Do you Fight/Battle/Push Though Anxiety or Accept it?

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone

This is my second thread on the forums. After my first mega anxiety attack in 1983 I was in bed with cold sweats, nightmares, heart attack feelings, the inability to breathe.... It was awful and my memories of that first few days are still vivid. 25 Years later my anxiety is nothing but a 'memory' once I realised that the 'symptoms' were only bad feelings that were brought on by me overthinking with my 'tired' mind. I have since learned that being a 'perfectionist' is detrimental to my health and a waste of time. There is  so much to be gained by not fighting so very hard all of the time. Whether at work or in a relationship there is lot to be said to adopt the mentality of being 'simple minded'. I have also learned the 'lesson' that "Pride Is a Poor Substitute For Intelligence" Your thoughts on 'Fighting/Battling' Anxiety/Depression are appreciated

Paul

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Paul,

Thanks so much for posting. You have a lot of wisdom to share and hopefully others can share their ideas and help you too.

Regarding being a perfectionist. I used to be like this at work and it worked for me until I became Manager of a team of people.  It was a huge stress and challenge to work through that and I had to work hard to change to ensure success for myself and the team.

I read the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey. As a book I thought targeted for work, it gave me a huge insight into myself.

It suggests the world is seen by us based on our perceptions. In order to change a given situation that we must first change ourselves. In order to change ourselves we have to be able to change our perceptions.

The book gives some great techniques and tips for how to do this and how to think through situations.  For example he talks about having a circle of influence which encompasses all the things you have control over. Then suggests to note all the things you can't control outside of that circle. By focusing positive energy on the things within the circle, within our control, we can expand that area of influence.

Anyway I thought it might be of help for those who read this thread. I highly recommend it.

Take care Paul,

Carol xx

[blondguy]

Hi Carol

Thankyou for your heartfelt and kind response..Your input is always wonderful to have...

You mentioned ""The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey" Its sounds like it can be a great help to me as well as other members as well as  people that choose to read the BB Forums only without posting

Carol...you are an asset to the forums...Thankyou

Paul

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Paul,

Yes definitely for you also. I think you will get a lot from it. It encourages a new way to think about things. I always fall back to this when things are tough.

Another is The Fish Philosophy which is related to business but they have a Fish for Life book which is for personal life but I haven't read it. The concept in there is 1) To choose your attitude, 2) To be there (be in the moment, attentive, giving others your full presence, 3) Play (have fun) and 4)Make their day.  I often fall back on the choose your attitude advice from this book.

Cheers,

Carol xx

[Mares73]

Dear Paul

i have personally found Acceptance & Commitment therapy far more helpful than CBT. It's along the principals of accepting yourself & your feelings & then being able to live with them rather than beating yourself up because you can't fight against changing how you feel. It's a breath of fresh air after years of CBT. I can actually relate to ACT. 

I have a lifetime of trauma & through ACT am learning to live with my scars, accept what I can't change & put my energy into what I can.

Paul can I also thankyou for the great support & compassion you show for many people. Every time you write I can sense your genuine care & compassion. You are a wonderful person who shines in your replies. I feel privileged to get the benefit of your messages. Take care my friend X mares

[Guest_5218]

Hey Paul.  Its so nice to see that you have posted a thread.  Second you say?  How did I miss the first, and where is it?  You must have posted while I was busy at work or something, I cant believe I missed such a momentus occasion as this!    ( - :

Regarding anxiety - yes I am starting to come around to the way of thinking that the symptoms, as distressing as they often are, really are just feelings as you say.  Perhaps hearing this from you so regularly is finally getting through my stubborn mind.

I have always been a perfectionist as well. And been of the opinion that if you want something done right, then you do it yourself.  I have always had a hard time delegating as a result.  And yes I know this puts unnecessary pressure on myself, but thats just the way it is.  Its not an easy thing to change the fundamentals of what makes us what we are.  If you have been able to do that, then thats fabulous - I greatly admire and envy you.  Of course you already knew that!  ( - :   But its true.  Exactly how did you achieve this?

So for myself I am still in the Fight/Battle stage of anxiety I think.  But I am working on it, and hope that the next stage of Pushing Through is not far away.  Perhaps then I can aim towards your Gentle Acceptance state.

Thanks so much for posting this thread Paul.  Its been a long time coming.  ( - :

Sherie xx

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Sherie,

I highly recommend you look at those 2 books I mention above. I had the same problem delegating when I was in a management role in a corporate company. They both helped with my perfectionist behaviour.  

Cheers,

Carol xx

[blondguy]

Hi Carol

The more references the better and  'The Fish Philosophy' sounds like a great read...I am going to have a stickybeak at that one as well 🙂

Thankyou for your wonderful help

Paul

[blondguy]

Good Morning Mares

I Love your post and if I may quote "accepting yourself & your feelings & then being able to live with them rather than beating yourself up "

This really is a key that can unlock the door and enable recovery. Mastering True and Calm Acceptance  unmasks anxiety/depression as the bad feelings they are. You also mentioned 'accepting what you cant change'..crucial statement which is also translates to being 'Kind to Yourself'

Your last paragraph has just made my day Mares. You have an innate gift of a kind and beautiful soul.

Happy Easter Mares xx

Paul

[PatT]

Hi Paul, 

I've found that fighting anxiety does little more than perpetuate it. It's much better to just accept it by acknowledging it, giving it brief consideration, thinking about why it might be there and whether it's rational then reassuring myself that it will eventually go away. Whenever I try to fight it I just end up worse.

In the long term I'm definitely trying to identify the components of my personality that cause my anxiety - pride, a superiority complex, being antagonistic etc. I'm only 24 but I've managed to change some parts of myself considerably in the last few years.`I did like your quote on pride and your take on the merits of being humble. Wise words