Debilitating anxiety about death

[YellowPoppy]

Hi friends,

My anxiety has latched on to death and its unrelenting.
I always thought that when I go I'd be surrounded by loved ones, especially my mum but I'm the youngest in my family and I don't want kids. So now I'm terrified of dying alone and that I won't which is all mixed up with losing my mum. See, she's been one of my main support systems and shes been helping me through all of this but what happens if she goes and I'm still like this. I'm really scared. And of course it's more extensive than that because I end up spiralling and I think of other things, like I'm not close with my brothers and I don't know how to start communicating with them.

Normally when I get anxious I can tell myseld I'm being silly and I can talk myself down, but in this case my fear is a real possibility. And everytime mum helps me through an episode I struggle not think about what would happen if wasn't here.
I rarely feel anything except anxiety, my stomach is constantly tense, I feel confused about my relationship with my partner because of it. I don't feel comfort when we hug or when he reaches out, I don't really feel live for him right now and I know that's cause I'm So wrapped up in my fear but it makes everything ten times harder.

Im paralysed from fear of this. And I don't understand how no one else is.

YellowPoppy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi YellowPoppy,

I feel the very real fear and anxiety in your words. Fear of losing loved ones is a very understandable and debilitating fear...

You sound like you have a very close relationship with your mum, which is beautiful. But the flip side is it must make your fears that much more intense...

I think a lot of anxiety is fuelled by living excessively, so to speak, in the future. It’s awful when our minds wander to a time beyond “now”...propelled by “what will” and “what if”...and that’s very scary...

I wonder if it would help to gently remind yourself that no one will know what will happen tomorrow, and that fearing the “what if’s” takes away from the precious moments you have with your loved ones now. That being said, I also realise that’s infinitely easier in theory than in practice...

My other gentle suggestion, and you can see what you think about it, is to book an appointment with your GP (if you haven’t already). Maybe you can tell him or her how much you’re struggling with your anxious thoughts, and enquire about a mental health care plan (that would entitle you to a certain number of Medicare rebatable visits to a psychologist). Just a little idea from me...

I am thinking of you, and would love to hear how things are going when and if you’re feeling up to it. Take your time though...no pressure or obligation...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[YellowPoppy]

Hi Pepper,

It so nice to be acknowledged.
I am already in the process of getting a psychologist, unfortunately the pysch I chose had to go away on emergency leave before I could see her. She's now back but has allot of backlog, we've I formed the intake receptionist that my situation is urgent and they will be contacting us early next week.

I've had anxiety since I was a child so my relationship with my mum is complicated, extensive and important.

I am struggling with this allot throughout the day and quite intensely in the evenings but I am sleeping through the night.

I am trying to take things minute by minute so I don't overwhelm myself but almost everything triggers me.

Thank you for your understanding and kind words, I appreciate your advice and support

YellowPoppy