Feeling defeated.

[Instruggletown]

Hi this is my first time posting. I've sought out these forums as i have no where else to vent. I have been dealing with ALOT lately. I see a counsellor fairly regularly but she's not really available to me outside my booked hours.

Just this morning i feel like i broke. I feel like I've coped and coped and now i cant cope anymore. I think i had a mental breakdown or panic attack because it wasnt just crying, i was shaking and hysterical. It got to the point were i thought i may have to go to the hospital because i couldnt stop myself feeling overwhelmed. But then i thought is that even where you would go? Hence i googled and google brought me here.

A few things im having to emotionally deal with right now...

1) my husband has cancer and im trying to support him and our children, and deal with every emotion that goes with that

2) one of my children i think is struggling and im struggling to parent her, i feel like im failing her, i feel like im failing both my children

3) i grew up in a dv family (physically abusive step father and a narcissist mother) which i dont feel like im recovered from

4) i recently found a long lost sister and along with that many other relatives on my fathers side. I also found out my father died 10 years ago unbeknownst to me.

5) at the same time as all this happened, a family member discovered they were abused as a child and im trying to be a support person for them

So the past year particularly i have had a lot on my plate and have coped for the main part.

But just this morning something quite smallish set me off and i was an inconsolable mess. I literally was broken crying out for support from my husband and i got nothing.

My 'homework' from my counselor from last session was to show emotion and boy did that happen. But what do i do know...i got nothing from my husband emotionally...not even a hug. How do i support myself when i have no one else.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi and welcome to BB forums,

You have come to a good place. You will find a lot of support here. As you can see by my profile name, I can relate to you, as will many others.

There is a helpline 1300 22 4636 you can call, as well as an online chat, that will connect you to mental health professionals if you need to physically talk to someone at anytime.

It is no wonder that you are feeling like this. There is so much I could say, but unfortunately no easy answers. After reading these threads for a time now, I know that everyone would advise you that you must put yourself first at this time. I have been told to apply the oxygen mask to myself, as without that I can not help anyone else. So it is time for you to let go of as much as you are able. You are the most important person at the moment.

You are seeing a counsellor which is great, but have you spoken to your GP recently about your current situation. It is important to do this. There will be more help available to help you cope with this overwhelming stage of your life.

I hope you will find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I have found that reading threads has led me to find tools and strategies to cope. The BB site has so much info on facts and other support available.

I hope you keep posting, and that just by reaching out now, it has lightened your mood for a moment.

Warmest thoughts for you, Lee xo

[kanga_brumby]

Hi instruggletown as Jugglin Strugglin said welcome to BB forums. we are a supportive bunch in here. Now to what is bothering you your huby has cancer sorry to hear that. Your supporting him thats great for him, My partner had cancer so I acknowledge the amount of support you have to give. Unfortunately they didnt get to hers in time so I'm a single dad now.

Plus I have two children myself one has a learning disability, the other has adhd. Splitting them up so I can get the other to behave or do home work. I now don't have hair left on me head. I persist we all get there it's not easy we keep going because we are parents.

Finding family can be a great thing you might get more support from them. Sorry to hear about your father.

As Jugglin Strugglin said you can call the help line that is what they are there for. Support advice help in general. If you need more use the forums again and again that's why we are here for.

Kanga

[Muddlee]

Hi Instruggletown,

Firstly, I just want to say how brave and inspiring you truly are. To keep going through what you've been through takes some serious courage and determination so if you ever doubt yourself remember YOU HAVE got the strength to keep going. Secondly, reaching out to a counselor is such a good move. Seeking support, especially professional, doesn't make us weak, but stronger. It shows us that we want to bring about change in our lives and proves that we have the hope to keep going. During my darkest days I sought help from a psychologist/therapist rather than a counselor. Personally I feel you can get a bit more insight and personalised understanding through a therapist, but either way seeking any professional support is the first step to recovery. And I'm not sure, but what you experienced defintely sounds like a panic attack. I felt the exact same thing during my first panic attack - trembling hands, uncontrollable panic and a strong desire to check myself into hospital to get relief. But over time I realised that it was just my nerves reaching a breaking point and some strong physical symptoms that made it feel terrifying. Not downplaying the expereince, because I know what it feels like, but nonetheless it's just oversensitised nerves and thats all it will ever be. You will get through this down period because to come this far shows that you've got more than enough willpower to keep going and make things better. My sincerest wishes that your husband gets better xx

Muddleee