Feeling like a failure

[Bluey_moon]

Feeling like I'm failing! 

The new meds I think are working ok, I'm not as anxious! 

But I googled tonight, epic fail! 

I just want to feel normal again! 

I know I have to work harder! 

Today I just  need encouragement!

[Bluey_moon]

I'm thinking my family would be better off if I left. My husband is unhappy. My kids deserve a proper, present happy mum, not me 😭

[Dwwmills]

Hi Skye.

I’m glad to hear your new med is working okay. You may find that you get even more benefit from them the longer you’re on them. Don’t be too hard on yourself for searching on the Internet. This can be a bit of a two step forward one step backwards process. The fact that you realise googling causes you anxiety is a good sign. It can be hard work and quite gruelling tackling anxiety. At times it seems you don’t seem to be getting anywhere but I believe that the hard times are the place where you make the most progress. I use that as a sort of mantra when I was feeling down. It gave the down times some sort of meaning, that help me get through them. I would set my goals much lower in these times. To be able to accomplish anything when you’re feeling really down is quite an achievement. The negative self talk was always the strongest as well. This is when going back to basics with CBT is the most important. Find out what you’re thinking, examine those thoughts, challenge the irrational ones and replace them with logical helpful thoughts. I know you are an intelligent person and you need to stop trusting how you feel and start trusting your intellect. Using that app I mentioned before can help you identify the negative thoughts and give you some suggestion replacement thoughts.

Your family is never better off without you. You are doing the best you can at the moment and that’s all anyone can ask. Stop looking at yourself through a negative filter and try to acknowledge any positive things that happen. Allowing yourself to see the positive things you do can go a long way to you feeling better about yourself.

Sometimes for me something as simple as cooking the family meal can help change the way I look at things. I do the cooking in our house so I see it as my job. When I’m feeling flat I can tell myself that even though I’ve cooked a meal I have done nothing special. If I look at it harder though cooking a meal when the rest of my day has been really horrible really is something exceptional. I have a choice of looking at this event in two separate ways. One is allowing the negative thoughts tell me I’ve done nothing special. The other way acknowledges what I’ve had to overcome to be able to do that and is a much kinder and more realistic way of viewing myself.

Allow yourself to think of yourself in a kind way.

Dean

[Bluey_moon]

Thank you Dean! 

I don't have many words today, but thank you for caring and your advice. 

I saw my GP, he was good! I just have to get out of the "s" word headspace and accept I'm just fine! 

Im a bit heartbroken today but I'll re read your post tomorrow! 

Skye

[Elizabeth CP]

I will second everything Dean said. 

One of things I have been trying is writing down each day what I have achieved. My psch has encouraged me to include even the simple daily tasks that I tend to overlook. It is easy to think you have done nothing useful because you don't count the regular tasks. It is also important to accept that you can't do everything you would normally because you are sick. I often get annoyed with myself for being lazy. My psych reminds me that the lack of motivation is not due to being lazy but due to being tired and sick so stop feeling guilty and a failure and accept I need to rest to recover. I am still working on that.  My daily list does help me to be a bit more positive by focusing on what I have done rather what I didn't finish.

[Georgea1]

Hi i read your post that you feel like a failure and i just wanted to let you know that i totally understand and the fact that you want to work harder , man right on the money. Its amazing how you can go through anxiety and still feel down because you are not motivated to do what your heart desires and that brings us down , many times we even stop desiring because we know that we are not motivated or too anxious to achieve what we desire.   debilitated by fear of how things will turn out.Sometimes we compare our lives with other people that live without anxiety and think how their not appreciative of the health they have. Have been there many times man!!!!! tough really tough. BUT I REALIZED and this might beim hoping just a little bit helpful that the last thing that would slowly debilitate me in the past was my loss of desire , you see the reason why we get more anxious and more depressed and bring down ourselves at times is because we desire and we cannot proceed  what we want because of anxiety , but hey you know what the truth is WE DESIRE  YES WE DESIRE and that is the most important thing you see we wouldn't be disappointed if we didnt desire in the first place .The fact that you are going through this very difficult journey my friend and you are still desiring things to improve about yourself is an amazing achievement be proud of that give yourself permission to call that in its self a major achievement. if people were suddenly placed in our shoes to feel what we feel they would blow up within 5 minutes but yet you keep going how amazing so proud of you . You are certainly not a failure , i believe that anyone who can overcome anxiety even for just one day is a CHAMPION  im hoping that you can see your identity though your desire, love yourself the way you are,and give yourself permission to find the right time and achieve what you want even 5% for us is like 80 for others take your time build slowly and surely , lay good foundations and keep talking to yourself with kindness becouse you are great in the eyes of many that know what your going through. KEEP THE DESIRE THE REWARD IS THERE IT WILL MANIFEST SLOWLY KEEP GOING every blessing George

[Georgea1]

that msg before was for bluey moon

[Guest_1055]

Hello Skye

It is almost 2:30am and you are in my thoughts at the moment. I was wondering how you are getting on. I am sending out a big hug to you, just in case your heart is in need of one.

I care about you , 

Shelley xx

[Bluey_moon]

Thanks guys for your love and support over the last few days, although I haven't replied, I've been reading! 

I am getting there, just when I'm getting over one thing my old what if I start to beleive there is cameras story pops up (and I still don't beleive it),  I believe it's my OCD, as I stopped worrying about something else! My OCD tends to work like that! I Switches to another thing to another BUT I'm tougher than that, I hope!!!! I remembered my CBT Dean, and am challenging with realistic thoughts! 

My sister visited this weekend, and this has helped a lot, keep my mind busy, as I am just heading to occupy my mind now! 

With Hugs, 

skye

[Bluey_moon]

I just want it to stop, I want to not analyse every sound I hear, wonder if I'm hearing things?! Panic, everytime I hear anything! I heard something this morning sounded like a whisper from my daughter, she said she was grunting and stretching but I panicked! Worried I'm driving myself insane 😭