Concerned about my anxiety /depression

[Holmancy]

Hi all,

First of all thanks for having this great forum.

I was wondering where to talk about my current situation and thought to give this forum a try. Hopefully someone can help me.

Just a bit of background, I'm 36 years old, happily married for 11 years and have a good job in IT. I've always had anxiety specially sexual performance anxiety and social anxiety but I've never found it affecting my overall mood/life. Now for the past two weeks I've been feeling vey down and unhappy. I've been worried about my family overseas due to Pandamic and work is a bit hectic these days too which I think might be the reason which triggered all this.

It started from feeling guilt that happened years ago even some bad memories from my childhood came back to annoy me. It hit me hard as I tend to dwell on negative thoughts but it just went down hill from there. I started to crying for no reason and just felt really upset. Then my thoughts started to get darker and for the first time in my life I started experiencing intrusive thoughts and nightmares about those thoughts . It really freaked me out to the point that I'm really scared of anything sharp like knives and my anxiety is through the roof now thinking why am i going through this. My mind is racing with thoughts and I'm exhausted. I would appreciate any help or advise that can calm my mind. I'm planning to see my GP soon.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

There are a few things going on in your life at the moment. Beyond blue has a website dedicated to things covid related. And on a positive note... you have made an appointment to see your GP about all this which will hopefully get you started with a way to get some of your mojo back.

Your speaking on the forums here - is this the first time you have spoken about this? Have you been able to speak with anyone else about these thoughts?

To answer your questions at the end of your post... You can look at apps for phone. Things like headspace, calm, smiling mind, virtual hope box, etc. There are also threads on the forums here to look at on grounding, mindfulness. There are other threads in the staying well section. Journaling can also be helpful.

This may feel like a challenging time and a struggle. Remember that all the people here will be here to support you.

[Holmancy]

Thanks for your reply. Yes it's first time I've spoken about this online. I also spoke with my wife who is very supportive. Thanks for providing those resources will check them out

[Petal22]

Hi Holmancy,

Sorry you are feeling this way...... I understand.......... I came to a point in my life when my anxiety was really severe...... I know what you are talking about when you have fears of things ( eg knives).......

I was diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist...... some people with OCD have fears of knifes ect.... some go to the point of hiding them...... ( due to the fears of what if )

people with ocd have intrusive thoughts..... the thoughts leads to .... what if.... what does this mean? So on so on

this is the sufferer getting caught up in an ocd cycle......

I was in the grips of ocd for a long time until I got the help I needed I saw a gp... who put me on antidepressants for my anxiety.... I also did a mental health plan with my gp which gave me 10 free sessions with a phycologist I saw a phyciatrist who diagnosed me...... this then led me to an ocd clinic who specialised in ocd....it gave me the tools I needed to master my ocd..... it took time and perseverance to practice what I was taught but I have now recovered.... thanks to the help I received....

That’s great you are seeing a gp please do it will be the start of your recovery.....

to help you now..... practice meditation, mindfulness, attention training, practice slowing down your breathing....

I know it’s a hard thing to go through but you will get through this..... stay positive.... keep pushing forward

Im here if you want to chat or have any questions 😊

[mocha delight]

Hi holmancy you sound exactly like me from ‘it started from’ but for me it started 2-3 years ago or I think it was but that just might be when I realised it was becoming a issue. I thought I was at my worst pre antidepressants but since Tuesday last week I feel like I’ve been spiraling downwards which I never felt like that even pre antidepressants so I know what your talking about.

[Holmancy]

Thank you both for your reply and hope you get better Mocha. I thought I'm going crazy when going through this but I feel better now that I know I'm not the only one.

@Petal22, what you described is what I'm going through you. Loop cycles of what ifs and freaking out of my thoughts and then getting anxious. Do you think I should mention to my GP that it might be OCD to speed things up? Now my question is can OCD be just with thoughts? I've known some people with OCD of washing hands excessively or afraid of germs but didn't know it can exist with thoughts only.

[Petal22]

Hi Holmancy,

OCD can make you feel like you are going crazy...... you are not alone many people have this condition...... it’s usually the nicest of people who develop this condition......

yes please mention it to your gp, I’d highly recommend you ask your gp to refer you to a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist for a diagnosis..

ensure if you are seeing a psychologist that they are “ clinical “ a normal psychologist can’t diagnose.....

yes ocd is a thinking cycle we have the thought, obsess over the thought... the anxiety is turned up........

the good news is you can learn through ocd therapy how to break free of its grips.... believe me you can I did so there is hope you can....

and yes ocd can be just with thoughts ( I experienced this) we do compulsions in our minds that keep us locked in this ocd cycle.....

if you do therapy ensure it’s ocd specialised... I highly recommend you do group sessions I was told they get better results than single sessions.... I learned to master my ocd in group sessions.....it took time to practice the skills I was taught but it’s the best thing I ever did! It gave me back a full normal life...😊 I’m so grateful for the therapy I received..

when you have an intrusive thought re direct your mind to something in the present moment like if you are washing the dishes what does the water feel like, what does it smell like, how do they sound in the water

this will turn your attention to what you are doing so you arnt stuck in your head

one thing I learned while having ocd was never alow your anxiety/ thoughts to stop you from doing what you want to do.... don’t allow it to make you distance yourself from the people you love..... Keep pushing through it..... defy it

its hard but you can do it! You are so much stronger than it! If you have ocd you can learn to master it , once you master it you will begin to fly!

never loose hope you can overcome this condition with the correct help....

I believe I overcame this condition so I could come through the other side to help others who are going through similar conditions..

im always here to chat to you and support you...

please keep in touch and let me know how your recovery goes... because you will recover... stay positive 😊

[Holmancy]

Thanks again Petal, cant thank you enough for your time and effort in replying, it already made me feel better.

you mention I need to ensure the therapy to be ocd specialised, How can I ask for this? From my gp or later from the psychologist?

Thats interesting you said to keep doing what I want to. Past two weeks I noticed I'm not doings things I enjoy doing.
So it's hard to do that when I'm down. But great advice thanks again

[Petal22]

Hi Holmancy,

Thats ok 😊 I’m glad I have helped you feel better...

For OCD therapy you need a diagnosis...... my diagnosis came from a psychiatrist.... maybe check with your gp if they can refer you to a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist for a diagnosis.... if your diagnosis is OCD ask you psychiatrist to refer you to a specialised OCD therapy....

yes no worries 😉 push yourself to keep doing the things you enjoy even if your mind tells you not to do them..... I also learned a depressed mind won’t want to do things but you need to override it and still make yourself do things you enjoy.....

I found being with people was helpful..... don’t isolate yourself.....

meditation was very helpful for anxiety/ ocd my clinic recommend a specific one for ocd but you may find one on your ph that will help you now.... look for one that’s ..... learning to watch your thoughts....

I learned through meditation I was not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts..... it takes practice but you too can learn this.... I meditated every day I highly recommend it...

im here if you want to chat or have questions....

hang in there and keep pushing forward 💪

[Holmancy]

Thanks again, much appreciated. I just went to my GP mentioned about OCD and he referred me to a clinical psychologist. I'll let you know how that goes 🙂

Cheers,