Full Circle

[Okberty]

I have posted before, got better and now I find myself back with depression and anxiety similar to my previous post

I had sought counselling through a psychologist and while things improved I don't think I took full advantage of the opportunity.

I feel alone, isolated and unable to break my feelings of helplessness. Work is my only activity which gives me social contact. Most of my feelings are caused by my procrastination habit which impacts my work and triggers anxiety when I get called out for not taking actions or completing projects I catastrophise being fired which is a possibility as I work in roles that put liability on the workplace. I regularly repeat the same mistakes.

I have no one too turn too to ask for help or to provide encouragement or sense of purpose. All my life I have struggled with maintaining friendships I was labelled as shy at a young age and have lived with that label since. I do not consider myself shy. I have no problem approaching people I do struggle to share interests with many though.

I enjoy time alone but find  I isolate myself too much and when I need friendship have no one.

Procrastination too has been a lifelong battle.  Things got worse  some 6 year's ago. I  moved here from NZ  because my now ex wife wanted too. I gave up employment I was experiencing success and ambition in. The marriage fell apart almost the instant we moved. Wife's controlling behaviour, and her affair which lead to discovery.of additional lies and deception  became to much to bear. I was at fault too. I had become more withdrawn and was very passive in the relationship.

I was recently contacted by the ex and suspect too this has been a trigger for my feelings now.  Her life is going well in comparison.

Since moving I have struggled to re-establish my career and have no motivation to do so. The role is the same  just at a lower level. I get no enjoyment from it and feel taken advantage in the workplace having been passed over for promotion only to end up doing the higher duties anyway.

I can't talk to my remaining family as in the past all I get told is to snap out  of it and to stop the self pity.

I know one of the ways out of the situation I am in is too change careers I don't do so out of fear. A fear of taking risk  has also held me back in life.

Need to make some changes but don't know what to do.

Thank you.

[Bob_22]

Hi Okberty,

Thank you for your candid post. It seems like you've been through alot and are currently struggling with being isolated as well as stagnant in life. Procrastination, lack of motivation and catastrophising are definitely common symptoms of depression and anxiety which potentially lie at the root of your issues. 

It is difficult to make suggestions as I don't know alot about you but if I were in your shoes I would probably limit contact with my ex. Especially with all the history you have and the fact that she is doing well in comparison to you. It may be best to stop talking to her for the time being and re-connect when you feel strong enough to do so. 

Regarding your work and shyness I might suggest you seek professional help from a psychologist. They can assist with breaking some of the thought patterns as well as procrastination/lack of motivation you are experiencing. Outside of that there are also some simple changes you could make to your life. You could start doing regular exercise which can improve physical health, mental health as well as improve your motivation. This also includes staying on top of diet and sleeping routine. Another great way to improve your quality of life and a way to meet new people would be to join a hobby group e.g. sporting group, art class, book club etc. Something that you're interested in and can discuss with likeminded people. 

Regarding anxiety, in addition to seeking professional help there are some simple relaxation strategies which you could employ regularly throughout the day at work or home. Here are some listed here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises 

These are only some suggestions. I hope these help get you started though. Please let me know if this helps and keep us updated.

Bob