Anxious Drinking leading to hurting relationships

[Ziggy3]

Hi all,

I get severe social anxiety and when I am in social situations such as parties I tend to drink too much as it makes me feel less affected by anxiety. I only drink socially so I don't think it is a problem with drinking, only a problem with controlling myself. Recently I got very drunk at a party and recently hurt someone I love by saying something I don't remember. I often hurt this person when I am drinking and there seems to be a cycle of me hurting them unintentionally when I drink a lot and then having to profusely apologise the next few days. I think I am mean and hurt them because it stems from my insecurities and jealousy towards them. They are one of my closest friends and we have known each other for 10+ years but i'm afraid that I have really upset them and this could be the end of our relationship. I have anxiety about this to the point where I constantly feel sick and cannot eat. I have reached out to them but they seem to be ignoring me.

Please, any help about how I could manage this from happening again and any help to try and mend the relationship because I do not want to lose this person in my life?

[WhiteBear]

Hi Ziggy3,

Honesty is your only option. Tell your friend exactly your situation with anxiety. You’re not alone in this department. Sooo many people drink to calm their nerves in social situations.
I’ve had this problem for a very along time. I’ve hurt so many people over the years, however the person I hurt more is myself. The guilt can have such an impact on your wellbeing. Let’s not forget that alcohol is a depressant, so you’re more than likely still suffering as a result, and so is your friend.

One technique you could try is to follow the 3-snack rule. After several years I eventually implemented a rule where I would never consume anything greater than 3 identical snacks. Within reason of course, but his could be 3 biscuits, 3 cans of soft drink, 3 pieces of pizza, and 3 bottles of beer. I know what you’re thinking, don’t be smart and think 3 kegs of beer 🙂 . This rule can be difficult to follow at times, but I find 3 bottles of beer still gives me the buzz, without completely losing the plot.

All the best.

WB