Anxiety share-space

[Reaperbird]

Hey guys I wanted to start a thread where we can all share and vent out any quirks, habits, routines and/or feelings we have when faced with anxiety or panic-attacks. I feel it might be a positive way to share our experiences amongst ourselves and gain some comfort in knowing we aren't alone in this.

Well I'll start with a few of mine, and if you like, feel free to add your own in the comments! ^_^

- Mentally repeating to myself what I'm going to say to the shop cashier while waiting in line.

- Keeping all doors/windows closed and locked. Re-checking in case I missed one.

- Occasionally covering household mirrors with sheets/towels so no one can 'watch' me.

- Spacing out when around large crowds of people, or when there's a lot of noise.

- Replying 'you too' when people ask 'how are you?'

- Needing to know every tiny detail about what's going on before I can relax. Always having a plan B.

- Vaguely answering any questions about myself or my interests.

- Asking friends/family if they can order for me.

- Using the self-serve or shopping online to avoid contact with other people.

- Getting awkward and embarrassed when complimented.

- Sometimes letting phone calls go to message-bank instead of answering.

- Never changing my fashion/hair style so I don't draw attention to myself.

- Getting myself lost during a panic-attack, then getting in to more of a panic about being lost.

- Either answering people too quickly, or too late.

- Using body language and gestures instead of speaking because I stutter a lot.

[Evan_John]

I like the thread, Reaper. I giggled at the 'you too' one. 😃

- Large social gatherings is a small one of mine... depends on whether there is something else on my mind.
- Most powerful, is my partner walking away from me, cheating on me, or being hurt. I've had a few panic attacks or break downs in front of her because of this... it's a little confronting for her and embarrassing for me, but she does her absolute best to accept and love me as I am
- Never getting over my anxiety, or at least in time to help my relationship
- Occasionally, death
- Sometimes, family functions
- Not being enough or accepted socially

[Broncies_18]

Great idea for a thread anyway I've had health anxiety for a long time and this has led me to googling my symptoms and finding all sorts of displeasent information especially regarding my heart.

Its annoying because once I get over it once it ramps back up again and I just don't know why or how.

[Reaperbird]

@Evan John: Thanks, and yeah, it sucks when it happens, but it's good to be able to look back on it for a laugh.

And yep, I can relate to a lot of that too. Especially family functions, many of my relatives badger me about what I'm doing with my life and bully me about it. Which hurts, and makes me feel pretty crap with myself. I mean it's not really any of their business but it still gets to me.

And I'm sorry you're having relationship troubles, I'd be overwhelmed about that too. Conflict with the ones we love are always some of the hardest moments in life. You don't want to be hurt, but neither do you want to hurt them. It can be pretty intense.

@Broncies 18: Thanks! And yeah, I get anxious about my health a lot too. I have fibromyalgia which causes chronic pain. The thing is I can't tell the difference between the fibromyalgia pain, and other, more serious pain. Which freaks me out a lot and makes me worry that every pain I have could be something really bad.

But yeah, heart troubles are scary. Panic attacks always make my chest hurt, sometimes I'm convinced my heart's going to give out because of it. I've had a few hospital trips thinking my heart was in trouble only to find out it was just a panic attack. Can be a bit embarrassing, but it feels very real. I still prefer to be sure.
I'd imagine people who have diagnosed heart problems would find it even more terrifying though, because they have a rational reason to believe in worse-case-scenario.

Ah which makes me think of another:

- Worrying about whether or not I've taken my medication for the day! (Having a bad memory is never helpful)

[BballJ]

Great thread.

i have little quirks that ramp my anxiety up.

1. I have to lock the doors every night before bed in a certain order even though the door hasn't been open all day I still need to check it every single night.

2. Used to have to set my alarm in a certain order, if I missed it or stuffed it up I had to start again.

3. Need to carry asthma pump with me at all times, even though I don't have asthma, but if I don't I have a panic attack that I can't breathe.

4. Needing to know all bathroom stops on a road trip! A very bizarre one but that's anxiety!

That's a few off the top of my head.

[blondguy]

Hey Reaperbird

What a great thread..

• (As per Evan John) Fear of a partner leaving...sounds needy but isnt...if I had a partner!
• Having had acute anxiety which has morphed into basic agoraphobia without the anxiety
• Social gatherings being an issue when they never used to be
• I love Melbourne but my senses tell me otherwise...crowded and busy dont work anymore...Doh!
• having anxiety no matter how basic effects my digestive tract....Oh crap!

Great topic to promote understanding and acceptance of anxiety/and/or depressive symptoms Reaperbird

My Best

Paul

[Just Sara]

Hi Reaperbird;

My goodness your list is long. I feel for you...seriously. My anxiety began as a list of 'everything' or at least that's what it felt like. I've worked through most and am left with anxiety about getting anxiety.

Years ago at work, we had an indoor cloths horse with pegs attached. I thought it was fun to change the pattern of the coloured pegs and each day someone would change them back to their distinct pattern. I kept it up as a sort of fun challenge until a team meeting where my co worker broke down hysterically on how inconsiderate and abusive my practice was. She explained how difficult work had become constantly focusing and checking on the pegs. I felt awful and tried to console her by saying I was ignorant and stupid, and very very sorry.

I was a case manager for a woman who would walk from her front door to the power pole outside and touch it then walk back. She did this so often she wore through many pairs of shoes including Doc Martin's, and had blisters the size of golf balls. If I tried to distract or divert her focus, her response was climactic. Many months and med trials later, it dwindled thank goodness.

Interesting thread!

Dizzy

[Moonstruck]

YES!!! this thread seems just what I needed...right now! How about that! I'd been thinking as the day went on I just wanted to "share" how anxiety manifests with me. See if anyone else ever felt the same. And I found this thread!! so here goes...this morning so far....

Nothing dreadful happened. Quiet Sunday, sitting out the back in the dappled sun/shade, reading Sunday Papers with budgie beside me. No upsetting phone calls, emails, work demands. And I became fidgety and began to feel a bit, just a bit...anxious!! WHY?

My thoughts wouldn't keep still and let me concentrate on the paper articles, the quiet, the bird's company...I thought about my DVD player that's gone a bit haywire, planning which day to go to store and investigate new ones; and I usually have trouble installing stuff like that, may have to ask neighbour for help.

What day this week my sister plans to drop in - will it coincide with another visitor who may drop in one day this week too - would that matter? It's only for a short while.

going to see grandchildren next weekend on Gold Coast, special church/school ceremony for little girl. I have a present marking her special day. Does this mean I should take the little boy a present as well? He may feel left out if not. I usually arrive with a few gifts - but their mum said they have enough stuff. What is he into these days anyway? What if I buy something he already has? Should i ring them tonite - or just take a chance?

Should I put a dab of make up on? A chance a casual friends's get together may happen later today - maybe not. Perhaps I should put a bit of make up on just in case - so I will be ready if something's on! Save a last minute rush. All these thoughts go whirling through my head. I long to calm down, but all I have is a few sleeping meds to last me till I ask my GP for some more. I need them for sleep, so don't want to waste one.

I wish I could take just a tiny bit of one - to relieve this anxiety, to calm down! What is wrong with me???

[Reaperbird]

@BballJ: Good to see you again, and thanks! ^_^

@Blondguy: Thankyou.

I'm always worried about people leaving me. Not because I want to force them to stay, but I always feel like I'm unlikable or will push people away. I'm scared of dying alone too tbh.

And yeah, anxiety affects my gut too. It sets off my IBS all the time. Not fun.

@Dizzy: Yeah, it is a bit. But it's okay. I used to feel self-conscious about my reactions to anxiety, but now I just let the emotions happen and don't worry so much about it. If I act a little weird, so what? Some of the greatest minds have been known for silly quirks and anxious habits. It's often the burden of those who feel a lot, and very deeply.

I can understand how you wouldn't have meant it. Anxieties can be difficult to understand since they often aren't rational, it makes them hard to predict or figure out, even for the person with anxiety. So knowing what will upset someone can be impossible unless they (or someone close to them) let's you know.

That must have been so overwhelming for her. When anxiety takes over your life it's so hard to cope with because you know it's irrational, but you can't stop it either.
But I'm glad she got support and improved, it must be such a relief for her.

@Moonstruck: I'm glad this can be of some help. ^_^

I always find it's when I'm trying to relax that those pesky worries start flooding in. It's like my brain doesn't know the meaning of calm. It can really affect sleep, and waiting for appointments/calls/in line can be awful.

I hate getting things repaired personally, especially if it means going to the store or having them come to my house.

Kids can be tough to buy for can't they? Especially when they already have everything. I never know what to get my younger siblings, they are all so different and always changing their mind on things.

I don't wear make-up personally, but I do worry about unexpected visitors (despite rarely having them). I'm always fussing over my house being presentable, and get stressed when I'm too tired or ill to tidy up.

I don't think anything is wrong with you. Just normal anxiety stuff. But yeah, it would be nice if there was a pill to just make it stop so we could catch a break. Like a mental vacation from stress and worry.

By the way, your budgie sounds very cute. Be sure to give it a pet from me. ^_^

[Reaperbird]

Well, my anxieties for this week are mostly about my health. I've been having abdominal pains and my doctor has sent me for several tests to find out what's going on.

But you know, all I think is, "what if it's nothing and I'm wasting everyone's time?" "but what if it's really bad like cancer and it's too late?" "am I even looking after myself properly?" "I didn't do enough exercise this week, I bet that's my problem." "Or maybe I should have cooked more vegetables?" "Oh no, I'm making myself sick aren't I? This is all my fault!"

I know how ridiculous I'm being worrying over all that, but even when I try to rationalize and tell myself things are okay, my self-doubt pipes up and replies with, "but what if you're wrong?"

I also get upset because I think no one could ever like/love someone as sick as me. I feel that everyone will leave me because I'm too much of a burden, or because I'm not enough.

I often feel ugly too. That my bad health has made me look unattractive. I think to myself, if I feel this bad, then what do other people see when they talk to me? I must look so pale, so bloated, so sick.

I know it's silly though, because when I talk to other people who have health conditions like I do, I don't see them as a burden or ugly. Not at all. So why do I think that of myself?

Anyway, to add to the list of anxiety quirks:

- Taking my temperature regularly

- Feeling as if I'm "faking" my illnesses

- Feeling as if the doctor hates me