Feeling Lost...

Daisy129 · ‎15-07-2017

I'm relatively new here and finding this a little terrifying but maybe it will help to share

I have been dealing with anxiety (GAD and social anxiety) and depression for my whole life but wasn't diagnosed til my 20's

I am now in my 40s and have had phases of life in which I have been able to be happy and productive

Right now though I am feeling quite lost, I have little children and am a single mum

I am good at putting on a brave face and dealing with the challenges of being a mum when the kids are here but when they go to their dads I just get this horrible lost feeling

The house is in such a muddle and I feel like I should use the time they are away to catch up on chores and clean but I just end up standing around the house looking at the mess and feeling overwhelmed

I tend to just eat food and watch movies instead, and then feel guilty for not doing anything

I keep trying to motivate myself to get out and go for a walk or do some exercise to get myself moving but I just cannot shift the feeling enough to get myself going....

Daisy129 · ‎16-07-2017

Thank you Sandra, it's hard to know in day to day life if anyone else is struggling, it seems from the outside that everyone else is coping really well, but I guess people might look at me and think that from what they see. I like that people are so honest and supportive on these forums, because there do seem to be quite a lot of people going through similar things and it's nice not to be alone. I was really worried about posting and thought maybe no one would respond but it has been very reassuring to have such supportive replies. Thank you for your encouragement, it is just a little push that's sometimes needed to tackle the first steps into a task that initially seems too big to get through. I feel much more supported.

Daisy129 · ‎16-07-2017

Thanks again Kanga! I hear you about the toys, they are the hardest thing for me. I think the biggest problem is that there are just too many toys. I am terrible at getting rid of things because I am so emotionally attached to their things and when I am strong enough to get rid of some, they get upset and then I give in and keep things.

Honestly, our house looks like a messy childcare centre, the kids have pretty much taken over the whole house. There are toys in every room! At least I have learnt to be ok with just putting everything back into toy boxes mixed in together instead of trying to get all the pieces of things back into their original sets/containers...

Hopefully one day soon I will be able to let go of some stuff...

Thank you for your support 🙂

CMF · ‎16-07-2017

Hi Daisy and welcome,

I know exactly how you feel! Do you mind if i ask how old your children are? When I first separated i was the same, looked forward to the break every 2nd weekend but then felt really lost and lonely. How long have you been separated for? It does take time to adjust. Do you have a hobby or anyone you can catch up with for a coffee or something? I know how hard it is to get motivated to go for a walk or get out but i can tell you from experience, once you start the motivation will start to kick in. That first step (excuse the pun) is the hardest.

There are also single parent groups you can join that do activities and outings with parents and kids and from there you can meet other single parents and possibly start to socialise when you don't have the kids. It's easier when you are with like minded people.

I hope some of these suggestions and those from others help. You will start to find your feet in your own time. In the meantime we are here if you need support.

Take care

cmf

White_Rose · ‎16-07-2017

Hello Daisy

I know The Toy Story, it can be a nightmare at times. My children used to leave Lego pieces lying on the floor and I would tread on them with my bare feet. Words would be said and not just to the children.

Periodically my daughter announces to her children that they were going to have toy and clothes sort out. She goes into the bedroom with one of them and they go through their various toys. If something has not been used for a while they have a discussion about whether to keep it. Generally the children are prepared to give away those things they no longer play with. Sometimes they want to keep something because of memories and that's OK.

The result is far less clutter. It always makes me laugh when she does this because she was the messiest child in the family. Perhaps you can talk about giving away toys that are no longer used. My church has an op shop attached and I used to work there every fortnight. So my grandchildren used to call it grandma's shop and were happy for their cast off toys and outgrown clothes to go there for someone else to use. They felt better about giving away toys for someone else to use than simply putting them in the bin.

Same thing with clothes. They knew when they had outgrown their clothes so off they went to grandma's shop or one of their younger cousins who could wear it. It's easier to pass on loved things rather than see them in the dustbin because the child will understand the toy still has a future life.

Shame about the housework. That was one of the best presents I ever gave myself. I have never been keen on housework and do it because I can't stand the mess. Yes there is a whole lot of procrastination going on beforehand.

Why do you think you cannot let go of their toys? Can you try my daughter's process and see what happens? Your children may be OK giving up things to go to other children. If you do this, take them with you when you go to the op shop or wherever. They will see their things are well received and know someone else will be happy with them. I think it's never too early for children to learn that all little ones are not as fortunate as yours and rely on second hand toys.

Writing in here is good for everyone. As you said, knowing you are not alone is good. We tend to see the outside of others and believe they have a good life. So often this is not the case. We all wear masks when we go out. Please keep writing about the things that upset and worry you as well as your successes.

Mary

Guest_523 · ‎16-07-2017

No worries. Thanks for your kind words.

Guest_523 · ‎16-07-2017

Danke Mary, Thanks for your kind words and advice. I will start my own thread soon.

Daisy129 · ‎16-07-2017

Hi CMF,

I have been separated for about 2 years, and it is easier than it was initially but I still miss my little ones terribly when I don't have them. I guess I had an expectation that I would be feeling better about things by now so it's a little scary not knowing if I will ever feel ok with my situation. My ex moved into a committed relationship with someone new quite quickly so that has been hard, but it has helped the kids to adjust much better and I am glad that they really like going there and are being well looked after. I always have plenty of opportunities to socialise but as I struggle with social anxiety, I try to avoid a lot of outings because they create so much stress for me.

I lost my job not long ago which was a good and bad thing. It was good for me to be engaged in work but the organisation I worked for was not very supportive of my situation and grew impatient with me having days off when my kids were sick. I was bullied during my time there and this did some real damage to my confidence.

I also suffer from regular migraines which I fear will prevent me from keeping a future job, as well as the issues with social anxiety which can make things like going to meetings and making phone calls very difficult for me.

Thank you for your support, I think exercise is a big one for me, it really does help me once I can push through, I think I just find it so much harder in winter to take that 'first step', especially when it is a 'grey' day, but I will keep trying:)