Anxious fear of dying of cancer.

[SlightlyAnxious]

Hello, not really sure what to say or were to start. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m new. I’m not sure what’s considered too much info 🤔

My mum passed away 22 years ago from melanoma cancer.Ever since then I have this fear of dying young. the closer I get to the age she died the worse I get. I am now the age she died.. 41 and I’m convinced I have colon cancer. I fluctuation between “don’t be silly” to “I am dying”.
i have suffered from hemorroids for many years. They don’t usually cause any problems or pain. Occasionally have had blood after a bowel movement. Now all of a sudden I think it’s colon cancer. I have been to my dr she didn’t seem overly concerned but referred me to have a colonoscopy because I said I’m freaking out. The consult for the colonoscopy isn’t until 8 weeks time.

I have also have this unusual discomfort under my right rib cage which travels to my back and shoulder blade for the last 12 months or so. It’s only been this last week that it’s constant prior to this it would come and go and not really be an issue. Just something I’m aware of. It feels like a dull stitch pain.Last year I had an ultra sound and had my liver and kidneys looked at. They found nothing. I also take medication for high blood pressure and have so for about 6 years. i get regular bloodwork to check my organs are strained.

Ever since panicking about going to have a colonoscopy I feel like I notice every little detail in my body and then convince myself it’s a symptom. I don’t know how to stop thinking about this, or googling every little thing which is making me feel even worse. I’ve never felt so anxious before and I just can’t make the feeling go, I feel strange.

[White_Rose]

Dear Slightly Anxious

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post.

Many people worry about becoming unwell and dying for all sorts of reasons. I'm sure you know intellectually that you do not have a cancer or any other major illness but you are also convinced by your emotions that you are indeed unwell. The brain can make us believe all sorts of things and the more dire the consequences the more we believe in them. Why this is so I don't know. I am sorry to learn your mom passed away 22 years ago. Her death would have been very distressing for you and you probably still miss her.

My sister died from ovarian cancer 15 years ago aged 66. I miss her very much and also my parents who have passed away. As we get older our family members and friends will die and leave us which is hard, though 41 is quite young.

Waiting eight weeks to have a colonoscopy is not a huge time. This type of cancer does not get rapidly worse so if there is some cancer present it can still be treated successfully. A friend of mine was told by her doctor she had something suspect in the bowel so had a colonoscopy. Unfortunately there was a cancer so they simply kept her in hospital until the next day and removed the cancer. Pretty straight forward and she has been clear ever since. So even if your fears turn out to be right it's not the end of the world. Please try to focus on that instead of allowing your mind to make up horror stories.

I see you have consulted Dr Google which is an unsafe way of getting a correct diagnosis. For that you need a doctor and your physical presence. Your symptoms may sound as though you have this or that illness but it could just be something completely minor. I have had breast cancer twice and survived. I did not know I had this until I had a mammogram via the breast screening program. Then it was straight to hospital for surgery. It will be the same for you if there is anything wrong.

Getting any kind of cancer does not automatically mean it's a death sentence. When you find yourself brooding go and do something active which uses your brain. It's a good way to bring yourself back to the present.

Did your doctor suggest any ways to keep calm? You could return and ask for meds to help control your anxiety for a few weeks. If you do go to see her why not ask to be referred to a psychologist who can help you manage your fears. This would help to manage the various aches and pains you are experiencing, and let you get on with your life.

Mary

[SlightlyAnxious]

Thank you very much Mary for your reply. It has helped a little. Just to bring my thoughts back to a realistic perspective.

I think my main fear is leaving my children. I have 2 sons, and because I know what it was like to grow up without a mother I fear that for them.

And yes I am doing the horrible irrational thing of seeking info from Dr google. So hard not to. I know it’s silly to do it.That’s why I come here.. to help stop me from searching elsewhere.

You survived breast cancer twice, that is amazing. I hope to have just a small piece of your strength. thanks again for replying.

[White_Rose]

Hello SA

Yes, two lots of breast cancer, same side but not huge surgery. The first was caught early and only needed surgery. I did have five years of follow up which was great. Then the second time was more serious and I had radiation treatment after the surgery. I was not afraid of the potential consequences although I know my children and grandchildren would be upset if I died. In reality I will die before them and they will be sad. At least I hope so. I hate to think I would not be missed. But yes, losing your mom when you were young is very different to mom passing away because of age.

Being concerned for your sons is a good reason to get some help to settle your worries. It is easy for me to say stop asking Dr Google. I'm not the one who is anxious. I can see the temptation to look for an answer but I think you will not be reassured by a positive answer. It sounds a bit as though you are wanting or expecting to have an illness so you can say "I told you so". Please excuse me if I am wrong.

This is the reason I believe you need some therapy. Not to everyone's taste I know but you have carried this burden for many years and it has grown a life of its own. These thoughts are almost like a cancer in their own right. They cause you pain, constantly remind you of their presence and take all the joy of living out of your life. This constant worry on its own can lead to unwanted consequences. You already have a high blood pressure which is perhaps due to your anxiety.This is why it will help to talk to someone who can work with you to allay these fears. Not a quick or easy solution but one that will get easier as you go along. Please consider it and have another chat to your GP. I am surprised he/she has not raised the subject already.

You said you would like some of my strength and I am happy to pass on whatever you need. My children were more concerned about my first breast cancer than me. The second time they were not as upset. However they are concerned about me now as I was recently diagnosed with a blood cancer. Sadly there is no cure but I am having treatment to keep it under control. I have no intention of dying from this and I believe I have many more years of a happy life left.It's often the way that we are more scared or worried about what may happen than what is actually happening.

Have you tried meditation? While it takes some getting used to it is really a good way to quiet the inner you. You can ask Mr Google about that.

Mary

[Tasguy]

Hi I once had passing blood from my back passage my first thought was bowel cancer straight away I imagine every stomach pain, back pain because of my anixety. U have had plenty of test done be assured they found nothing. I had a large poylp that caused the bleeding that was not cancerous. If ur pain U had for 12 months was serious it would be a lot worse by now