anxious about going out into the world.

[bob_the_builder]

Hello, I am a new young Adult who is only just getting started on the road creating a future for myself. I was wondering if anyone has experienced these emotion and anxiety that I feel toward getting a job to support myself through life and UNI. And those emotion also towards getting a university education. I don't like doing task and other everyday things alone, I dislike driving alone and not fond of the idea of going to uni classes not knowing anybody, which cause me to have breakdowns about it. I just want to live peacefully and become finally stable. But i know that it won't happen without having hardships and challenging moment in my life to get there.  When i had job during high school I would cry and get angry before most of my shift, and I still do it to this day with preparing for a job interview -that I am unsure of taking- or anything that involves talking to strangers and new people. I tend to overthink about my life choices and what they could result in, and I also tend to be optimistic about my future. But eventually reality knocks it down, which causes me to become more anxious about my future. So, my question is that I would love for anybody to let me know if they have experience similar to this and are able to provide advice on what road I should take to help me become willing to want to go out into the world by myself and do things I dream of doing. Thank you!

[Sophie_M]

Hi there bob_the_builder,

Welcome to the Forums! We are glad that you have reached out here during a really challenging time. Thank you for sharing what you are going through. 

Being a young adult can be an overwhelming time! While it can feel like it is full of options, it can also feel scary to think about putting those steps in place - studying, getting a job, entering new situations where you may not know anyone. It is totally understandable to feel a sense of anxiety around this. It is a lot of new experiences which can certainly be a trigger for anxiety and self-doubt.

It sounds like you have experienced similar concerns in the past. Is there anything from those experiences that helped you get through that you can use now? For example, what helped you get through those interviews, or cope with those shifts at work?

If you are interested in seeking long-term support, a good step can be talking to your GP about a mental health care plan. You deserve to have good supports around you as you navigate this new stage of life.

If you ever feel like talking, please do not hesitate to reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service – 1300 22 4636 or web chat or email available at http://www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Another great option is Headspace –  early intervention mental health services for 12-25-year-olds. https://www.eheadspace.org.au/ or 1800 650 890.

We hope this community can bring some support and comfort during this challenging time. Thank you once again for sharing here 🙂

Kind regards
Sophie M     

[Ellie05]

Hi Bob the builder,

I'm in my late 30s now but I remember these feelings well. You've spent 13 years in formal schooling with the structure of an everyday routine and the care of your parents and now you're expected to step out into adulthood with no clear path, stability or guarantee that everything will work out. The thought of having to work to support yourself and finding the right option is stressful. 

I think a lot of young people struggle with this today az=s there are so many more choices today, but much less certainty regarding stability. It was hard enough for me 20 years ago. I can't imagine how difficult it must be now. Just remember that you're not alone and it's totally normal to feel anxious at such a stage of life.

I found it very hard in my first few weeks of university but it doesn't take long to start getting to know new people. I do wonder if you are neurodiverse (ADHD, Autistic or both) - I'm no expert of course but I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago and I often wonder if my social anxiety is actually autism. I see some of the things I've experienced in what you've written (the overthinking, fear of the unknown, difficulty doing things alone but also feeling stressed in social situations around new people). It's worth doing some research as there is such a big community of neurodiverse people online who can share their experiences in navigating the challenges it comes with.

[Babyleaf]

Hey bob_the_builder,

I'm currently in your exact position. Everything you've described feeling in these specific situations has been the exact same thing I have experienced.

When you said that you used to cry and get angry before your shift reminded me of the time I did work experience a few years ago. I would get so anxious I would cry every morning even after the first day, it never went away and I felt like vomiting because of the intensity of my anxiety. 

This caused me to look into anxiety disorders but instead I found myself matching up to the traits of ADHD and Autism. Then everything made sense and I was so relieved because I finally understood myself after all the confusion about why I was struggling the way I did.

I think Ellie05 is right too, you should probably look into ADHD and Autism. There's a lot of useful tips I've learnt from other neurodivergent people who have been through the same things in life.

Understanding myself more has given me hope for the future and now I'm working on getting support from people who want to help me.

Surround yourself with people who understand what you're going through and just the support of a friend is enough to keep you grounded. Avoid people who doubt your worries or disregard them as something you should push away. Good luck, I know life will work out for you. You're already doing more than me lol.

[HappySheep]

Hi Bob the Builder,

Welcome to one of the hardest times of your life. As Ellie said, we go from being told what to do every moment to being thrown out of the nest and expected to fly. You are definitely not alone. Unless you are one of those people who know from the age of 7 exactly what they want to do with their lives, the early 20s is the hardest part of your life.  Keep reminding yourself.  You will get through it.  I promise, it's not like all those lectures school teachers and parents give us: one false step will NOT ruin your life.  We no longer have to follow in our parents footsteps or decide at age 15 that we want to be a carpenter or hairdresser, and stick with that for the next 50 years.  You have plenty of time to change your mind if things don't work out.  You're allowed to get things wrong, make mistakes, and try again.  If you don't go to Uni now, you can go next year or in five or ten years from now.  Same with jobs. Try, and if it doesn't suit, change.

Whether you have, want or need a diagnosis - your GP is the place to start. It can be helpful to explore potential diagnoses online but be careful not to trap yourself into a box.  The professionals can offer both diagnosis - and treatment (if needed).

Regardless of any diagnosis, just know this is the toughest part.  If you're going to Uni, you will get used to it and settle into a routine - same with a job. 

There are plenty of things you can do for yourself to help with the anxiety.  I've linked to my favourite tips thread below.  I think the most important thing is some kind of mindfulness practice - whether it's meditation or mantras or other mind training.  Your mind is telling you things that aren't true - you need to learn to recognise and separate yourself from the catastrophising etc. that going on in your head.  I don't mean to make it sound easy because it isn't - but there are ways to help.  Have a look at this thread. And keep talking to the people on the forums here who have all been through/are going through the same things you are.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/self-help-tips-for-managing-anxiety/td-p/50482

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

Well done for reaching out.  We are here to support in any way we can.

HS.