Doubting the legitimacy of my feelings

[Qui]

Hi

ive been having anxiety attacks recently and have always suffered from a self doubt (sort of like paranoia) I worry that I overreact or appear strange or crazy to others. I've been pretty stressed out with housing arrangements and flat mate dramas (which maybe I should have ignored) these have been the source of my most recent attacks. I've talked to other people and they say my feelings are legitimate but I worry still because they weren't there. I focus on the conversations with unhealthy intensity. It shouldn't matter to me, even if I have overreacted or am noticeably high strung to others. I wish I could let things go.

I wonder if I should see my old therapist but what would I say? "I'm worried about what people may or may not be thinking of me"? It sounds stupid to me even in my head.

I guess I don't trust myself or my judgment and I find this disturbing

[white knight]

Hi Qui, welcome

You have just described a large part of me

Guilt, is a terrible complex. In my case its drifted a lot as I've got older...a good thing

I'm 60

Worry is non productive.

People make Me laugh at times. They say "don't worry" and my response "where can I buy anti worry pills"? Distraction, keeping busy helps.

My therapist in 1987 asked me once " so Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world"?

It struck home. He also told me that feeling guilty and worried over others thoughts is one of the most caring traits one can have but it can do you harm.

So he taught me how to be realistic. Every time I'd tell him a fear I had, he'd ask me..."are you being realistic"?

Most of the time I wasn't, hence my anxiety.

So yes more therapy is not a bad thing. And learn muscle tensioning exercises and any other relaxation techniques. Keep busy with hobbies.

Tony WK

[Evan_John]

Hi Qui,
At this point I don't have any advice that I can give you but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. What you're describing is what I see in my own mind. Finally I've started to reach out for help. Well done for doing the same. I hope you get the support you need, and know that in the future you will have some deep wisdom from overcoming what you're going through.
Wishing you happiness.
Evan.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

I wonder if I should see my old therapist but what would I say? "I'm
worried about what people may or may not be thinking of me"? It sounds
stupid to me even in my head.
I guess I don't trust myself or my judgment and I find this disturbing

It's not stupid if it worries you. And not trusting your own judgement is an excellent reason to see your therapist and touch base.

It's also better, in my opinion, to talk over the small stuff with someone before it becomes big stuff.

You don't need big reasons to see a therapist.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Qui,

Thanks for posting.

There is absolutely nothing stupid about what you've said, and it's actually incredibly common. People all over these forums have said "I shouldn't complain" or "It could be worse". The stigma around mental health issues is ridiculous. The truth is that what you are feeling and experiencing matters. If you are thinking these thoughts and they are bothering you - that matters. It's affecting your life, so that matters.

As for what to say - say anything; they won't judge you. You could print up what you've posted here and give it to them. Or you could just say it like it is.

[Moonstruck]

Hello Qui

I can relate to what you are saying about yourself. I understand very well as I share some of your own feelings and fears. I can't trust my own judgement any more either, which I agree is awful. Because so many times in my past - I have followed my judgement, followed my gut instinct, followed by heart's deepest messages...however you want to put it - and disaster followed. Now I have lost all confidence in my own judgment.

It's awful not to be able to trust your own"gut instincts" which we are told so often to do -

I focus on things sometimes with an unhealthy intensity too and wish I could "let it go".....You are not alone in this Qui......thank you for sharing that.