Burnt out

[Jubee]

Hi all,

I’m new here and honestly didn’t think I’d have the courage to post online.

A bit of a back story I’m a 30 yr old married, mother of four children under 8 years old. We’re a homeschooling family as the local public school didn’t work out for my eldest.

ive suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remembered and it is burning me out more than ever now. The demands of being a stay at at home mum, feeling lonely but surrounded by tiny people is exhausting!

I feel horrible for my children because my anxiety has caused me to be a grump and not at all a ‘fun’ mother. I desperately want to find a suitable school but it’s difficult because I obsess over how far away it is and how I’ll go driving there (driving is another issue).

I always worry over my children’s health even with a basic flu/cold I assume they’ll be in the hospital on an oxygen mask or something. One tiny cough and I go into panic mode it’s awful. You’d like I’d be past that with having four children but it’s amplified.

I have feelings of wanting to put the kids in school and daycare and find a job for myself to zone out but then I can’t think of a suitable career for my quirks and worry wart tendencies.

A few months ago I got a referral for 10 free sessions with a phycologist. I haven’t had the courage to book and call them because once again making a basic phone call gives me anxiety.

It feels like a living hell and constant merry go round I want a better life for my kids, husband and myself! Please any suggestions of where to even start would be greatly appreciated!

[Emmy.]

Hi Jubee. Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. I’m so proud of you for taking that leap of faith and joining us 🙂 Just want to remind you that you’re safe here! This is your space to share as much or a little as you want.

I’m sorry to read that you’re struggling at the moment with your anxiety. It sounds like you have a lot on with 4 children under the age of 8. Do you have much support from your husband, family and friends?

Please know that your children love you unconditionally - always will 🙂 you’re Mum! And it’s normal to be grumpy don’t be too tough on yourself. But remember you’ve also got to put yourself first sometimes, especially at the moment when you’re struggling. I’m not a Mum, my sister is, and I know she has a tendency to put everyone else’s needs before her own. Do you get any alone time? Where you could perhaps do some journalling or meditation? (I know those two activities help me with my anxiety).

You mentioned that you have a tendency to catastrophise (overthink) situations - such a your children’s health. Once think my psychologist has taught me is to try to remember times when these sort of scenarios have ever come true... e.g. your children ending up in hospital because of a cold. I’d imagine they’re slim to none. Try to feel reassured by that. Remember you’ve handled lots of colds / flus / gasterics bugs in the past. You got through them. You can do it again. A lot of self talk helps.

Or another suggestion is allow yourself “worry time”... which is say from 9pm-9.30pm you can spend half an hour worrying about everything for that day. You can’t have any more time than that allocated 30 mins. You can write it down, say it out loud, talk with someone. Some days you'll find you might not even need the full 30 mins or might not need worry time at all.

In terms of looking for schooling / daycare. Is there any way that you and your husband could go out an visit some of them together. Read up reviews on schools in your area. Practice the drive in peak school time to see if you could handle it.

I really think it’s great you’ve been able to get that referral from your doctor for 10 sessions with a psychologist. Personally I found that the hardest bit - admitting it to my GP. Don’t get me wrong the first appointment I was anxious too...perhaps take along a support person, a friend or relative. They could even go in with you for the first session if you’re comfortable with that.

Here for you Jubee. Emmy x

[Croix]

Dear Jubee~

I'd like to join Emmy in welcoming you here. I'm sure you are going to find there are many here with the exact same problems.

Trying to fix things when you are at your worse is a sort of chicken and egg situation. You need to be better to start the improvement process. Almost -but not quite -impossible.

You have made two steps forward, getting a MH plan, and talking here. That's great! OK so lets use coming here to help with that MH Plan. First off why go for a plan anyway? If you are like me then medical support was a huge part of the reason I'm no longer trapped inside myself. True it's not all perfect, but livable, and enjoyable most times.

You don't really have to go intending to have a heavy face to face session. You can write things down at your leisure and share the paper. Going that way does help - I did it in point form, my psych thought it was excellent and gave a pretty clear picture of what needed to be addressed. Letting someone know the whole picture is the worst bit, going though after with exercises and therapy is not as bad.

You don't even have to phone up for an appointment. Nowadays you can use email, or use an on-line booking facility if they have one. All else fails can you get your husband or someone else to do the ringing?

Maybe you would end up on meds - maybe not - however I have, and they have really helped.

With all the problems in your life who supports you? You are flat out supporting your kids and being really overwhelmed by the pressure as a result. Who can you talk with, and who can help with the load? I found my partner, once she understood, was amazing. If you have someone what do you think about getting them to take you to your first appointment - maybe even come in with you if you like, just as Emmy suggests?

I have the feeling with that much love and thought your kids are getting the best, even if you think you are grumpy at times. How many would even contemplate home schooling? A most demanding thing to do.

You are right, it is a constant merry go round, governed by anxious thoughts. You have already taken the first steps in slowing it down so you can get off. Treatment of course, plus I suspect getting all your kids to school may be things that help.

Croix