Fear of being sick :((

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Originally posted by: Angel on 15 February 2013

Hi there, my name is angel, i am female and i am 22. This is been the first time I am writing about my issue and it is very hard to admit. I have a severe phobia. That is of being sick. Not just getting sick like cold or flu, but nausea and throwing up. I don't know where this phobia came from but it has plagued my life for the past 5 years. I constantly have anxiety after I eat a meal. I convince myself I'm going to throw it up. My mind convinces me that I am and I start getting hardcore nausea. I won't even be sick, but I will think about it so much I ACTUALLY think I'm going to throw up. My chest tightens, I can't breathe, I start shivering and shaking and my heart races. I have to take benzodiazepines to calm down from the thoughts. i avoid social situations as MUCH as I can in case I feel like throwing up. I eat one meal a day and the smallest bit and I convince myself that there's no way I could throw up if my stomachs empty. I feel so ashamed to have this phobia. Nobody knows. No one. Not a single soul. I beat myself up at work after I eat even the smallest thing. I dont eat breakfast in case i am going to throw up on the train ride to work. im constantly taking tablets (to stop nausea) because I have nausea EVERY SINGLE MIN of the day and night. I am so physically and mentally drained. I want the psychotic thoughts about vomiting to stop. I feel like there is a devil in my head that does this to me, even if i go one SECOND and busy myself with something else, it will creep up on me Again. and again and again. This phobia is so severe I am so drained I want to kill myself just to stop the thoughts and fear. From the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep I'm fearing I'm going to vomit. I wake up in the middle of the night from anxiety and i think omg what if i throw up right now? its making me insane actually insane. I'm always so hungry but I torture myself so much about being sick that I don't touch food. :( is there anyone else out there like this? I feel like an alien. How can someone obsess over something so normal to the human being? Please someone help me. Is this a normal phobia?...?... i don't even know where to start for help because I am SO ashamed and embarrassed to have this phobia. Whoever has been so kind to read this please don't think I am a freak, I'm just in desperate need of help I don't know what to do Any thoughts will be appreciated xx

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Originally posted by: David Charles on 15 February 2013

Dear Angel, Due to Govt Health Cuts there are now hardly any places to accomodate your sort of phobia, bullemia or other related food/nauseous/sick conditions. If you're in Sydney you could try RPA hospital. I don't know if there is a solution but it's worth opening up to a professional at some point if you feel you can trust them with your situation. The glam mags really set a bad body image for some female teenagers and obsession becomes phobia becomes illness and, in some cases, the weight is not sustainable and the worst happens. If only the strength of your mind could apply itself to a remedy. Take care. It's one of the worst mental illnesses for people to understand. Adios, David.

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Originally posted by: Neil on 16 February 2013

Hi Angel, Firstly, a massive acheivement by you to come on here and write down your fear, your phobia. You are no way an alien or a freak. You are a normal beautiful human being. You MUST believe that. We all have our phobias/stressors, our evils that enter our mind and control us. It doesn't make us weak, it doesn't make us any less of a person ... we are just suffering and suffering very badly I might add; a suffering that normal Joe Citizen or Jane Citiizen (not wanting to be gender biased here) would never be able to comprehend. I've heard of similar kinds of phobias of yours before; but never heard it to the extent of yours, that it affects you every minute of every day. Angel, you do need professional help ... you say that no-one else knows about this affliction that you have and that may be the case, but I honestly think it's time for you to seek out help. I don't know if you've got someone really close to you, as a friend or relative; someone you feel you could unload too; or someone who you feel could be your 'rock' for you to lean on. What I'm trying to say here is that you do definitely need to get along to your GP or if you don't have one, look one up on this website; and find one in your area. They WILL be able to help you ... and here's where I was going with the friend or family member; perhaps if, after you telling them, they might be able to go along with you, as a support for you. It would be a hell of a thing to battle this on your own. You've made one positive step already, by coming here and pouring out the nausea that you face every day. You can't go on living like this and I suspect that you feel the same way. Angel, please seek out professional help. And I really hope that you can get back to us as well to let us know how you're feeling and also if anything that I wrote was beneficial to you, Cheers, Neil

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Originally posted by: Angel on 16 February 2013

Thanks David and Neil for the replies. It has been a great load off my shoulders but I am still afraid to open up properly about this. It's eating everything inside of me. I can't live like this anymore. I can't see myself telling anyone about this anyone because I don't want to be judged I don't want to be looked at like an invalid. No one will understand such a wierd thing, I know it. I just don't understand WHY in my life I have so many stressors and triggers making me fel depressed and then on top of that I have to have a stupid stupid phobia. Of all phobias, a phobia of being sick. I hate myself for this. I hope someone who has near this problem can reach out to me before its too late. I don't even know how I will open up to a doctor, how do I say it? What words do I begin with? It is such a ridiculous thing but it is destroying my life unbelievably 😞 I don't have the guts to tell anyone what I'm going through I would rather perhaps suffer in silence but I just don't know how much longer my body and my mind can handle all of this

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Originally posted by: scotty on 16 February 2013

Hi Angel Anxiety can def make you feel Nausated/Want to vomit....Many times i get this. Eating disorders is diff kettle of fish so not sure i can help there but def speak to GP 🙂

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Originally posted by: Neil on 17 February 2013

Hi Angel, I feel for you so much ... and to feel that you are trapped with this affliction and that it's eating you up so badly; just hearing this really affects me. I sooooo wish I could do something more constructive than just to post you this. I wish there was someway I could meet you and to sit down with you; then you could unload everything that you wanted too. I wouldn't judge you ... you are NOT weird Angel. You are a wonderful human being. Your mind is being overtaken by this illness and there's not much you can do about it. I don't have the same affliction as you, but I sure have my mental illnesses that rule my life. But I just feel like I could sit with you and listen, while you unload; heavens knows, I might even be able to come up with some suggestions for you. Dear Beyond Blue folk; when situations are like this is there no mechanism whereby people who are on this site and would LOVE to help others; is there no way that we can be in touch with others who are so desperate in seeking help?? I wish there was ... it makes me feel so useless in not being able to help more. Neil ps: Angel, if the above can't be manufactured and I probably think that it can't; you seriously DO NEED to look on this site for GP or pyschologists in your area. Find one and go to them. Go to your GP first for a mental health plan and you get something like 6 or 10 visits to the psychologist ... I think that's how it works. I'm a bit brain dead at the moment with regard to matters like that; but go to a professional and you really DO need to unload. Please please, can you say you'll do this?

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Originally posted by: beyondblue team on 17 February 2013

Hi Angel, Thanks for getting back to us on the beyondblue Bulletin Board. We hear how distressed you are, and so we wanted to also send you a quick email to encourage you to seek some help. What you describe really sounds like classic anxiety/phobia symptoms, and people can become phobic about any number of things. It's way more common than you would know, it's just that people don't talk about it much. So you are not alone, and you are definitely not a freak! It sounds like you are stuck in a vicious cycle where your worry/anxiety/fear thoughts are increasing your nausea, which in turn makes the negative thinking and worrying worse...it's a vicious cycle where the feelings and the thoughts each feed into and grow off of each other, making it worse and worse...until you reach out for some help. And you know what- you already have. You have bravely told all of us here on the forum, which is a great start- well done! However, there are some very helpful psychological treatments for these anxiety cycles (regardless of the 'subject' of the anxiety) and we think you really would benefit from seeing a psychologist/mental health clinician. The referral pathway is via a GP, but if you call the beyondblue Info Line on 1300 22 46 36, they can recommend a good mental health GP in your area. Sometimes it's a bit easier going to someone who has 'heard it all before' and who can refer you to a good clinician. Many people find this first visit extremely scary, but are so relieved when it's done. Perhaps you could even try printing out what you have shared with us and hand it to the GP to explain? You may also like to ask the staff on the info line about online therapy options, if you really don't feel you are ready to see someone in person yet. It may not feel like it right now, but things won't always be this hard, Angel. Please do consider taking the next step towards getting better, and we hope you stay in touch with us on the forum to let us know how you are going. With best wishes beyondblue team

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Originally posted by: Angel on 18 February 2013

Thanks Scotty, Neil and beyond blue team. I dont know if i came across with my issue properly, but since posting on BB, i have done some research and I feel as though my fear is a real phobia, and not just a symptom of anxiety. I think i have emetophobia, i dont know if thats the correct spelling, but I think this is a severe phobia. I have read others who have the same, but i dont know if its as extreme as me ;((( I cant live my life, its driving me insane!!!!!! the anxiety is making my nausea worse, but the fear of vomiting is just somehting completely different... i dont even know where to start reaching out for help.. i think what is the big deal i dont even know!!!!!! :((

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Originally posted by: Paula on 21 February 2013

OMG! I thought I was the only person out there with this exact phobia! I avoid indoor social situations, people who are sick, calculating incubation and contagious periods, totally losing it when I read/hear that someone is sick and I am having a very hard time with my daughter starting pre school. I have managed to get some of my obsessive behaviours under control like cleaning my house with disinfectant for most of the day, researching illness and questioning people about sickness but the thoughts are not stopping at all. My mind torments me all day, everyday. I even dream of sickness and it impairs me from getting physically close to my children at times. I know my psychologist tells me it's OCD and that I am already on the correct medication but my life is a living hell at times. Exposure to gastro or vomiting is just way too scary to even consider. To make matters worse, I actually have GERD and IBD, so I do get physically sick. I carry an emergency gastro kit around with me everywhere. I think I would rather die than ever have gastro again. I live in fear of it every waking moment. I am so stuck. Sorry I can't help you but I figure you may want to know there is someone out there with the same problem 🙂

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Originally posted by: Angel on 22 February 2013

Dear Paula, thank you for writing to me! You have NO idea how happy u have made me by opening up on here to me. I can't believe it, I can't believe I finally found someone who is exactly like me 😞 Paula, do you remember when this phobia first started for you? I have researched and read somewhere that people who have this phobia, have had it come from a specific moment in time... However much I go back in my mind, I can't remember how I got this phobia... I am exactly like you it torments me every minute of the day from the morning, to on the train to work, at work, on the train back, and whatever situation that follows. All I remember is being paranoid when my younger brother would get sick? I would like runaway ... It used to make me so upset because I'd think wtf my younger brother is sick I should help him, but I never could. I would runaway and start shaking and hide under my blanket. I would sit there and go over and over in my head that "does he have food poisoning? is it a bug? is it a flu? i will battle myself to try and convince myself that i wont get whatever he has. i would go over what he had eaten that day, and try to find out the root cause of the sickness how sad is this ... i am in constant fear as you are that I'm going to get sick, or be sick. I don't get it. Has your psychologist ever mentioned the term 'Emetophobia' to you? I've heard that's the name for it. I hope we can both get help, as well as the millions of people that have it too.. It is so dreadful and yes like you, it haunts my life every minute 😞 I look forward to hearing from you Paula thanks so much for sharing... Angel xoxo