Feeling down

[RYT]

I don't really know what I want from this post, I just feel like I need to let out some of my worries. This is my first actual post.

I've just hit the year mark of having GAD, agoraphobia and panic disorder. All year I have tried what feels like everything - seen a couple different psychologists, been on different medication, changed my diet, read books, the lot. It feels like a constant roller coaster ride, but with more bad days than good. Recently I stopped taking the medication that I'v been on for about five/six months and am now suffering from terrible withdrawal symptoms. Since I stopped taking it I feel very ill and haven't been able to sleep (which makes the anxiety harder to manage). However I can't go back on that particular medication, so I just hope these withdrawal symptoms fade soon.

I guess what got me posting today, was the 'simple' act of getting a blood test (to check my thyroid), which was just a five minute walk down my street. On top of feeling ill, and being awake since 2.30am, the anxiety really kicked in today and I don't even know how I managed to get it done. I'm home now, but have already cried because I struggled so much to do it. I just really hope that I can beat this, because I don't want it to take another year from me. I've missed out on so much, and I feel guilty every time I have to back out of something. I feel like i'm about to go for round two.

Does anyone else feel so defeated when they can't do 'simple' things anymore, due to anxiety? I sure do. 

Regards,

RYT

[TheSteve]

Hi RYT,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through the past year, and especially recently. Anxiety is something that makes our lives far less enjoyable, wears us down physically and emotionally, interferes with our day to day, and tends to put a cloud over our heads and in our minds during both our waking and resting hours. I know this first-hand as do many who contribute on this site.

The good news is that anxiety is curable. Whether it is being brought about through physical issues or imbalances (ie: a thyroid that is out of whack; hormones; allergies; brain chemicals) or psychological ones (rapid thoughts; negative thoughts; habitual thought; fears and phobias etc.) there is ALWAYS a reason or set of reasons as to why we suffer. The key is defining the underlying causes. This requires a full audit of ourselves, both physical and mental, no stone should be left unturned and progress should be monitored, diarized, and tracked so that we can chart our way forward.

You are doing many things right: seeing a psychologist; going to the doctor to get checked up; trying medications; diet; reading books etc. Much of the recent intensity of the anxiety could very well be to coming off the medication. In this case, it should moderate at some point but you need to stay strong of mind and let this period pass without identifying too much with the feelings.

I will suggest some other methods which should help with both the anxiety during the day and preparing for sleep:

- Mindfulness: look it up online, there is much on the subject and this will empower you. Try The Power of Now by Tolle, very good. It is critical that you recalibrate "your" relationship with the thinking mind that is generating this anxiety.

- Relaxed breathing techniques: same as above, I find The Tao of Natural Breathing to be a gem by Dennis Lewis.

- Meditation: a follow on from the above two techniques

- Have your doc test you for allergies, food and seasonal

- Gentle exercise, don't overdo it until you feel up to it but fresh air in the lungs is critical

- Give yourself a long leadtime going to bed, and don't set the alarm (this just brings more anxiety). Rest as much as you need to, get your sleep right. If you can't sleep, then rest your body and mind as this too is helpful.

Please come back and chat anytime. I wish you well and we are here to help as much as needed.

Steve

[blondguy]

Hello RYT

Welcome to The BB Forums

I am sorry for the bad space you are in right now. I remember it so well. It is a dreadful time for you to be going through especially just 12 months after diagnosis. Anxiety can take time to pass RYT. You seem to be punishing yourself by being ill. Even though many people do, to be trying so very hard and seem to be getting nowhere is a common at this stage.

Your question "Does anyone else feel so defeated when they can't do 'simple' things anymore"? In the first few years of anxiety I felt defeated and guilty too. But eventually realized that feeling this way made me feel so drained and screwed my life up. I also discovered by being so hard on myself with the same thoughts as you was only making the anxiety worse.....or feeding the fire, so to speak.

RYT....If you were physically ill, as in a virus...broken limb....chest infection, you wouldnt be so hard on yourself because you know you have little choice except to care for your injury/ailment/broken bone. Same with the anxiety...It is Calm and True Acceptance (after much practice) of your anxiety that will slowly result in it have less severity in your life.

Treat it like any physical problem...There will be somethings you can do....and others that you wont be able to do. Fighting the anxiety only strengthens it. Acceptance will weaken it.

I see that you have seen a couple of therapists, and good you! That is a difficult and big step. If I may ask you RYT...are you seeing anyone (even a good GP) at the moment? With your current levels of anxiety you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by a fortnightly visit..You deserve to heal and have some peace.

Forgive me for asking another question RYT....Why did you decide to go off your meds? The withdrawals would be awful for you. You are an intelligent and well articulated person, especially by having the courage to post.

Anxiety meds will provide you with a solid platform on which you can heal RYT. People with high blood pressure or diabetes need their meds...We do too.

I do miss my snow-skiing which has been too difficult to do..and really crowded concerts I used to love but after many years of anxiety I have had to make some choices and yes there are some 'simple' things that I have great difficulty doing anymore. I just have had no choice except to learn how to heal using calm acceptance instead of fighting it and getting nowhere.

I do hope you can be 'Gentle' to yourself RYT

Here for you

Paul

[RYT]

Hi Steve,

I sincerely thank you for your reply. I will have a look into those suggestions 🙂 

I have been looking into mindfulness for a while now, and it has definitely been of most help. 

Regards,

RYT

[RYT]

Hi Paul,

Sorry had technical issues replying to you!
Thanks for your insight. I guess I am being quite hard on myself, I think I've just had enough of it.

I am seeing a GP, he is generally pretty good and always has ideas for me. As far as the medication goes, the reason I decided to stop taking the latest meds was because I didn't think they were doing anything for my anxiety, and if anything they made me feel dizzy all the time. I had to increase the dosage constantly and they are also quite expensive. What they did well though, was help me to sleep and get my appetite back. I was told I wasn't going to experience any withdrawal symptoms from stopping usage, but I have. I am trying to stick it out though. I do still take some relaxants every now and then though.

I agree that accepting it is far better than fighting it. Something I am working towards.

Regards,

RYT

[blondguy]

Hey RYT

Thanks for having the courtesy to get post back 🙂 I agree with you wholeheartedly about the meds. They are a pain and do need fine tuning as you mentioned. The meds (with all the CBT etc) gave me many years to build a foundation for my recovery. I didnt mean to be too 'pro-active' on meds...sorry. I did try several and then nothing but I just had to go back to the drawing board and fine tune again. They gave me my life back (95% of it anyway lol)

RYT....My first year was like yours....bad news....(1983)...There was really no one to vent to back then. If you need to have a gasbag/vent about anything we are here for you...seriously 🙂

Kindest Thoughts for You

Paul

[TheSteve]

Thanks for the note RYT. Mindfulness will not let you down, and it only gets stronger and more powerful with practice. A true life-changer.

I noticed something that Paul said above - his first year in recovery was 1983! That is a long time ago, and a long time to keep an impression of a certain experience so fresh in one's mind. This is powerful stuff. Paul has turned his pain into an amazing fountain of knowledge for others. As you recover and heal, the meaning of your pain and suffering will become clear. You are a necessary conduit for this experience, so that you may help all others who suffer.

It is unique, and to be embraced. All my best to you, let's keep talking and working through it. We are here for you.

Steve

[blondguy]

Hey Steve and RYT

Just seeing how you are traveling RYT....Peace will come in time...

Steve...Thankyou for your very kind and heartfelt words and your well articulated post of course.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[RYT]

Hi Steve and Paul,

Thank you for your concern. I seem to be in a better head-space today, which is good. Concentrating on uni work! Mindfulness is powerful stuff, you're right. I actually just finished one by Ajahn Brahm and felt really uplifted after reading it. I ended up buying the one by Tolle, looks right up my alley. Thanks for that suggestion. 

Both your insights are wonderful. I too, want to use this to help others who are in the same position 🙂

Warm regards,

RYT

[blondguy]

Thankyou RYT

That is really great progress 🙂 You have done well. If you come across any tips please let us know....We are all in a continual learning phase...Any help or input you can provide would be greatly appreciated

We are here for you if you become stuck in the quicksand

Kind Thoughts for You

Paul