Feel the need to escape from hard life/Imagination/HELP! :(

[KFPDW]

Hi, I need to talk about this and get it out in the open. I'm 22 years old and I have an active imagination. But I do know when when it's the right time to use it and whatnot. No trouble distinguishing reality from real life with me. But that's not why I'm here. I'm going through a tough time right now with life in general with split parents, social circles at uni and I feel alone facing it. I've done alright on my own to start of with but after so long, it's starting to get harder. I feel like I can't be myself around my friends or family, the real me. I feel squashed in a tight box and frustrated feeling I'm not good enough. I feel like lashing out at the world (Metaphorically I mean, not actually physical lashing) just so I can let the world know who I am. I do go to counselling for help which has made a good difference but there's still this part of me that needs to say this in this way on the forum. I never said this before now so here goes! I miss having a best friend, someone I can turn to and hang out on a regular basis. So I use my imagination to escape when things get hard and at one point long ago I had a friend where we played in a fantasy world like Bridge to Terabithia sort of way. But he moved away so it felt like I lost a part of myself. I'm not ashamed of my imagination at all but I miss being able to have that friend where you can turn to and vice a versa, and have that Terabithia imagination world to escape to. I wanna do that again I feel embarrassed that I can't turn to anyone to have that place to escape to with them. Because I know there's people like that who are creatively amazing. I just never can seem to find them. I can never turn to my friends about this because I would calm up completely because I feel like no one would understand me. I know people do larp stuff so I don't see what's the difference. I feel the pressure so much that I have panic attacks that I can't help. Some people that I used to get along with OK react badly and don't take want anything to do with me once they see it. It makes my feel like their closed off reaction is a reminder of my actions no matter how hard I try to get along with people. Overall, I feel so alone and I feel stupid saying that I want to have a imaginary escape world with a close friend I can trust. More than anything really, I want to have that again. I don't know what to do 😞

[KFPDW]

Thanks stormcloudz, I'll check out that fantasy meditation. It sound cool.

As for aspects of myself I can't talk about, i guess to sum up I'm a kid at heart. I do want to talk about and make whole self known but it feels like it's either the majority do things one way and I go another and no one has time for someone like me. I do love my family and enjoy hanging out with my friends. But it feels like it's always things they want to do in their favor all the time. Now don't get me wrong I want to be able to be there for my friends and family and support them always. But it feels like there no room for me any more.

Stuff i like to do like going to see animated films and watching Doctor Who, going to places and events about stuff I'm interested in and most of all escaping to imaginary worlds with a best friend I can trust. All that stuff and other things I'm into is feels like a huge part of me, but I can't say or do anything because whatever everyone else is doing feels much more important. I have tried to ask if anyone I know wants to do something with me that I'm really excited to do, something happens that prevents them from going or they just don't want to go. The counselor says that I have the right to be myself no matter what and I do believe her but in practice, it's sometimes easier said then done.

Instead calm up and go along with what other people want to do. I spend all the time worrying about others I leave no time to be myself. Feels like the world wants to be someone I don't want to be. I don't want to hide who I am and I should be able to do the things that are a part of me. At I wish I could. 😕