Caught in a never ending cycle...

[A_Bit_Of_A_Pickle]

Like probably a lot of people here, I know that anxiety tends to be a bit of a sneaky *insert your choice of swear word here*, and to be honest I thought I was done, until about a week ago when it came back with a bit of a chip on it's shoulder. I feel like everything I've worked for in the last year has fallen apart, and what's worse is that I know why - and i still can't stop it. Maybe I should give a bit of back story. I've been having panic attacks and anxiety since i was thirteen but wasn't officially diagnosed until the beginning of last year at the age of 22 when my depression and panic attacks could no longer be hidden. My anxiety is usually coupled with extreme nightmare which lead to acute insomnia, an extreme aversion to food and pretty epic panic attacks leaving me emotionally and physically worn down. I got help and started on medication which made me feel better and i was able to start regulating my sleep and eating again so much so I was able to go and study overseas for six months. I've been back for over a year now and felt that I was doing really well - until last week when I started getting nightmares again, which made me afraid of sleep, which as you could imagine makes it very difficult to sleep, which makes me more stressed, which makes me more emotional, which makes me more anxious, which makes me afraid that the whole terrible cycle will start again.
I've just finished uni, I'm broke and jobless which is adding to the stress and worry about my future and the things that used to help me cope actually seem to be making everything worse. Foods I used enjoy turn to ash in my mouth, shows and music that used to calm me remind me of my anxiety in the past. Because of some childhood interactions I find it extremely difficult to explain to people how I'm feeling. I don't know if i can afford going to the doctor's, and i feel like if I go back on medication i'll be letting everyone who helped me down, let alone my self. But most of all i just want to live. I want to not have to worry about this stuff anymore, and just knowing that I have to start the whole process all over again hurts me.

[blondguy]

Hi Pickle

Anxiety at any level can be a debilitating disorder to have. My first major attack was at 23.

You have been through a lot with your anxiety pickle. Can I ask why you feel you will be letting down all the people that have helped you if you go back on your meds?

Just for me, the way out of the web of anxiety was super regular therapy (mine was weekly for 6 months) with a free mental health worker and calm & true acceptance that the meds can help us lead a relatively stable life. Also some type of follow up counseling every few months keeps the anxiety and the overthinking at bay.

Anxiety is no different than a physical problem like diabetes or heart disease. Thinking happy thoughts wont really help when we are wearing 'invisable crutches'

you are not on your own here Pickle. I hope you can post back when convenient for you of course

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[Nikkir]

Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. I hear you and really feel for you, it sounds like you are going through a very difficult time at the moment and that you have also suffered in the past with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I do have some experience with these things and I am a carer of a young person that does experience this and extreme panic attacks so I know that they are very real and can be debilitating. Are you on medication at the moment ? What do you think may have triggered this again? If you find a DR that can Bulk Bill or Medical Centre alot do, then you can get a referral for 6 sessions with a qualified therapist under medicare. Pretty sure this is still the case. Failing that there are many places that do medicare. You can ring our line on 1300 22 46 36 and they are good to talk to and a good referral service. On a positive note, it is great that you have finished uni, what an amazing achievement. You should be very proud of yourself, I would be, I know how hard uni is. I am sure you will get a job soon it just seems as if you are overwhelmed with everything at once. It must be hard that it is effecting your sleep and eating, I would definately recommend seeing a GP. Just know that you are not alone and we are always here you can ring or chat online. It would be great to hear from you again if you have the time. Just one more thing, do you think the uni could help you look for employment ? My uni has a careers section. I haven't been there but I imagine that would have good advice or leads. Wishing you all the best. Nikkir x