I’m 22 years old & currently suffering from anxiety & depression.
it all started from when I was in a very toxic relationship, with lots of physical & mental abuse. during our relationship I found out my partner had been with another girl & had been lying about it for several months. In this moment of time, once I found out the truth, my heart absolutely broke & that’s when I first discovered anxiety. for me, my anxiety consist of constant heart povotations & having absolutely no control over it. this feeling was all very new for me & at the time, I forgave my partner because honestly I just wanted someone there to help me through what was happening, even though he was the cause. months & months past & he ended up leaving me for someone else. that’s when the real anxiety kicked in.
the worst three months of my life. I couldn’t sleep, if I was able to fall asleep, I’d be awake by 2am. I would wake up with a pounding heart that wouldn’t stop racing, I would be so overwhelmed with feeling like this & having no control over it, that I would get depressed & emotional. I couldn’t go to work, I would drive there & sit in the car park, but couldn’t build up the courage to walk in. i felt crazy all the time, felt like I was loosing my mind, I didn’t know who I was anymore. Luckily I had a close friend who was there for me, even though I had depression & anxiety; & was down all the time, & wasn’t fun to be around at all; the feeling of having someone right there for me was a game changer, knowing that they were in the next room, that at any time I could speak up & talk about my feelings. I eventually worked out how my body would fall back asleep, by sleeping on the coach with the tv on & my cat sleeping beside me ( lame I know ), but it’s all about distracting the mind & using your senses. It was all about time, I did see a physiologist, but for me it didn’t work.
Eventually my anxiety stopped & I didn’t have it for ages. then...
years on, I started seeing someone new, & we’ve only been seeing eachother for three months, but I would over think & analyse everything. I started giving myself anxiety by thinking the worse. I guess there was always going to be that fear of not being good enough or not being loved that chewed at me. which brings me back to the way my ex made me feel & what I experienced back then. I’m currently suffering it again. Hopefully this time I can control it & learn to train my thoughts and mind so I stop myself from being anxious.
