Anxious about children's future

[Nervous_Nell]

I was wondering if anybody has experienced my particular anxiety issue. When my now 21 year old son finished school, I became extremely anxious about him finding work. This continued for several months and then I managed with medication and counselling. The anxiety came back the following year and this time it was mainly about my then 15 year old getting his license, not going to school and not getting a job. Wasn't even old enough for a license! Now this child is in his last year of school and I am back to worrying about him not getting a job and living and unfulfilled life. Anybody have any similar issue to this?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I suggest you google the following and read the first post of each.

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue Topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Maharaji youtube sunset

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[Doolhof]

Hi Nervous Nell,

I'm sure that worrying about your children is only natural to lots of people.

Would it help if you wrote down what your worries are then underneath list all the possible things that could happen, the good, the bad and the possible horrible.

Take a look at your list and consider what the reality might be.

Yes, terrible things do happen to people. Having a contingency plan in-case something goes wrong can help.

Getting negative and anxious thoughts out of my mind and onto paper where I can better consider the options helps me.

I also think it is wonderful you are concerned for your children! Hopefully the anxiety will reduce.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Jackson85]

Hi Nervous Nell, thanks for sharing your anxiety.

It is totally natural that you'd want your children to get a job, or get their license, or take whatever step is next in front of them. However wanting them to do well, and taking action to facilitate that, is different from being anxious about it. When I'm anxious about something, I tend to just ruminate and sit there worrying about what I'll do if what I'm worried about goes wrong, so then I'll be "prepared" for it. But I find that sometimes, when it does go wrong, whatever that consequence is, is way less severe or worrisome than the anxiety I felt leading up to it.

So what I try to do, though it's not always easy, is try to turn that anxiety into positive action. If you want your boy to pass his drivers' test, then use that energy and motivation to help make that happen, either through practice, or encouragement, or anything else; anything but purposeless worry!

Jackson85

[Nervous_Nell]

Thanks Jackson....it's the rumination that gets you...if he gets his licence will he be in or cause an accident will he actually go to school in that vehicle when he is supposed and I am not around. What will happen if he doesn't get a job, will he get into mischief or have to deal with mental issues of his own. I am putting all my energy into enabling him to achieve, but it is so tiresome when my anxious voice says he will not succeed.

[Nervous_Nell]

Thanks for the reply Dools. My fear is I will not be able to cope if something bad does happen.

[Nervous_Nell]

Thanks for the suggestions Tony

[Jackson85]

Hi Nell,

If you follow that train of thought, it will never end. "I'm nervous that he won't pass his test, but if he does, I'm nervous that he'll have an accident, and if he doesn't, I'm nervous he'll drive somewhere he's not meant to, and if he doesn't..."

This train of thought is a really common trap that we fall into, because you could take it ALL the way until the end, and it wouldn't get us anywhere. Perhaps if you go back to see your counsellor, or even just in your own time, have a look at cognitive behavioural therapy. It basically says that we let our worries dominate what we think will happen, even though there isn't that much evidence for that being the likely outcome.

Try not to fight the worry, just feel it, and acknowledge it, and ask yourself "how likely is it that my boy would have an accident, and if he did, how likely is it that it's just a prang?" I think we all have prangs when we start outdriving, but big accidents are not that common when you really look into it (despite what TAC would have you believe!)

I'm really glad you spoke out on here, and I'd happily chat some more, but it would be great if you could chat about this stuff with your counsellor too, because they are experts on anxiety cases just like this one 🙂

Hang in there,

Jackson85

[Nervous_Nell]

Thanks Jackson..I do talk to my counsellor about these things also.