First post, not sure what to expect - Anxiety and Depression

[Jay1234]

Hey, this is my first time actually communicating through one of these forums, not sure what to expect.

This last year has been pretty rough for me. I work in a law firm that often deals with a lot of high stress/emotional matters and through Covid, my office was inundated with more work than we had experienced before, so we naturally worked longer hours.

During the Covid lockdowns, my life was focused purely on waking up in the morning, working a 11 hour day dealing with high stress matters, then going home and sometimes working through the night and on weekends, due to the fact that the Melbourne metro area was locked down and there was very little else to actually do.

My whole day was focused on work and checking the latest covid cases and awaiting the next restriction announcement for almost a year.

I didnt think that being constantly overworked and the Covid environemnt had affected me as much until i felt everything come crashing down in November, when restrictions began to be lifted.

Within the first couple of weeks, it felt like Melbourne had reverted back to normal, as if the past 6 months we werent in lock down, confined to only travel in our 5km radius with an 8pm curfew - it was overwhelming.

And then thats when i felt like i was steam rolled by anxiety and obssessive thoughts largely surrounding my work performance, distrust in my boss's insight and leadership and loss of confidence within my own abilities.

Over time this consisten anxiety and anxiety attacks overflowed into my social life, causing me to basically withdraw from socialising with my friends and family, as most social interactions were too much of an effort for me.

Due to all this going on in my head, my work performance began to suffer drastically, which affected me severely as i had always taken pride in it.

This then snowballed into further obssessive over thinking and depression, as i struggled to get out of bed every morning and hated every second i was at work.

I managed to get in touch with a psychologist, which has assisted me in dealing with a lot of things going on in my life, but recently ive just been overwhelmed with this heavy weight in my chest, thoughts going 100kmph about work and thinking about the mistakes i made in my younger days coming back to bite me, despite how unlikely and irrational those worries actually are.

I just feel like my mind is in disarray and will latch on to any little worry and amplify it, despite how irrational it actually is.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Jay1234

Welcome to the forums. This is a non-judgemental space where people will offer advice and support based on their own personal experiences.

Sorry you've been struggling. You've had a lot going on, and sometimes we manage until we don't any more. You may be aware that there has been a huge increase in mental health issues in the general population due to the Covid impacts.

I think it's great that you have sought professional help. Is this ongoing? Given you've found it beneficial, I hope you can continue with it.

I agree that anxiety is like an octopus sending it's tentacles out and latching on to things. I feel that you having recognised this is a positive. From this perspective we can "think about our thinking", and seek to control our thoughts, rather than having them control us. So rather than letting them just play out, we can question where those thoughts are coming from and whether they are rational. Some other options that might be helpful are to keep a journal - writing out our thoughts can help us think them through in a more rational manner, meditation - can calm and still the mind, belly breathing - can calm anxiety and the mind.

It's no simple feat to get these things under control, so be gentle with yourself. You've gone through a lot, and you've managed it the best you could.

Happy to chat more, Katy

[sunnyl20]

Hi Jay1234,

I am really sorry to hear you have been struggling so much, it sounds like you have had a very stressful year. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been working those hours, under that much pressure, with little if any boundary between work and home. I can hear that you have been feeling really overwhelmed and it sounds like the anxiety and depression has really affected your ability to work and socialize, as well as taking a toll on your confidence.

It is great that you have been able to get some support from a psychologist - I hope that this continues to be helpful for you. Do you have anyone else that you are close with who you would feel able to talk to about what has been happening? It can often be helpful letting those close to you know so that they can be there for you and support you along the way. Do you have any time off from work or is there any scope to plan some leave soon? It sounds like you could really use some time out from work to relax and decompress. I agree with Katy, writing can be a really helpful exercise especially when you feel that your thoughts are all over the place and your mind is in disarray - writing can help you externalise and organise your thoughts a little, and can help you to challenge those thoughts and see them from a different perspective, if you are open to this it may be worth giving a go. Do you feel able to socialise at all, even just something very low-key and relaxed? It may help you to not feel so isolated in your thoughts so you are not ruminating on your own, but I do understand it can feel really difficult and take a lot of effort to hang out with other people when you are feeling rubbish, just something else to think about. Planning some small activities or things that you enjoy (or know you used to enjoy) may also be helpful - this could be going to a movie, going to the dog park, going for a nice walk, taking a bath, enjoying a meal out, whatever it is that might help you to look forward to something. Grounding techniques are another tool you may want to look into for when the anxiety becomes especially visceral and overwhelming (this page https://www.blueknot.org.au/Survivors/Self-care/grounding has some helpful info if you are interested).

And of course, please reach out on these forums as and when you feel up to it - we are here to listen. You may also find it helpful to read through other threads to read about others' experiences - you are not alone.

Take care.

[Gambit87]

Hi Jay,

Welcome to the forums. Good on ya for reaching out for help!

You've gone through so much - especially in your profession and dealing with what youve been dealing with.

I've experienced something similar - anxiety and depression really got to me, life pressures, feeling like I was stuck in a rut with no way of getting out, absolutely terrible intrusive thoughts. Then it just all came down on me.

With the help of my psychologist and working on myself, Ive learnt -

Forgiving yourself and being kind to yourself is so important. You're human - You're going to make mistakes, you're going to have off days, you're going to have days where you think to yourself 'I should have done better' - Thats ok! Forgive yourself and try again tomorrow.

Dont fight obsessive/intrusive thoughts (I know, easier said than done). Fighting them makes them so much worse, reacting to them just fuels their power over you. With alot of work, I've been able to get to a point when I view these as unhelpful and move on.

Self care - YOU are important. Take some time out for you and as katy has mentioned, meditation is a great way to calm your anxiety and the mind.

we're here for you!