For those who suffer with BDD

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello there,

Hope you are all doing ok. I want to start a thread for those who suffer from Body Dysmorphia, otherwise known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I’m struggling. It’s utterly debilitating. For those who suffer from BDD then you will understand when I say sometimes you just don’t feel ‘right’. Like when you are out at someone’s house or at the shops.. you need to just hurry home because you feel uncomfortable. I have a sense of agoraphobia. I feel very uncomfortable when I have to leave the house. I don’t go to the shops much anymore because I am worried people will pass me and think “WOW! She is the most ugliest woman I have ever seen in my entire existence.”
Does anyone else deal with this?
I walked to the Post Office last week and I felt massively uncomfortable as cars drove passed me. I felt like everyone was judging me and looking at me and thinking I’m just atrocious looking. I’m scared of leaving the house for public transportation and going to university. I feel disgusting all of the time.

[Sasquatchion]

Hi PsychedeicFur,

I am so sorry you feel like this. I also have BDD and I totally understand how you feel. Sometimes it's so difficult to even go to buy my weekly groceries, as I am concerned about what people might think of me. Can they see my stretch marks? Do they think my outfit is lame? My clothes feel tight in all the wrong places, sometimes I feel like they're squeezing me. If my beard isn't perfectly cut and my hair is a little shaggy I think that people will think I am unprofessional or a slacker.

It gets very overwhelming sometimes!

I am stuck in Sydney lockdown at the moment, but before the restrictions I would struggle to find an outfit to go to the gym in. I would try on all of my shirts before I find the one that "fits right" for that day. Sometimes they're too tight, or too loose or not long enough, ect. I think people must be making fun of me at the gym!

I have had to cancel numerous dated with my girlfriend for this exact reason - just feeling incapable of going outside because I think people are going to judge me. I am lucky she is so understanding and patient!

We're in this together PsychedelicFur!

Cheers,

Sasquatchion 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Psychedelic Fur and Sasquatchion, 

We wanted to quickly drop in and say how wonderful we think it is that you are both being so open about how you are feeling. We know that this is a really difficult thing to do, so we hope that you can both recognise the courage it took to seek support. BDD is a complex and challenging experience and so we wanted to check that you have both heard of the Butterfly Foundation.

The Butterfly Foundation are a specialist organisatiosn that support people with body image and related concerns and they offer support over the phone, via chat, or through online groups. You can find a bunch of options for support here.

They also have some information on BBD in particular if learning more would be helpful you.

You are also welcome to call us on 1300 22 4636 to talk through how this is making you feel, or if you need any support. 

Thank you again for being an important part of this community. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[PsychedelicFur]

Hello there Sasquatchion, hope you are having a nice day. How are you doing today? How are you coping with the Sydney lockdown? I can imagine it must be an incredibly overwhelming time for you at the moment. I’m in Melbourne. And it’s the same. So I guess, I don’t have to imagine... I’m living through this stress too! We are in this together. We can get through this.

Welcome to this thread about Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I am very sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. It is as you did say ‘overwhelming.’
The response you left really, truly resonates with me. I understand exactly what you mean when you say ‘people may think of you as a slacker or see you as unprofessional.’
I deal with that too. However it is based sometimes on the clothes I wear. Like if I decide to go to the grocery store when I am wearing tracksuit pants then people may see me as a ‘grub’ or they may see me as someone who does not have any ‘fashion sense’ Or they may not see me as ‘feminine’ and I really want to show off my eccentric and unusual style.. sometimes I feel less of a person when I don’t show off my style. 😞

I am so glad to hear that you have a partner who is patient and understanding. That is a true blessing. Fantastic to hear. I understand exactly what you mean - when you also say you have to cancel appointments or dates just because you are worried people will judge you. Again that resonates with me.

I don’t like it when people don’t give me notice when they want to meet up with me. I don’t particularly like doing things so spontaneously. I have to know in advance.. unless I really feel comfortable with that person or I am ok with being vulnerable with that person.. otherwise I need to plan what I am going to wear and how I am going to look etc.

When people cancel plans I get a feeling of relief because then I don’t have to stress about how I am going to look. People think I am being superficial but it’s our reality. Do you feel the same? Again I am sorry you feel that way. Although I am glad you have someone in your life who is understanding, supportive and patient. It’s a debilitating disorder because we don’t see what others see! It’s frightening and annoying. It’s like mind gymnastics.

Take care of yourself. Sasquatchion, hope I spelt it correctly. Apologises if I did not.

PF.

[PsychedelicFur]

Food guilt, oh how cruel!

[PsychedelicFur]

Would not wish it on anyone. Not even my worst enemy.

[PsychedelicFur]

It's one of those excruciating days once again. I don't even feel like leaving my room at the moment to be honest with you. I'm currently in the middle of online university classes and I am so thankful that I can have my camera turned off and people don't have to see me on 'my bad days.' In my new house, that we have just moved into, the bathroom has a massive mirror and I can see every imperfection that my body has. I don't like having such a big mirror in my bathroom, it is a real trigger for me. I think I may have to cover it up with a towel or a blanket very soon because I don't like seeing my body in such a distorted view. I fall down a rabbit hole of emotions when I look at my body in the mirror. I feel alienated. It is just awful. Today I feel really overweight, unattractive and unhappy. I refuse to leave the house on days like this. I spoke to my psychologist last week and he asked me a few questions in relation to the BDD and how is overall effects my everyday life. I always post selfies and update my profile picture on certain social media platforms, not because I want validation but it is a coping mechanism for me at the moment. If I feel down and need reassurance I will look at the pictures to help remind myself that today is just 'a bad day.' It is hard having a relationship with someone if you have a disorder like this that consumes most of your mental energy. I don't think I really want another relationship, at least for a very very very long time. As the people that I have dated have always used my BDD to take advantage of me and make me feel horrible about myself.

I have not been inside a grocery shop in weeks. I did go to the Post Office roughly around two weeks ago and was fearing every moment of it. My brain was startled by the thought of - that people would drive past me and say 'eww take a look at that thing.' or 'I'd never touch that thing, even if you paid me.' I have developed agoraphobia. I feel like my bedroom is my safe space and haven.

PF

[PsychedelicFur]

I refuse to let my BDD define me. I may have bad days but that won’t stop me from achieving my goals!! I’m strong and capable.

[PsychedelicFur]

Speaking to my psychologist more about my BDD this week during my phone consultation.

It has become an hourly thing now - I feel like each and every hour I perceive myself differently. I've been trying to have positive thought about my appearance each day so that is at least something..right? 🙂

[PsychedelicFur]

I tried to make myself a little happier today by doing more in depth research for my university assessments. My distorted views of appearance still are however consuming my energy. It’s extremely mentally exhausting.