Bouts of Anxiety

[Amara]

I have been struggling with (undiagnosed) anxiety. 

I have bouts of it. I will be feeling fine and then will do something or have something happen that triggers it and my mind catastrophises it. So for example:

- I googled and printed some ben 10 pictures for one of my kids on the work computer during my lunch hour.  Not something I normally do, and then i spent the whole afternoon silently freaking out that maybe one of those pictures could have had a virus that I have now downloaded and I  will have to explain to work about the pictures. I ended up binning the pictures because they caused me so much anxiety to look at.  

- if I go past a mobile speed camera, even though I know I was doing under the speed limit, I will start to question myself. Maybe I wasn't under the speed limit and then spend the next two weeks checking the app for a ticket. 

These types of incidences and triggers seem to be happening more and more.  

Generally every day I have to check things are locked/ turned off like three or four times. 

I feel like I am spending so much time fighting myself that taking on life is exhausting. I am a mum of twin boys with behavioural/developmental issues, working full time and paying off a house.

I feel like I am responsible for everything and my partner just has no responsibility. I need to tell him to do things to get them done (e.g. housework, drop offs for kids, etc). He isn't on the mortgage as he has child support/student loan debts that i wasn't aware of until after we had kids. He is concentrating on paying those off but it means he can't help paying extra off the house. 

Sorry for the rant. I have put in Doctor's appointments and chickened out on keeping them. 

I just need a break from the anxious feelings and don't know how to voice that to a doctor to get help. 

[_Gigi_]

Hello Amara,

I hope you are doing alright. I want to assure you that you're not alone in being nervous on how to tell your doctor about how you are feeling. I put off getting help for years because I just had no idea what to say. When I did finally see my doctor, it opened up a lot of resources and support. Mental health struggles are something a lot of people face, so many doctors are able to suggest local therapists and give you a solid starting point and support. One thing I would suggest is writing down your feelings, so if you are overwhelmed or having trouble explaining, you can let them read it. Even what you wrote here might be helpful to show if you're comfortable with it. You deserve support and I'm rooting for you!

-Gigi

[Amara]

Hi, 

Thanks for your response. I have been and seen the Doctor, and they were no help. The options here aren't great and I had to slow down my speech for her to understand what I was saying. 

When she finally understood me, she told me to go for a 30 minute walk each day, eat healthy and practice good sleep hygiene. All things I have either tried or just can't manage with my young kids.

She then offered to refer me to a counsellor if in 4-6 weeks, I am not feeling better.  I was so utterly disappointed in the whole thing by this point, that I just wanted the appointment to end. 

I am exhausted and run down, I am getting over my third cold in 2 months and have lost my voice again, I am trying to learn a new role at work and I just needed these bouts of anxiety to stop for a while so I could get my feet. 

I have taken a few days off work to try and sort myself out a bit and just have a break. I think it will be a long while before I bother with the doctor again. 

[Soberlicious96]

Hi Amara, 

It sounds like you are feeling as though you are under a lot of pressure and want relief quickly. I get that; we all want help 'now' for things that are happening in our lives and really, it's no wonder, after all, we live in an 'instant' society. We get instant money from the bank, instant coffee, instant messaging etc. It's no wonder we want to feel instantly better. 

Perhaps a few days off will help you to relax and recharge a bit. And yes, healthy eating, having a good regular sleep pattern and getting some exercise are all things that can help you to feel better, but sometimes, particularly when you are run down and have a recurring cold (sounds like what I had a little while ago, which I too had some trouble shaking it off) then a restful recharge can also help you to reset a bit. 

I do hope that you soon get the rest and relief you are seeking and that you start to feel better soon. Take care. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. And remember, BB is here and available 24/7.