really need to push myself to do more. Thankfully my tafe course this month will allow me to meet new people, while I try to find some social hobbies to build my confidence.

Your reply is very helpful Starwolf. I find lots of people do try to define people who are depressed by their illness, but there is so much more hidden behind it. Breaking through is the challenge and I hope to get there one day.

I feel for you Melissa74. Making friends these days seems to be increasingly hard. I hope you can meet some new people and forge lasting relationships 🙂

[Ash07]

I can sympathise also, and just wrote a post about this a couple of days ago.

I moved interstate a couple of weeks ago for work, a whopping 2000 and something kilometres from 'home'. My partner had to go back almost a week ago to sort out our house and will be up here in a few weeks hopefully. I don't know anyone except his mum who isn't around very much, and his aunt and uncle who live about 45 minutes away. I think loneliness is such a hard feeling to overcome. It's great that you went back to see your GP. I also did the same thing, and even though I didn't really want to go back on medication, I knew it would help, and is only temporary. Just like the situation.

My partner is very supportive as well and is trying to give me as much positive energy as he can via the phone and Skype. I think it shows us that even though we feel so alone, we really truly are not. In time, the sadness will hopefully pass and we can see what amazing choices we've made in studying and getting new jobs.

Enduring the in between is the hard part. I'm just trying to throw myself into exercise, TV shows and study to keep me busy. If I don't have time to dwell, I hope that I won't find time to be too distraught. Have you tried finding new hobbies? Anything to keep your hands and mind busy.

I hope you feel a bit more at ease soon. This is a really great place to find positive thoughts and wishes, and to express yourself without fear of losing a loved one.

[Edwardikins]

Hey Ash07,

I think I did read your post yesterday. Loneliness is hard to overcome, especially when you add on the loneliness your anxiety/depression convinces you to feel. Being away from friends and family is rough, though I still keep in contact via phone/facebook/etc.

I wasn't fond of the idea of trying a new medication either. It is rough to overcome the negative side effects and withdrawals of the last medication I tried. Hoping to have a positive outcome this time.

We're lucky to have such amazing partners 🙂 TV shows are a great distraction. I also game on my laptop which goes a long way to taking my mind off of everything. I'm about to take up knitting as a new hobby haha. See how that goes 🙂

[Starwolf]

Hi again and thanks for the feedback.

Kudos to you for making that GP appointment. I understand your reluctance re medication. It is true that most of it has side-effects but it is often a matter of trying different ones "for size". One sort may benefit one person but be unhelpful to the next. I agree that it would be ideal if we can do without it. Unfortunately, we sometimes all need a bit of a prop to help us over a rough patch. Sticking it out without it often ends up doing more harm than good. Please do not hesitate to discuss medication effects at length with your doctor...until you feel satisfied with the results.

Yes, letting depression/anxiety define us is a mistake. The less we identify with it, the less power it has over us as it creates a distance between our real selves and the condition. It makes sense. Feeling overwhelmed at times makes it easy to forget. But small steps and persistent practice will eventually contribute to de-programing, re-programing the mind. Step after small step do accumulate into long distance travel and small achievements into major victories. Being kind to ourselves and acknowledging every tiny success goes a long way to boost self esteem and confidence.

It is good to know you have your partner's support. Your positive attitude is a credit to you. Those are indeed important ingredients in the recipe for improvement. Depression comes and goes in waves. So we must keep reminding ourselves that waves are not the ocean, they pass and make way for calmer waters. To put it in surfing terms, I have found that diving under a dumper is the safest way to deal with it.

You are quite right, distractions do work. So do mindfulness exercises, calm breathing practice, creation/visualization of a mental haven to retreat to when it all becomes too much etc...It makes sense that a multi-faceted approach will help manage a multi-sided condition more efficiently.

Small efforts to get out and about are important. A good way to find out what a new environment has to offer and hopefully a chance to establish a connection with people we can relate to. Social isolation is one of depression by products. Although a lot of crock based on fear and ignorance, it is still a hurdle to be overcome. It leaves little choice but be selective and swap quality for quantity. Not a bad thing...

My best wishes are with you.

[Char2344]

Hello Edwardikins,

you have no idea how much your post resonates with me, thank you for sharing your story here.

I am from England and met my partner here in Australia about a year ago. Over the past 6 months, I have also become very paranoid,anxious and scared that my partner is going to betray me. I get panic attacks when he goes out with friends and I constantly invent stories in my head where he is running off with women from his work. It's slowly destroying me and my relationship but I've decided that I won't let this vicious circle ruin my relationship with my partner. I've learnt that knowing and wanting this is a huge strength and it seems that you have this within you too, try to draw hope from it like I try to!

I also have had terrible problems with GPs and psychologists here and find it a huge issue finding people who understand my issues. I don't want to rely on medication (although I think for lots it's a great way forward) so I am educating myself on mindfulness and breathing to try and help. It doesn't always work but it's a start for me.

Lonliness is huge for me, I'm not in my native country so finding friends to chat to can be hard. It gives me a boost to come on here to read and contribute, which also gives my partner and my mind a bit of a rest too.

I really hope you feel better, if you'd like to share what makes you feel better or any techniques I'm finding to be good, please let me know!