Do you have a security blanket? Doesn't have to be a blanket...

[Nervybella]

I'm sitting here trying to apply for jobs and feeling generally miserable, I thought of this thread idea after a phone all from my mum - offering her support and being generally lovely...

Do you have a "comfort blanket" person or thing?

For me its my mum. I'm an only child and she really is my best friend I would have to say. When the going gets tough she just knows what to say or do to comfort me. I know I am so lucky to have her...

and yet, I just can't stop my mind from going where I don't want it to go.... one day she won't be here. Then what??

The thought makes me sick to my stomach and I burst into tears. I don't have many other people on my family. Only a few friends, and I am woried I will never have a partner or children of my own.. so one day I will be all by myself. I am scared Sh*itless for that day.... how will I be able to do anything?!

Anyway I guess my real question here is - does anyone else have a support person or object maybe that they did lose somehow? What did you do? How did you cope?

When I get caught up in my anxiety I just can't help but go to these thoughts of my Mum dying and here I am.... all alone

best

Bella.

[quirkywords]

Nervybella,

When I first read your intriguing thread title I felt all warm and secure. then I read the thread and started to tear up because having a security blanket in any form , has a down side if one does not have it any more.

My dad loved me unconditionally and he died over 10 years ago and I still miss him.

I recall when I was very down about a month after his funeral, I wanted to tell him so much but I couldn't ring him. So I decided to write to him after my child told me she sent her grand parents a card each year on their birthday. I opened up a file on the computer titled Dear dad,. I wrote a lot at first, a few times a day, then a few times a week, then a few times a month. Now I may only wrote once a year or more and use it more as un update of what been happening in our family rather than venting .

I was in my late 40s when he died and I never thought I could cope without him. I have.

I think sure use your security blanket and learn from their wisdom so when they are not there you will be able cope alone.

If I was troubled I would ask myself "what would my dad say or do" ?

I hope you will consider my suggestions.

Thanks again for a thoughtful thread.

Quirky

[Nervybella]

Hey Quirky

Thanka for the reply and sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard it would be.

I really like the idea of writing letters to your loved ones. I’m going to note that for later use 🙂

Have you ever found you’re too reliant on your security blanket? I dream of doing the “young Aussie abroad” thing. Working and travelling, but I don’t know if I could move away from my family, in particular my mum.

I also hate how childish that sounds... a 24 year old woman shouldn’t need her mum as much as I do...

[_bethy94]

Hi NervyBella,

I totally understand what you mean with a security blanket and it's definitely normal holding your mum in such a high regard - she brought you into this world, she's been your provider, it's only natural we feel this way about our parents, or have an instinct to. It's also a scary thought that one day we can be without this security blanket. Unfortunately losing people we love is a part of life, we will all go through it at some point in our lives. But instead of having the mindset that you're going to lose them one day, spend those exact moments treasuring each moment you have with her. You have the same amount of time, you may as well spend it with positive thoughts instead.

I think a way of coping is to not put your entire sense of security onto the one person or thing. It doesn't take away from any importance your mum has to you, but it means you have more than one thing to fall back on so you're not entirely vulnerable in the event years and years down the track she's no longer around. I hope you know what I mean.

Try and find things (alongside your mum) that you find make you feel equally as secure. There is plenty of time for you to find a life partner, with that could come motherhood yourself. So that's automatically another form of security blanket for you and something for you to fall back on. Join a club with like minded people, make meaningful friends, etc. There are plenty of avenues.

All the best