Feeling alone and stuck

[G.P]

Hello...

I guess I'm just here to find a place to put down my thoughts. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm currently living alone in a small granny flat, and have been here for almost a year. For the most part I've been managing well - it's the first time at my age (31) that I've been able to un trap myself from the mental struggle I had living with my parents. I've become more independent, confident and self aware. Lately though I've been having pangs to go back and live my parents. It seems petty, but I miss the small things - the home cooked meals, not thinking about managing a household (albeit a small one), and just their company. Sometimes I also feel alone, I'm not sure what's heightened this feeling lately. It's also ironic because my boyfriend lives within walking distance from me, and I see him quite often. I think what's worried me is the lease deadline - I'll need to put in my notice 6 weeks beforehand, but can't seem to decide. I've been stuck on this decision for a few weeks, and while there is no rush per se, I'm the type of person who likes to know what's next. I've confided in my friends and family, and they think it's best I stay here for the meantime because of my growth (which because I'm a generally negative Nancy, I don't seem to see). So in my head this indecision has stressed me out and made me feel quite anxious, I've trapped myself. While I see the logic in staying here, I don't know why I can't shake the feeling of still going back. At the same time, I know that the main reason I moved out to begin was because I was feeling mentally stressed living under the same roof as them. I'm not sure what to, and the more I think about it, I become triggered and cry for no reason at all. I feel silly for not being able to decide, is there something wrong with me?

Thanks for listening...

GP

[Aestheticcreations]

Hello,

So, im 17 and Ive been diagnosed with social anxiety since I was 13, I somehow just made it through highschool. I currently have chronic back and leg pain.

If I'm being honest I didn't think I would make it to 18 but I'm a week away. Now that I'm here I don't know what to do with my life. I've made a promise to stay for my best friend I'm just in so confused on what's next, I find it really hard to move around but if I don't I will be in more pain but If i move it hurts.

I'm a big introvert and I love being alone, I suffer from constant panic attacks but sometimes It feels like I'm doing it to myself and that I have no reason to be like that.

I struggle with people, i get super on edge around people and im looking for a job that is artsy with minimal people but I'm not finding much and I should of already done what normal teenagers have done by now, it didn't bother me until now.

After I got diagnosed I swear everything just started piling on.

Before, my father had become addicted to legal drugs and use to fall asleep at the wheel so now I can't help but panic when I'm in the car with any male which doesn't help with public transport.

I have wierd bursts of productivity which get overtaken by back pain which leads to me getting sad then depressed and I stop functioning.

I'm so over it.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Aestheticcreations,

Welcome to our forums and thanks for reaching out here tonight. It's not easy sharing what you are experiencing and it was really brave of you to do so. You are in a safe, non-judgmental space and we hope you can find the support you need from this wonderful community.

We are so sorry to hear you suffer from social anxiety and chronic back and leg pain.It sounds really difficult. We can also hear the positives in your life, that you have an artistic nature and that your best friend cares about you. Finding a job is a challenging experience for most people and it's commendable that you know the kind of work you'd like to do.

Are you seeing a mental health professional? You said you've been diagnosed with social anxiety and we're wondering if you've had chats with a counsellor or similar since then? We would strongly urge that you chat about what you're experiencing with a mental health professional. You can do this via Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can speak with them via either phone or webchat - https://kidshelpline.com.au/

We would also recommend getting in touch with an organisation called Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services - https://headspace.org.au/

Please do reach out for some support. Remember you are not alone.
 

[Nicole_GM]

Hi GP, after reading your story it makes perfect sense to me that you will be feeling the way you are. Even though living with your parents caused you mental anguish it was still your home and a place no doubt that you felt safe. Congratulations on what you have achieved by moving out and making a brave decision that puts your mental health first. I recently left a relationship of 17 years so I get the feeling of being lonely, but I realised that feeling was always inside me during my marriage and had nothing to do with whether I am living on my own or an unhappy situation. Perhaps you can increase the visits to your parents to cater for the desire to go back. Seems simple but something as basic as writing a pros and cons list has always helped me gain clarity around the situation and takes the emotion out. Stay strong x

[jtjt_4862]

Hi G.P.

You've done really well thus far to be living independently and managing things yourself. There is that saying, "We don't truly appreciate what we have until it's gone". Which I feel would be the reason why you have that feeling of moving back with your family. But as you said, the main reason for you to move out is to relief yourself from the mental stress of living with your parents under the same roof. So thinking about the consequences of moving back, you'll be placed into the same mental stress that you once wanted to escape from, which can be detrimental to your mental health.

Parents will always be parents, they will always care for you, and always see you as the little kid you were when they first had you. They know that someday their children will be leaving the nest, and have the life of their own. But even so, they will always welcome you home with open arms. Like Nicole suggested, you can increase the amount of visits to your parents whenever you miss them, while maintaining living independently (and also at walking distance to your boyfriend). Fill your time with things and activities that makes you happy, and enjoy the moment.

Happy to chat more with you G.P.

Jt

[G.P]

Hi Nicole GM,

Thanks for listening to my story, and taking the time to reply 🙂

I did think I was a little weird, but you've nailed it - oddly enough my parents' place is still a home to me, it's comfort and a safe haven, despite the mental stress that I've experienced.

Thank-you for your congratulations, when I look at it that way, it is a milestone for me to be managing on my own and prioritising my mental health. I do feel relief knowing that some of the stress has lessened since being here. Thanks for sharing your story about your relationship, and your strength in being able to move on.

With the feeling of loneliness, I think I can start to see it as you have - something within rather than what's happening outside, because I notice that it's not necessarily lack of company that I feel, but probably a lot of insecure thoughts that I internalise and allow to run loose and feel unable to manage. Basically inside of me doesn't feel homely.

I like your suggestion of upping the visits to my parents to cater for the feeling of going back, I think this will help me feel a bit better knowing that I can still be around them. And you have a good point about the pros and cons list, I'll give it a shot.

Thanks again for hearing me out!

G.P.

[G.P]

Hi Jt,

Thank-you for your congratulations and kind words 🙂

That saying definitely rings a bell, and couldn't be more true. I do miss them sometimes and the nuances of living with them. I guess it's my go-to default, and still a place I call home. However, like you said it is the feeling of anxiety and mental stress that drove me to move out, and I do fear the that returning may trigger those same feelings. A part of me hopes that this won't be the case if I return, that somehow things might have changed or that I built more resilience in the space of that time, but I'm unsure...

Thank-you for the lovely reminder about parents, it's comforting and assuring to hear it when in truth they will always be there for me and continue to welcome me with open arms 🙂 I often forget that they do love me because I've held onto resentment towards them for so long.

I do like the suggestion of seeing them more often when I feel that I miss them, while still being able to have my sense of self being here (and my boyfriend). And your suggestion of filling my time with activities that make me feel happy makes me feel hopeful that I can enjoy doing things and not feel so lonely.

Thanks again!

G.P.