Constant growing anxiety that I might have schizophrenia, feel hopeless

[lonelyglassesgirl]

Over the past two years, I have had an increasing fear that I might have schizophrenia. Unfortunately, this is manifesting in my becoming increasingly obsessed with reading articles about schizophrenia risk factors, which isn't exactly reassuring as I have several -- including a grandparent with it, my mum having a difficult pregnancy and traumatic birth with me (inc. pre-eclampsia and apparent hypoxia), and myself having early-onset diagnosed developmental disorders and mental health issues including OCD, GAD, and panic attacks (all diagnosed before age 15).

I know that all of these are risk factors for developing schizophrenia, and now I've become convinced that my life is hopeless and I probably/definitely will develop it.

Since the end of 2016, I've been having severe difficulty sleeping (on and off), and also catastrophising about this. The very first time it happened, I thought I was having a manic episode as I didn't feel tired and I also briefly became nocturnal involuntarily. But now I do feel tired when this happens and return to a normal sleep pattern after the episodes, which are generally 2-3 nights in a row once or twice a month.

Also, nearly all (75%) of my extended family members have more severe mental illness than me, and it's possible that my uncle has schizophrenia also. Thankfully, my immediate family members have less severe issues, but the overall picture isn't very hopeful. I just keep thinking that at any moment I will develop really severe mental health issues, so I wonder what the point is of pursuing my goals.

I keep having panic attacks and, either as a cause or an effect of these, being convinced that I am about to have a psychotic episode. I also experienced two traumatic events last year, the first of which triggered the return of the panic attacks (following about 5 years with barely any), and the second of which made me so frightened that my dad thought I was having a psychotic episode.

I'm also confused about the boundary between catastrophising and having negative thoughts, and having an actual delusional belief. Because sometimes I have catastrophised so much that, in retrospect, it actually seems quite delusional. This especially happens at night, when I can't sleep.

Is there any way to reduce this anxiety? I feel like every time I go to a psychologist, it's the same thing of me spending almost the entire time asking if they think I am developing schizophrenia.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I've hesitated to reply, now that you havent had a reply I'll give you a go. I dont know a lot about schizophrenia.

What I do know is, regardless of illness, nothing beats a diagnosis and a second opinion.

No wonder you are feeling isolated with these fears.

This worry you have is my main concern. Worry only produces ulcers. Anxiety is a serious condition but sufferers believe, falsely, it isnt and it is quick to remedy. That is incorrect.

I've selected a few threads that might help. Simply google them and read the first post of each.

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Beyondblue topic a good nights deep sleep

I hope you benefit from those. You can also use the search bar above. Place in there a word at a time like- distraction, sleep, schizophrenia, diagnosis and so on.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Alana_H]

Hi,

Thanks for posting, it seems like you have a lot going on right now and I don't blame you for being worried, it must be really hard to feel like you are definitely going to get schizophrenia. Being surrounded by mental illness and having traumatic experiences would definitely create some huge worries and I don't think anyone would expect you not to have concerns. Anxiety can present in many different ways and as you know it can keep those thoughts rolling over and over in your head, it sounds like you might have some symptoms of illness anxiety disorder which is something you can talk about with your psychologist if you like.

I can see you've dealt with a lot and I wonder if there are strategies in the past that have worked for you when dealing with anxious thoughts? Also you seem very well read about mental illness so I wonder if you can trust in your knowledge for now? I know mindfulness gets thrown around a lot but it can be really helpful when those thought just keep pushing in. A great way to get started is the smiling mind app https://www.smilingmind.com.au. Also the Sane helpline 1800 187 263 is staffed by mental health professionals if you want to talk about mental illnesses.

I hope you're travelling ok and if you want to jump back on here for a chat or to give us an update feel free.

Alana_H

[Wazowski]

Hi lonelyglassesgirl,

Firstly, I just wanted to say how impressed I am with your insight and awareness into mental illness and what is going on for you. You have been going through a lot since a young age, and these recent traumas seem to have triggered an onset of more intense symptoms. It would be terrifying to deal with the possibility of having a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and from what you have described, it seems like a real possibility.

I am not able to provide you with a diagnosis, only a professional can do that. However, it is great that you have awareness that these symptoms could be early signs of schizophrenia, which means that you can take the appropriate steps to manage it. From your research, you have probably seen that schizophrenia is treatable and that you can continue to lead a fulfilling life. Your life isn’t hopeless if you are given this diagnosis, because it does not make up your identity. It is an illness like any physical illness, and can be managed with the correct treatment.

You also mentioned that you are always asking your psychologist if you have schizophrenia. I was wondering if that means they don’t think you have it? If that is the case, perhaps you could spend more time in therapy working on different techniques to help with your anxiety and panic attacks. As Alana_H mentioned, Mindfulness is a proven method for decreasing anxiety, so maybe you could ask your psychologist about how you can implement that in your life?

Take care of yourself,
Wazowski