Derealisation and depersonalisation

[Jada89]

Hey guys I have been suffering from dp/dr for over 10 years now. I am 26 and have recently found out what it is. I'm happy that I now know I'm not going crazy and many people suffer from this as it's anxiety and trauma related. I just want to get rid of this and feel normal again. Would like to talk to people who both suffer from this and who have recovered to try and set me free of this. It restricts me in so many day to day things. Thanks

[Cornstarch]

It must have been a terrible trauma because generally the dissociative symptoms occur in trauma much younger than 16. I am sorry for your trauma. I completely understand wanting to 'get rid' of these specific trauma symptoms because they can be very debilitating and distressing. No doubt your school reports would have said things like:

"Smart. But lacks concentration."

Lacks concentration, lacks concentration, lacks concentration, lacks concentration, lacks concentration. Why is she always staring out the window blankly.

Terror tends to do that.

There is so much ignorance in the community and the professional mental health fields with this that I would be very cautious with how you tackle it and the clinical psychologists you choose. Now that the trauma is over, yes, of course it is maladaptive so you are frustrated, BUT it was necessary to survive. If you try and shift it too quickly your nervous system may going into overwhelm or breakdown if you don't have enough support. Sometimes dissociation lifts spontaneously without warning and it was terrifying for me when it did. I'd hate to see you "force it" and experience what I experienced.

When there is a lot of ignorance and lack of education people tend to draw on cultural references to attempt to understand what you're going through. They probably assume you feel like your in "United States of Tara".

The reality is that the expression of the symptom is unique to each individual and not the same. "United States of Tara" is nothing like mine and I have never wanted to hurt myself and have never felt the urge. Some people do, and again this is why I wouldn't go lifting and trying to shift a highly sophisticated evolutionary adaptation without enough support.

I don't experience self harm but I have entire chunks of my life simply - Gone. Missing. I have absolutely no recollection where I was and what I was doing. That is creepy!

I completely understand how upset you are with the creepiness because it spooks me somedays and my anxiety sky rockets. But maybe try and think of it as a warm, cosy embrace from your little self that had to somehow protect you.

Your brain literally went into overwhelm and it will take time, patience, tenderness, love and care to bring your consciousness back onto solid ground and outta the clouds. Maybe you will always have some.

Do you have a skilled therapist? Art therapy is great for dissociation have you tried it?

How does yours manifest?

[Jada89]

I do find it hard to concentrate, sitting down in a classroom is tough. Have been seeing a psychologist he has given me good tips. I think mine comes down to anxiety, I get anxious because I have this condition and then that anxiety fuels it and makes it worse. Vicious circle. No thoughts of self harm. Just frustrated as I have had this close to half my life and it is truely debilitating. Trying to keep a day to day routine and not let this prohibit me from doing stuff but it gets hard some days

[Cornstarch]

I don't want to overwhelm you with resources, trigger you and I don't like to encourage people to "Over Google" when they are already anxious. Also you may already have researched this but just incase not, or someone else sees it and it is useful I thought I'd share.

The internet is a marvellous, amazing tool but I think it can increase people's distress exponentially when they jump online and start self-treating, self-diagnosing, and all of the other self obsessions it can create and encourage. We must use the trained professionals for such things. After-all we have to make them feel that all their years of studying can be put to good use on people like us!

So be cautious and sensible.

But some interesting Google searches for reading ideas, theories and ultimately how to get help and hope around this awful opioid numbing we traumatised trinnies walk around with are:

"How to increase your vagal tone" - this is great for anxiety disorders in general too. Tricks like swimming in the ocean all year round can help, or just having cold showers instead of hot. That's why those old codgers that swim in the middle of winter at 4:30am in the ocean baths live until they are 306!

"Polyvagal Theory" and "Stephen Porges", fascinating scientist.

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr Bessel van der Kolk, he's a rock start legend god-like leader of all things traumatically terrible.

"Jon Kabat-Zinn" - great mindfulness guru. He's father was also a very well known scientist so he's approach recognises that traumatised individuals may find some mindfulness too triggering at times. He's sensible and doesn't pretend it is a panacea that will fix all of your problems, and isn't out trying to make money out of it like so many others are.

Reading up on trauma and the psoas and hip flexors is fascinating.

Again be respectful to your good self and only look into these resources if you're feeling strong enough. Maybe do it with another person.

If you are triggered always reach out for help. You pay taxes, use the system you help pay for.

Sweet-Tinned-Corn

[Cornstarch]

Yeah it's terrible.

That's the nature of anxiety isn't it - "mouse on a wheel" around and around and around.

That's great you're seeing a psychologist and you're being pro-active. Lot's of people can't cut through the numbing enough to even see that there is a problem.

The fear that you are going "crazy" is actually a sign that you are lucid and not in psychosis. Those illnesses are in my family and when someone is in psychosis they're not afraid. They are so desperately unwell that afraid is actually to be in reality. They may be agitated, but they're not scared if you get what I mean.

Feeling like your going crazy or going to die is a key feature of all anxiety disorders. You're not alone in that we all feel it to some degree, it horrible.

Good luck with your therapy I hope it goes well for you.

[Jada89]

Anxiety is a cruel beast. I did actually read if you realise you have a problem of some sort then you aren't in psychosis. Thanks for your kind words I will remain positive and keep fighting the fight. All the best to you.

[Cornstarch]

You really wanted me to tell you that you are crazy and I didn't give you what you want.

Damn those people with direct lived experience of psychosis.

Most people feel mad at times, I certainly do.

Anxiety sucks.

I send you white light to your vagus nerve. It will not be nerve racking it will be restorative this time, take it in.