Do I have dermatillomania or just a bad habit?

[Yen2]

Hi everyone. A bit of background: I have a history of anxiety and have been biting my nails and picking on my skin on my fingers ONLY for over 10 years. Please bear in mind I'm 19 years old this year.

- I noticed I bite and pick due to stress and anxiety. BUT I have also unconsciously bit and picked whenever I'm bored or my fingers are "imperfect". I keep my make sure my nails don't show any whites and try to make sure majority of the skin around my fingers are at the same layer.

- My family thinks its a bad habit. I have been to a dermatologist where he said my skin was dry and easily flakes and that was why I pick my skin. The psychologist told my mom its connected to my anxiety. I believe both are partly true but don't tell the full story.

- During high moments of stress and anxiety such as in exams or during a busy day at work, I will unconsciously torture my finger to the point of bleeding/infection. I will only notice after I feel the pain or taste the blood during a nail biting session.

- I have had episodes of general improvement. I found out after years of observation that I have less symptoms during end of year holidays when I have the motivation to grow my nails long for a manicure and when I have little to no stress in my environment. I also have been able to see some whites during my time with braces. However, I still picked and bite when the pain wore off.

I don't have much money to see a psychologist but if there is anyone with a similar experience please do give me some tips. Thank you!

[Yen2]

I also just want to add that it's hard (almost impossible) for me to stop myself from biting or picking my nails and skin around my fingers. In my head, I MUST otherwise it is a damnation or something (I'm not sure either). I don't know whether this is normal because throughout my life my fingers are raw, chewed and deformed. But in my head whenever I bite or pick, I have this feeling of satisfaction/achievement. There is no one around me that have this "habit" and I frankly don't know what triggered this in the first place. What stress/anxiety could I have felt at 10 years old? I had a very normal childhood and no severe childhood trauma. If anyone could provide an explanation, that would be super helpful! Thanks in advance.

[geoff]

Hello Yen, and welcome to the site.

What you have said I've seen many times when growing up with other people and feel their pain when their fingers begin to bleed, picking at their fingers when in actual fact there's nothing to be picked at.

I'm not a doctor but doing this can be related to OCD/ADHD, where you may have a compulsive and obsessive disorder where it's similar as someone having to keep checking whether or not the door is locked, or whether or not they have turned the stove off, in other words, it's something that compels you into having to do and related to anxiety.

I have OCD but don't keep biting my fingernails, but what it could mean is that you are unable to relax, but if you ask your doctor for a mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions initially but because of the virus you may be able to have more sessions, so you need to feel comfortable to open up to them, otherwise it's of no benefit.

I hope you can continue talking with us because your situation is very interesting.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Yen2]

Hi geoff and thank you so much for you reply. I've decided to see a GP in 2 days just to get some form of understanding/hopefully a diagnosis. My main problem is that I'm not too sure on how much I have to spend on being diagnosed and getting some form of treatment. But thank you for clearing some parts of it up!

But it does sound like I have body-focused repetitive behaviour. To explain more, I pick, peel and tear my thumbs mostly. I ocassionaly torture my toes as well. Nowadays, I notice I'm also scratching my head and watching dandruff fall (even though its not itchy). I also like to chew/peel/bite my lips whenever I'm thinking. I have never came across anybody like this and I'm frankly quite scared about all of these symptoms.

As for me being unable to relax, I feel I am able to relax and focus quite normally. Besides the occassional sudden decision to bite my nails/peel my skin on my fingers. As its been over 10 years, I am quite numb to the presentation of my fingers. But as I am currently working in a restaurant and there is a pandemic going on, I really really feel that I need to break this stupid thing.

I'm not too sure about the difference between ADHD and OCD in terms of my symptoms but I feel like I could be experiencing a combination of both.

[geoff]

Hello Yen, thanks for getting back to us.

If you contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 they have trained counsellors, young and old who can help you by phone, online or webchat, and by saying this I don't want you to leave us because talking with us, not only both of us, but also those who only read threads and don't participate for their own reasons, hopefully, they will have the strength to come online.

I understand working in a restaurant, perhaps in the back section, then a hat and gloves and possibly a mask as well will prevent all of this happening, however, the urge must be very strong as well as your anxiety and may take the opportunity to have a break by going to the loo.

Biting your lip can become automatic something that your not aware of when talking, eating or chewing on some food or it can be a physical response caused by anxiety, stress or fear.

I can't say whether it's OCD or whether it's ADHD but a psychologist would be able to help you, but please don't be disappointed because I definitely know what OCD is, as I've had it for a long time and really interested to try and help you.

Some symptoms may overlap but I can't make that determination, but the best part as you say 'I feel I am able to relax and focus quite normally', that's a great start because with the help you can build on this.

I can talk about OCD but I don't want to overload you on believing that it is this illness, without getting a professional and experienced verdict.

If you keep talking about this then it may become clearer.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Yen2]

Hi there Geoff,

Thanks for all your kind words. Would just like to update you that I have recently being diagnosed with GAD. Still trying to cope with it as it has been a very stressful few months but remebered your kind words. When I got diagnosed, I realised I ticked all the symptoms I didn't know I had. I didn't realise I have been overworrying 24/7 and although I still don't know how it came about, I'm glad I will be starting treatment soon.

Thanks again!

[geoff]

Hello Yen, thank you for getting back to us, we really appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you've been diagnosed with GAD, but pleased you have seen your doctor.

We all worry, but some do more than others even over the smallest thing, that's not their fault, it's just how they are, and can be caused by many different situations and may make you feel unwell and unfortunately, produce other symptoms, such as headaches etc.

As your thread is titled using the word ' dermatillomania' which is characterized by repeated picking at one's own skin must be an awful condition and can I ask if they have associated this with OCD.

Pleased to hear from you.

Geoff.