Anxiety

[RJ_D]

Hi guys, it’s already a month, the company dismissed me. It is unfair because they can't reprimand one of our co-workers. My co-worker is my senior, I thought he would help me to learn but he is bothering me even more in my work. I was being yelled at, all my output was wrong as if I was stupid, and I also questioned myself. 

I can't sleep well, I can't eat, I don't feel hungry, I just lie down all day, I try to get up but my body doesn't want to. I have lost weight, I don't even know how to start.

I have also been told by people about what is happening to me, that I thought they would understand me, in fact they judged me more.

My heart hurts so much, I can't stop crying, I feel useless. how do I start getting up again?

[therising]

Hi RJ_D

My heart goes out to you. I feel for you so much, given all you've been through and are currently going through.

To be surrounded by stressful and depressing judgemental people definitely has quite the feel to it. If there's not a single person who's raising you to feel inspired, more conscious, more open minded, more self accepting, more self loving etc etc, it can definitely become depressing after a while. While I'd class myself as a deeply feeling gal, if there's one key thing I've learned over time it's 'I can feel when people are leading me north (in a positive direction) and when they're leading me south (into a depression)'. So, if someone was to say to me 'Get off the couch and stop being so lazy', that would be south. On the other hand, if someone was to say 'Do you know why you don't have the energy to get off the couch?', I would feel that as north. It's a good question that's going to lead me to better understand why I'm struggling so much.

Getting off the couch can be far far far from easy at times, for a variety of reasons. Three areas of question can involve 'Mentally, why can I not do it?', 'Physically, why can I not do it?' and from a soulful or natural perspective, 'Why can I not get off the couch?'. So, down the rabbit whole of self understanding, there are 3 offshoots to begin with and they can all relate to energy.

Mentally, high and low energy can relate to inner dialogue such as 'There's a good reason as to why you're struggling. You need to work it out and you need to find someone to help you do it' vs 'You're so lazy and good for nothing'. While our inner sage offers high, motivating and positive energy, our harsh brutal and depressing inner critic is a downer that's going to keep us on the couch. Physically, restorative sleep is a promoter of energy and the chemistry in certain food is another promoter. Water energises every cell in our body, as does protein. Dopamine and serotonin are exciting and joyful forms of chemical energy. Kinetic energy or exercising (energy) promotes more and more energy that can actually be felt in the form of heat, if it gets worked up enough. With all the chemistry aside, you could call soulful or natural energy 'natural emotion' or natural energy in motion. We can feel it as a sense of heartbreak, that heavy feeling in our chest. We can feel it as a sense of loneliness, feeling left alone to work things out. We can feel it as a sense of inspiration, the feeling of a sudden inner rise from feeling down. So, as we come to our senses, it becomes 'I can feel where I'm at'. The more confident a feeler we become, the more confidently we can say to people 'You know, I can feel what you just said to me and it feels depressing and incredibly unhelpful'. If they say 'No it's not', the response to that is 'Hell yeah, it is. You need to say something inspirational, so that I can feel that. I'll let you know if I can feel it'.

Do you feel you'd be able to make an appointment to see your doctor, so as to have blood tests done (for a start)? Blood tests will measure certain levels of chemical energy like iron levels, B12 levels, thyroid levels etc. If you feel you have next to no energy, could this be the first and perhaps easiest move when it comes to raising yourself a little? Start small. Perhaps the next small move, after that, could involve researching how to slow the speed of your inner dialogue, so that its hyperactive nature isn't stressing your nervous system so much. This is something that can be practiced while on the couch.