Dear New Member~
Welcome here to the support forum. You sound as if life has left you with some hard problems, I can relate to that but am in a much better place now..
Having anxiety and panic attacks did, in my case, require professional help before I started to improve, however this can be expensive, as while a GP might bulk-bill most psychologists still charge a gap fee which can put them completely out of reach even if you have a Medicare Mental Health Plan.
If you can find a bulk-billing GP who is prepared to assist with the anxiety that may help. I'd also suggest the free on-line courses offered by the Mindspot Clinic, which had councilors that will help with part of the courses if requested. I've done one and found it quite good. They liaised with my GP, which was a help.
When you retire often the world seems to shrink. You no longer have the occupation and daily structure of work, may not feel of use and also the the acquaintances you knew at work fade away - after all they are not seeing you regularly and have less in common.
Can I suggest you find some voluntary work, which covers a surprisingly large field, everything from helping the homeless to assisting at a museum? This will not only give some purpose to your life but also introduce you to other peple. Hpefuly your budget can stretch to transport.
I did (and still do this) and find it makes my day.
When those thoughts of abandoning this world happen I'd suggest you reach out straight way and talk to a others, I've found the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) can be pretty sensible, even a comfort and I've felt better after a talk.
You may also find our 24/7 help line good.
Hopefully if you can find something interesting to fill the day things will seem better.
If you would like to come back and talk more that would be great
Croix
