first time with intrusive thoughts and I literally want to die yaz has made me have a mental break down

[anonymous44]

hello everyone I’m new here please excuse my terrible grammar I’m not the best with English

I started the pill about 2 weeks ago and for the last 2 day I have been having what I now know as intrusive thoughts and they are just devastating I don’t imagine the act of hurting people or anything I just think what if I was that a person that did hurt people it’s making me second guess everything I do in life and I am a mum of 3 so it’s just debilitating I just feel so broken at the moment and just so scared that it will get worse And I will start thinking about hurting people which I know I would absolutely never do but my brain keeps making me think it’s possible I just really don’t understand what’s happening to me and I’m praying to god it goes away I will be seeing a doctor tonight to start a mental health plan but if anyone else has been through something similar it would be great to not think I am actually crazy I have new I have never had any depression or anxiety every has been pretty cruisy up until now 😔 also I’m meant to be getting married in 11 weeks 💔

[Gambit87]

Hi,

I replied to your comment in another thread.

Im glad you are seeing your GP.

remember these are just thoughts, they are not you.

[anonymous44]

I’m so sorry I didn’t reply in the other forum my brain is just numb at the moment thank you very much for your reply I am trying to take ur words on board but I just keep thinking I’m not gunna get better and this is my life now and I just can’t deal with it which makes me depressed and then think about why I’m depressed (the intuitive thoughts) and then I’m even more depressed it is a really terrible cycle that I just can’t break I really hope this is side affect and the leave with the symptoms because life like this is not a life I want 😢

[Gambit87]

Completely understand how you feel,

I used to think the same thing, sometimes I still do when im having a bad day.

It is difficult, but it does get easier to manage.

[Meg_611]

Going on the pill always made me feel crazy for the first month! Its like it completely unbalanced my hormones and I just was a mess... I also got the same impact when I went off the pill. Keep telling yourself it’s just your hormones adapting to the pill... it should resolve with a month or so..

you also have a lot going on with a wedding and being a mum of 3.. be gentle.. can you do something nice for yourself after the kids go to bed? Bath, walk, chat with a friend or family member on the phone, do something mindful like colouring in? Meditation?

[anonymous44]

Just thought I would give an update I’m feeling a lot better today I’m still thinking things but my brain seems to be registering they are not natural or rational it’s more of a light beep then a raging car alarm if that makes sense I feel like I’m finally out of that black hole that I was stuck in it was a scary couple of days but last night after my doctors appointment my brain kinda started feeling numb like I was there but I wasn’t and after that I started feeling a little better I’m still very scared and anxious that it will happen again so I will still be going to see someone because it has shaken me to my core!! my head is absolutely killing from my brain going into overdrive for 2 days but I feel like I’m on the road back to being me 😊

I just need to add I have never had an experience with a mental health issue and how it was handled is absolutely terrifying I was with the doctor having an absolute panic attack in his office he couldn’t even take my blood pressure a few times because I was that worked up he offered me drugs which I said no I just need help I want to talk to someone this isn’t me I need help! He also asked me if I was suicidal which honestly I didn’t know the thought kept coming that if these thoughts don’t go away that may be something I have to think about he printed out a piece of paper with some names on it for me to call and try and get an appointment in a few weeks or months and sent me on my way that’s just not good enough!! My heart absolutely breaks knowing there are people out there going through things like this and they can’t get help 😢

[Thingswillgetbetteripromi]

Hi , thanks for sharing. Im sorry your experiencing these intrusive thoughts, it's really scarey and I remember when I first had mine.

They do eventually dampen and from experience they can completely go away but might pop up here and there. It's best to talk to a therapist. Anxiety and intrusive thoughts attack the things we care about the most.

You just have to know in your heart that you will never follow through and not get consumed by them. When mine come back I go oh there's that thought again and let it pass I do not become consumed by it if that helps. Don't feed it. If also been practicing mindfulness that really helps too.

Hope your doing better

Xx