Extreme anxiety and moving out of home

[Catobun86]

Hi All,

I'm new here but not new to anxiety. I have had GAD, SAD, and Panic Disorder my entire life. Generally I handle it well, I work full time in a school, I have hobbies and I am active, expect I do have periods when it gets on top of me. I am just recovering from a dark episode that saw me in bed, unable to move, eat or do much but sleep for days. This was all bought on by signing a lease for my first unit on my own and then regretting it.

I am 32 and have lived at home most of my life, except for periods here and there, including a four month stint that ended last week. I can live alone, I actually prefer it, but the idea of signing a lease, getting my own furniture and committing made me spiral. I have since cancelled the lease. Now I'm anxious that I'm the oldest person alive still living with their parents!!!

I am slowly recovering from what the Dr call a "mental health crisis" after he put me on some pretty heavy meds. I'm going back to work tomorrow after three days off - albeit against Dr's orders - because being away is making my anxiety worse as I'm scared they will fire me as I take so much time off for anxiety related things.

To top things off, when I told my bestfriend, she turned it back on me saying that I needed to make a decision if I wanted anxiety to rule my life. I do get that, but when you are in crisis mode and are considered a danger to yourself, I don't know that this comes into it, unfortunately.

I guess what I'm asking is, does anyone/has anyone dealt with the same issue (moving out/signing a lease) making their anxiety spiral into crisis? How do you remedy it?
Thank you all in advance.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Sorry to hear of your struggles.

Your friend I think isn't helping much. Please use google to read the first post of this thread.

Beyondblue topic they just wont understand- why?

With anxiety in general there is no easy fix, we need to reprogram ourselves to be calmer and learn what we should have learned when younger- how to cope.

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

In that thread there is muscle tensioning exercises that I have done now for 32 years, they work and if done before bed time you will sleep better, sleep is essential for recovery.

We all make mistakes. With mental illness it is common to return to the family home for a variety of reasons. Some people are bad money managers, some are insecure etc. Take this period at home as part of a restructure of your life and learn from it.

Beyondblue topic the financial world of snakes and ladders

Beyondblue topic your own worse enemy

Take care

TonyWK

[Croix]

Dear Catobun86~

Welcome here to the Forum, a pretty good move as it will let you know how others have dealt with the hardships that come from illness. It will also let you know you are not in the least alone.

May I talk about living with parents as a start? This is I guess something becoming increasingly common, for a variety of reasons, not least being the cost of living. Sadly a single job may not be enough for a reasonable independent life. Having an illness that makes decisions and living on your own more difficult is another reason - and a good one.

It is not necessarily all one-way. Many offspring are an asset, even if they have limitations, and provide comfort, company and support to their parents in return - it is not 'a bad thing' in itself. Perhaps on reflection you might realize there are many areas you do this.

Having a safe environment is a plus.

I'm not sure your friend has quite the right idea. While it is most certainly true one needs to recognize illness, and take what steps one can to cope and improve, it is not a singe decision type situation, rather a long one with perseverance, fortitude and resilience with the inevitable setbacks, and gladness when a victory - no matter how small - is accomplished. It is also something one does not do alone, as you know medical help is often essential.

Holding down a job as a teacher is a wonderful thing, and speaks volumes for your strength in living with your illness. It may not be a realistic situation but is there someone at your work you can talk to who can give oyu advice on time off and what is really necessary for you to do, rather than forcing yourself due to possibly unfounded fears?

I can't really say what helps over leases, other than any such procedure is worrying and can cause problems as the stress mounts. Is there anyone you can talk this over with so you do not feel as alone in the venture? Perhaps assist with the furniture too?

I'll just mention in passing when I've felt I'm a danger to myself Ive called out for help, and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) is one I have a great deal of time for.

I do hope you come back and talk more.

[quirkywords]

Catobun,

Welcome to this supportive forum.

I can reassure you that you are not the oldest person still living at home.

My cousin stayed at home until her parents died and then lived there alone until she died in her 70s so she never left home.

You are doing well with your work and your life. Even people who don't suffer from anxiety get worried about moving. In fact moving home is in the top ten maybe top 5 of things that stress people.

It is a big deal for everyone to move and to do everything that is entailed with that move.

Your friend like many people who do not understand anxiety feel it is a choice and a matter of being determined.

I was wondering if you could get some help when you decide to move and break it into small steps so it is not so overwhelming.

Tony has given you some helpful ideas and topics to read .

I am sure many people reading this will relate to you.

Quirky

[IreneM]

Dear Catabun86 -

Welcome to the Forums.

You certainly have something that many people with anxiety disorders do not have - a job. So I have to congratulate you and you should be very thankful for it, compared to many of us. Count Your Blessings!

You're certainly not alone, in living with your parents well into adulthood. If you have your own private space and your parents are ok with it I would settle down for a bit until your anxiety settles down again. By that time you will feel more ready to move into your own place without guilt.

Everything that you're saying is very NORMAL for many of us with Anxiety issues. One thing that many of us tend to do wrong is to judge ourselves as doing the wrong thing, when the truth is that it may not be an issue at all. We often apologise for many things that are not our fault or that we have got no control over.

You're friend certainly does not understand and that is what we're here for on this forum to understand and support each other! I encourage you to be open with your parents and work colleagues about how you are and, if necessary, arrange a temporary replacement if you need to be away for a while - we all have those times! If there is not someone for you to talk to as Croix and Tony have suggested, talk more to us on this post, we will support you.

Irene.

[Gambit87]

Welcome!!!

I’m fairly set in my ways, so when major change happens (things like needing to move/signing a new lease etc) my brain shatters and I start to obsess about it.

For me, creating a plan and breaking that plan into steps/goals really helps. Doing this I realise I’m not afraid of the actual move or lease signing I’m afraid of the process so creating the plan and sticking to it give me a little comfort.

also having someone that can give you a friendly nudge to get you back on track when your mind starts to wonder, and you start second guessing your decision is a big help.

youre not alone here mate!

you got this 🙂