Are they being harsh or am I not believing in myself hard enough?

[Cheese_louise]

Alot of poeple think and spread the wrong meaning of agoraphobia. They think it means to be afraid of the outside or people. But that's social anxiety.

Agoraphobia is a fear of experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, outside of your comfort spaces.

I also have emetophobia, which is a fear of puking and fainting.

If I experience anything like nausea, faint, extremely cold or extremely hot, thirst, muscle pain, bone ache, cramps, ect ect.

I go into anxiety.

And if that happens outside of my comfort space (in my case, my house) I quite literally go into overdrive.

Today, I was supposed to go on a 3 hour away Airbnb for a family trip. The weather was 34°C.

I only made it about 30 minutes into the drive, before I had multiple consecutive panic attacks in a spam of minutes.

That is the worst it's ever been.

I convinced my family to turn back.

I tried to get them to go without me, but they refuse and are mad because I won't change my mind.

I want to take baby steps. I want to go slow.

This seems like too many steps all at once.

And after all those panic attacks, I am burnt out. I can't handle change anymore than I just did.

I need a break in between these types of events.

I want to try again as time goes by, but this was already a big step.

Im currently at home experiencing a panic attack hangover (small bounts of anxiety after a panic attack).

My anxiety won't stop.

My family is telling me that I have to push myself past this anxiety so that I can get better.

But I'm afraid that if I push myself any more than I did, my anxiety will just get worse and I'll be in a place that's not my home, having that anxiety.

The furthest I've been in my journey to recovery, is an hour drive to eat out for my dads birthday, and taking a train ride to the city for my sister's birthday.

I had anxiety with both, but never did I have it this bad.

I don't know if it's because it wasn't hot or because I knew I was coming back home in a hour or 2.

I don't know what to do. I feel like my anxiety has come back to square one and I have to do everything all over again after this incident.

My dad also told me that I have to make it up to my mum for missing out on the trip. Which made me sob because I already feel guilty for making her stay back and for making the others miss one day of their 5 day trip.

They are all clearly mad but only my younger brother and Older sister are being nice. Which I appreciate, but I feel so horrible. 

[Croix]

Dear Cheese_louise~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome to the Forum, a good place to come as you will find differing perspectives on all sort of things.

First I guess you are right, my psych told me acrophobia was not fear of leaving a house, it was fear of not being able to retreat to safety to get out of a problem. I have a stomach issue and needed to be always close to a toilet, and if I had to go further away than was practical then that  caused me to be very anxious and sometimes even panic.

First may I ask if you are being treated for these conditions by a psychologist or psychiatrist? I found I could not improve my stomach issue and the limitations it placed on me without assistance - you may be the same.

I"m afraid your parents are not well versed in this condition and as far as I can see are doing the exact opposite of what you need. They re expecting you to leave your comfort zone far behind, get angry, blame you and make you feel guilty. They really do need education classes by a professional on these matters

If you had a recently broken leg I dare say it would be very different - they could understand that. I'm afraid they simply have no idea of what you are going though and their conduct can only make it worse. I'm glad your younger brother and older sister are the opposite and treat you well.

I think you are also right that small steps add up, so by starting out with something less taxing you can add to it next time. Not always a smooth road, you have to expect two steps forward one back if you are anything like me.

To lead such a limiting life is something nobody should have to do, and to be blamed for it simply makes life worse as it simply is NOT your fault.

If you have not already done so please see your GP and explain all that is happening, then see what they recommend. Life can be heaps better in time with the right help.

You know you will always be welcome here.

Croix

[therising]

Hi Cheese_louise

My heart goes out to you as you struggle in so many ways. I think people underestimate just how much we wish we could manage but just can't, for a whole variety of reasons. 

While I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, sometimes I find it pays to imagine things from a kind of soulful perspective. Btw, it's not necessarily about believing, simply imagining. For example, if I imagine and think 'I am me in a body with a mind. What do my body and mind not like and what do they like or thrive on?'. I can tell you what my mind and body don't like based on feeling or feelings. I know they're not happy when

• I can sense what 'Way too far outside of my comfort zone' feels like
• I can sense what 'Way too much inner dialogue going on at once' feels like
• I can sense what 'Too much heat for my body to cope with' feels like. Not a fan of summer at all
• I can sense what 'Facing way too many challenges at once' feels like
• I can sense what 'Way too much noise or sound in one place' feels like

and the list goes on. Basically, I'm a feeler. While being a feeler has its pros, there are definitely some significant challenges too.

If I imagine 'I am me, with this mind and body that lead me to feel all these experiences in life, how can I manipulate or manage this mind and body I have?'. I think it's important that the people around us act as guides and supports when it comes to what our mind and body can actually manage under the circumstances. This is something Croix touches on, other people being educated in what we can manage under the circumstances. People can actually help us become masters of our mind and body, which is one of the ultimate challenges in life.

You need to give yourself some credit when it comes to managing getting your mind and body to go to your dad's birthday and your sister's birthday. I imagine your nervous system was not thrilled about such challenges but you still rose to those challenges. I'm wondering how you managed them. I'm wondering how you manipulated your mind and body into going. On the way there, did you manage your nervous system through breathing/venting out some of the stress/hyperactivity or maybe you read a book or listened to music, so as to distract your mind? The body will typically feel what our mind focuses on which, as you know, can create a kind of loop at times: 'I'm focusing on my nervous system starting to get worked up. I can feel what it's doing. Now that I'm fully conscious of it getting worked up, I can feel it getting worked up even more into a state of hyperactivity. Now I can feel it impacting my heart rate. Now I can feel it running through my nerves as my hands begin to buzz/tingle. Now I'm fully feeling it having a breathtaking impact, with me struggling to breath' and on it goes. In life, there are feelers and there are people who don't feel all that much. With those people who don't feel all that much, they tend to wonder what's wrong with us. They're typically the 'You need to stop being so sensitive and just get on with life' kinda people.