Anxiety

[Sal2645]

This is my first time on a platform like this but I thought that I need to see if it can help. I think I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life but have never known how to deal with it. I have a deep rooted fear of rejection and that I’m boring and in turn no one likes me. This has really hindered my friendships as my insecurities have pushed them away and I really struggle to hold conversations with even the closest people to me.
I’ve done well at pretending there is no problem recently but I’ve just graduated high school which means I’m no longer forced to leave the house and talk to others so loneliness is consuming at the moment. It not that I don’t have friends it’s just that I struggle to answer when they call and I feel really guilty for some reason after every conversation even if it was normal. My fear that they don’t like me is just so consuming. I want to experience like normal people my age but I’m just unable. I don’t want to make this anyone else’s problem so I need to figure it out but I’m so lost cause I’ve been like this my whole life I’m just getting worse and worse at hiding it. I just don’t know what to do so maybe venting could help a bit idk. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Sal2645,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums,

I’m so sorry your anxiety is making you feel like your friends don’t like you, anxiety is our thoughts, it’s the way our mind thinks…makes up all sorts of different scenarios and can make us loose confidence in ourselves…

I think that the fact that your friends are ringing you, is a great indication that they like you and like spending time with you…I mean, if they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t want to be including you in their lives as a friend….

If anxiety gets that overpower that it’s impacting on your daily life…maybe it might be a good idea to speak to your parents or even your GP…and talk to them about the way you’re feeling and thinking….

It’s most important that you try as hard as you can, that each day, whether it’s 10 minutes, half an hour or a couple of hours to maybe take a nice walk or do something that you enjoy, outside of the walls of your house, apartment, flat etc…it might be very hard at first but it does get easier…

My kindest thoughts Sal2645..

Grandy..

[Richju]

Dearest Sal2645,

You are very brave to have posted on the forum and I feel this is a strong first step to your recovery, so congratulations!

Constant pretending will only add to your anxiety.  It might also be a good idea to talk to your friends about your anxiety. Maybe they are feeling the same way and it could be a relief for them to open up as well.

Your negative thoughts will keep running through your mind. We all have them but the trick is not to engage with them. I try to keep busy doing things I enjoy like listening to musuc, observing nature as I take a short walk, having a nice warm shower and listening to the water going down the plughole and taking my negative thoughts with it.

It is hard to do these things at first because all that negative thinking can make us feel tired but, with practise, good habits become part of our lives.

I hope you will continue to post Sal and tell us how you are going. These forums are wonderfully supportive and we are all here to listen and encourage. You can do it Sal. It just takes little steps and you have made the first one by submitting your post.

Much love and hugs,

Richju xxxxxxx

[therising]

Hi Sal2645

I think it can become so challenging when a whole collection of natural factors come together, leading us to doubt our ability to manage a variety of social situations. One or two of those factors may not be such a big issue but when there's more than that it can feel like a whole different story. Being a 53yo gal, it's taken me decades to finally recognise

1. I can't do small talk. I'm a shocker at it
2. I struggle with conversations I can't relate to
3. Being a real feeler, I can feel other people struggling to converse with me. I have the ability to feel their struggle. Not a fun ability to have at times. Also have the ability to feel my nervous system, how relaxed or stressed it is, under a whole variety of situations
4. Have the ability to tap into or channel my inner critic, even when I don't want to. My inner critic can be brutal, anxiety inducing and even depressing at times

and the list goes on.

On the flip side

1. I can easily talk about anything that fascinates me. From the fascinating topic of human nature, to people's take on the nature of reality, to a whole variety of topics that relate to mind, body and spirit right through to absolute laughable nonsense. As long as there's no small talk, I'm good
2. Whether I have zero interest in relating to something or everyone's talking about something they all have in common that I can't relate to at all, can be hard to hold a conversation when we share no relationship with the topic
3. As a feeler, I can feel when someone's bringing out the best in me, just as I can feel them being the kind of person who puts me at ease. I can feel the ease of a conversation. Because I've learned to trust my feelings, I tend to question why something doesn't feel easy
4. With the belief that we're multi faceted creatures, I think it's natural that certain facets or aspects of us are going to be triggered to life at times. I think it involves a form of self mastery, being able to consciously tap into or channel a part of our self we really need at times. Whether we channel the clown in us that brings humorous conversation on board, the sage in us that brings a sense of philosophy to a conversation or it's some other aspect, being able to consciously tap into certain facets of our self is something worth mastering. When it comes to facets of self, I found a good book to be 'Insanely Gifted: Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel' by Jamie Catto

I think the critic in us can definitely make life feel like hell on earth sometimes. While it can be a handy facet to have under specific circumstances, when it's present under all circumstances that's no good. Can be a nasty piece of work, that inner critic, and shocking for self esteem. It can be completely convincing too. On the other hand, tapping into the wonderer in us (that'll wonder over just about anything) can naturally force the critic to take a back seat. From the inner critic's dialogue of 'You're hopeless. You'll never be good at this' to the inner wonderer's fascination with 'I wonder why there's no sense of hope here and I wonder how I can become good at this', our feelings can change in a matter of seconds all depending on what part of our self we're tapping into.