Anxious to go to class.

[Ireth]

Hi there,

This is my first time doing this kind of thing so I... don't know what I'm doing really. But I'll try.

This year I was accepted into uni, to do a course that would lead to a dream job should my stuff be amazing and all that jazz. There are lots of people younger and more talented then I am and that gets rubbed in my face a lot.

About 2 months ago, I lost my father. Someone who I wasn't very close to but still hurt. The maybes and what ifs are now nothing.

My school was supportive. They gave me extra time and everything like that. But towards the end of the semester, I felt they were just pushing me aside and wanting me to get my assignments in just so they didn't have someone fail or leave the course.

I'm not very social, lots of people make me very anxious to the point I shake. I always think that I'm not good enough with everything I do. So after a weeks break from uni, semester 2 has started. At first, everything was ok, I could go into class and listen to my teachers. But then the second week came around and I skipped a few classes. Now I'm in the 4th week and am getting emails about not attending. Meanwhile at home being told off by my mother and my boyfriend. Both know I suffer from anxiety but am just told to get over and go to class.

I'm worried that if I go back now, the time I've missed will make me behind, therefore make me stupid and not as good as everyone else. I hate asking for help, I don't have any friends in my class to kind of help me. I feel to my teachers I'm just another number and thinking of going to class makes me want to cry and curl up in a ball and be sick. But then the disappointment on everyones faces around me makes me want to do the same thing.

[White_Rose]

Dear Ireth

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Being anxious about school or uni is quite normal so please think of yourself as being normal. I know it won't take away the shakes, at least not immediately, but it will help you to feel good about yourself. It's unfortunate that other people cannot see your hurt and expect your life to just go on after receiving a shock like the death of your father.

Getting over it is not as simple as it appears to others. They are thinking in terms of themselves and how they feel when something worries them. They may have a few sleepless nights but it is totally different from the person who has anxiety all the time. Beyond Blue has heaps of information on anxiety and I think it would help you to read it and send for some of the information to give to your mom and BF. Checkout the blue tabs at the top of the page.

Meanwhile I suggest you make an appointment with your GP if you are talking to him/her already. Your doctor may be able to give you some medication to help in short term and send you to a counsellor for long term management. You have been managing on your own for a while and it seems the death of your dad has made you feel worse.

Going to uni has also added to your woes. Leaving school and going to uni is a huge step and often people find it too big a step. So they defer for a year. This is also an option for you I believe. There should be counsellors on the uni campus for you to talk to. They know all about student life and how it affects people. So make an appointment to see them. I think their services are generally free, but they will tell you.

Still go to your GP and see what he/she has to say. You have had this anxiety for a while so it may be better if you saw a counsellor away from uni.

Get the BB information and give to BF and mom. It may help them to understand how you feel and how to best help you. Because this information is coming from Beyond Blue it is acceptable by the community and you cannot be accused of any kind of malingering.

I hope you continue to post in here as I am sure others will also write to you. I will look for your posts also.

Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Ireth,

Thank you so much for coming here and posting and also, I’d like to welcome you to Beyond Blue.

This is your first time for sharing and I’d like to say “thank you” again for being able to do this and well done on this also. It can take a lot of effort to do this, so good on you.

Now, this year has been a real rollercoaster for you, but the coaster is tending to be on a downward turning phase and that is very understandable. Yes, you may not have been close with your father, but now that he’s not here, I can understand your feelings of what if’s etc and of course, it would still hurt. With grief, there is no rule for how harsh it can affect someone nor for how long that effect will continue happening.

It was great to hear that your school were initially supportive – but that’s the thing with, I think society in general with regards to death. The initial phase of support and care is amazing (mostly), but after a certain point in time, there is the thing where the non-affected people will be asking or wanting the grieving person to move on. This can be grossly unfair as you may not be at a point where you’re ready to do this.

For me, it sounds like you may fall into this category and there is nothing wrong with that at all. As mentioned above, we are all different and death will affect each of us differently.

My thought after reading this, is there any option for you to defer this study, this course for some time down the track? I know little about Uni’s and the like, but just wondering whether this could be a possibility for you. As it seems that you’re not ready at this current time to give a bigger commitment to it.

Also, the comments from your mother and boyfriend, certainly aren’t helping you at all. I’m not sure if you’ve fully explained how you are feeling about this all, but it could be worthwhile sitting down with them and letting them know how this is really affecting you.

One other option, have you been to see your Doctor to get any possible professional advice; or perhaps a counsellor from the Uni??

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil