from someone desperate to hold on....

[InThePink58]

Hello everyone, I am not sure how to put into words how I am feeling. Lost would be an ideal description.I should be happy because I do have a good GP, Psychologist etc. BUT all I want is to get back to work, I have been away for close to 4 months now, with no end in sight. I am just holding on to see what the outcome is for me. Perhaps today is just another one of "those" days.

Do others do this....holding on I mean?

Thank you, stay well everyone.

[Pixie15]

Hi InThePink58,

I am not sure if I have seen any of your other posts so I do not know why you have been out of work for four months. I do not think it is possible to schedule recovery. For me it is something to be faced one day at a time. But it is necessary to have hope and confidence that you will recover. Knowing that you have a good doctor and psychologist must help with that.

Are you okay? Your post sounds a bit negative. Please let me know if my response is on the right track and that you are alright.

thanks,

Pixie.

[white knight]

Hi inthepink,

Re: "I should be happy". That echoes in my mind of people saying to me "you have a good wife and a good job... why are you feeling sad"?

Happiness doesnt come sometimes with this or that. It comes when we are happy if that makes sense. You can have a good Dr and psychiatrist, correct meds for you etc but if your mind hasnt recovered or other life factors/stresses havent gone away then you will not be ready to resume your working life.

Healing cant be hurried up. Time takes its course. Recovery wont come quick.

I had a workplace anxiety issue in 1987. It took me 10 months to be ready to move on or return to work. It took me 12 months of therapy, I was on meds for 12 years and can honestly say that anxiety only fully disappeared after 25 years...a few years ago. That is my example, everyone is different but it is an example of the combination of time, medication aging, therapy and other influences like changing of my profession, my home location and removing toxic friends from my life.

You think you are ok, ready to return to the workforce etc. You might only really know if you have not recovered if you returned too early and then had high anxiety symptoms.

I've written several articles relevant to your situation that might help. Use google with beyond blue and the topic. They are:

Being positive-what's the secret?

Seeking the origin of anxiety

Meditation-words of wisdom- it helped me for 25 years

There's lots of reading on this forum that will help.

In terms of your question about "holding on". Yeh, its like you are hanging onto daily life with your fingertips. But, once you have accepted your illness as something to manage rather than wait for a cure, you will be standing a few metres from that cliff watching it...a safe distance. For me its a bit like someone giving me a rubics cube. Once I finally found the secrets of the cube and had assistance in unlocking its secrets I found it much easier to unravel.

I have my days too. About 2 days a month I'm a mess. It used to be a period of 12 straight days every 6 weeks. I'm happier than how I used to be.

Hope you are ok. We are here for you.

Tony WK

[Doolhof]

Hi In the Pink,

I am a with Pixie15, I am not sure that I have read a previous post from you so do not know what you are away from work.

Either way, it seems you will not be able to return there for one reason or another right now. Do you have the capacity to do some volunteer work somewhere to help with your self esteem and self belief that you are a worthy person? (some people out of work feel this way, I am just wondering if this is part of your problem)

Do you have books you have always wanted to read, projects to take up, a new hobby to try, research you would like to do, a computer course to challenge you?

I may be barking up the wrong tree here, but the world is out there for you to discover one way or another.

Without more idea of your situation it is difficult to offer any other advice or suggestions. Wishing you all the very best , from Mrs. Dools