Anxious and paranoid all the time - care too much what people think

[mackabee66]

Hi all

Does anyone have any tips on how to stop caring what people think of me?

I have suffered with a particular type of anxiety for 30 years now. I have always had low energy levels and chronic fatigue. This has affected my walking slightly. I always get people smirking at me in the streets when they see me walking towards them and even work colleagues try and avoid walking anywhere with me.

The more this goes on, the more my brain has reinforced these feelings. This affects every part of my life including going out/not wanting to go out. It has turned me into a very paranoid man.

I am 50 years old and have been suffering with this for 30 years now.

I feel like nothing will ever change.

Mackabee66

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi mackabee66 and welcome to BB forums,

Most people worry about what others think of them. Unfortunately only some of us get bogged down by it. Mental illness does amplify negative thinking and paranoia.

Have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling. If not, this is important to do. There is support and guidance available to help you to understand and cope with these feelings. If you have done, then a revisit may help. Perhaps you could start writing a list of things that you are feeling and take this with you so that you don't forget to mention anything.

As for tips, I have found it helps to realise that other people are always more concerned about themselves and how they are being perceived. After all, you are not judging others when you are out, you are only concerned with what they are thinking about you. So 99% of people are in the same boat with us and are feeling the same. It's just that most of them are better at hiding it or have learnt strategies to deal with it. The lucky ones just don't care what others think, they are the extroverts that we often envy??

Do you care or judge someone cos they are different to you? Would you avoid someone because they had their arm in a sling, or were in a wheelchair? Do you notice if their clothes don't match or if they are having a bad hair day or have a huge zit? Even if you do, does it stop you talking to them or make you cross the road to avoid them?

I have social anxiety too. One tip for social conversation is to ask questions about the person you are talking to. Most people tend to be self-centred and enjoy talking about themselves. I have used this tip a lot. Believe me, it works. You can talk to someone for hours without discussing yourself!! An added bonus is that people tend to like you, because they perceive that you are interested in them and what they think & have to say. I often wonder if later they do think about me, and what I think...cos they wouldn't have a clue about me. But I've realised, I doubt they ever give me a second thought, they would just think that it was a good conversation because their own needs have been met.

I know it is hard to change your perceptions when they have been reinforced for so long. I think someone here tried going out in their PJs, and didn't get a 2nd look!! Perhaps you could try doing a few things like that, but as always, professional guidance is recommended.

You have so much to offer. It'd be a better place with more people like you. Best wishes

[mackabee66]

Thanks for your reply and advice Jugglin.

No I haven't been to the doctor. I have been avoiding going to any psychologist either and I don't want to be taking anti depressants either.

But I may go and see someone soon. I understand that most people are pre-occupied with themselves but when you are in that moment of heightened anxiety, my mind can think of nothing else. Very hard to think of other things at that stage.

macka

[Zeal]

Hey Macka,

This is a difficult situation. As you said, being aware that others are likely to be more concerned about themselves doesn't necessarily help in the moment, when your anxiety is heightened. It's worth having that at the back of your mind, however.

You may not need medication. Using psychological strategies to explore and work through the anxiety is likely to be the first step. Most psychologists are not able to prescribe medication anyway, and counsellors certainly can't and don't. Psychiatrists are the mental health professionals who can. It's worth using this online tool to search for a professional that you think is right for you and your situation: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional Finding the right person is important. Sometimes the focus is too much on the specific therapeutic technique used, and the therapeutic relationship is overlooked. Trust and respect is essential between the professional and client.

It's worth writing down anxieties/concerns/symptoms in a notepad, and taking this to appointments. This way you won't need to worry about forgetting to mention something important.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Legion]

At 57 I've found great strength from staying permanently angry. People soon learn to stay away, the smirking stops, the anxiety stops. The next step is to incorporate contempt for them, that's when the real relief comes.

"Peace at any cost"

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi Macka,

I do understand how you feel. When that happens to me, I usually seek out a spot out of sight and while a way the time. (Hide!) Sometimes, I summon up some strength to put back in another appearance, then disappear for a while again. I probably do this at most social events (not that I attend many, but a few are unavoidable). I hope this way, no one will notice, I mean that they will remember seeing me around at any event . Then I don't have to endure the chitchat etc for very long at all.

As for day to day stuff, I am lucky in that I live in a very remote area, so don't have to bump into people very often. To be honest, I haven't been out since before Xmas.

I 'think' it's working for me atm, but I guess it isn't a very healthy way to live, as apparently social connections are important for maintaining mental health. I'm not usually quite such a hermit, but I needed to take some time out. I'm still liking it and now I don't want to 'go back'. So perhaps it is better to keep pushing yourself through, try not to let yourself retreat any further, cos now I'm not sure how to pick things up again.

A psychologist might help. There are free online CBT courses available..mindspot is one. Online CBT has pretty good results, statistically.

I remember someone telling me years ago, that when they were feeling self-conscious and anxious, they would try and imagine other people around without clothes - either undies or naked. You'd have to be careful these days, but might give you laugh!

I've probably not been much help, but know that you are not alone.

Lee

[mackabee66]

Thanks lee. Very helpful advice. I will definitely check out the online cbt courses. Maybe a useful first step before any counselling. I know how you feel with wanting to hide all the time. I do find though the more I hide from situations the worse I get, or at least the worse the anxiety gets the next time. But also facing the anxietys is blooming hard work.

you are lucky to live in a remote area. I live in a busy suburb of a city and I work in a busy city so all in all not much quiet time especially with 2 teenage kids at home !

macka

[mackabee66]

Thanks zeal for your advice and help. I will check out the find a professional link.

i agree, I am hoping in can resolve this through mental strategies and not relying on medicine.

i have heard that magnesium can be a good supplement to help with anxiety. Have you heard of that ?

macka.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Hi Macka,

Regarding the Magnesium for anxiety, I cannot say for sure but I do take it (depression is my primary diagnosis, anxiety is a common Tagalong), as well as Zinc, Vit D, C & MultiB.

Recently I added probiotics. There is growing research in the gut-brain connection and the importance of the microbiome (all the bacteria, yeasts etc that make up a huge part of our gut & body).This is worth reading up on, it makes a lot of sense, for many reasons. Neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine etc are made in the gut. etc etc Fascinating.

Anyhow, BB has some valuable resources on treatment and outcomes. There are publications that can be downloaded. I recommend 2 in particular.

*A guide for what works for anxiety *

*A guide for what works for depression *

Look under "The facts" tab at bottom left of page. Or "treatment options" Or "publications"

They are very comprehensive, covering different types of psychotherapy, medications and alternative or complimentary therapies. It gives a 'success rating' for each.

I found to them be very helpful. I'm sure there are many more resources here that may help you too.

Yes, I'm lucky to be in remote region....but at the same time, everyone knows everyone's business! So it is easier to 'hide' and be anonymous in a bigger town. How many people know their neighbours? Here, it seems we know everyone in a 200km radius!

Best wishes, Lee

[mackabee66]

Thanks again Lee. will definitely check out the probiotics idea.

Thanks for the publication guides reference too.

Cheers

Macka