Anxiety ruining relationship

[Jadeliza]

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I’m very nervous sharing this but wanted to give it ago.

Since 2016, I had been with my partner who I love very much. We were only young when we got together I was 19 and he was 20. The beginning of our relationship was fun and great but then stressful times started arising as I felt like the weight was always on my shoulders to support him! He broke up with me just over a year into our relationship because another opportunity had arise and we got back together a week later. Since then I’ve always felt like I haven’t been good enough and there’s always someone he’s talking to better than me which causes me believe but I’m not good enough!

Then at the start of this year he was acting very distant! He said goodnight but from the bottom of my heart I could tell something was up. I tried calling multiple times texting and he was ignoring my calls and messages everything and he wasn’t home. To this day he still says he was ‘just thinking about us driving around’ at 11.30pm for two hours. I then had no trust in him and was so scared of being hurt I ended it and regretted it the next day but he didn’t fight for us, he just walked away.

I was so upset and angry at myself and believe that what he says is true, that I argue too much and I’m never happy with anything

A few months ago he said he wants to work things out and fight for what he wants (me apparently). This whole time I’ve been very hesitant I had my walls up because I didn’t want to go through it all again and be hurt and have someone walk away for the third time. This year I have achieved so much independently like moving out of home and buying my own brand-new house but still feel like I’m not worth anything and will never be good enough.

We had an argument just over a week ago because I felt like he had stopped putting in effort which caused my anxiety to kick in and run for saftey - i had gotten back to my old self of not trusting him, starting arguements, picking at little things etc.

And again he walked away and said he doesnt want to keep going round in circles and its not going to work.

- I asked him to come over because i needed to show him something (my script) as he made a comment about my anxiety being ‘self diagnosed’. I probably should have told him when we started talking again but i didnt want to be a burden or for him to think less of me -

Now he feels responsible for everything, doesnt want to be with me but feels bad leaving me

[bipolarbeauty]

Hi Jadeliza

Welcome to the forums - the first post can be the hardest on here.

It sounds like you're really in love with him and trying to fight for the relationship to be in a better light. When I was in a relationship, I too, felt like a burden at times about sharing my anxiety. It can be difficult for both people on both sides to understand each other. For me, it was a long journey of fighting for my mental health (I was in and out of hospital and had my first admission when I was 19) and sometimes you feel alone in this journey when sharing about mental health issues.

One thing I wish I did when I was in a relationship was to seek out help through couple counselling. Looking back, I wish I reached out for the right support but I was too scared (and felt like a burden mainly) to reach out. Have you thought about couple counselling?

You sound like a very independent person - moving out of home and buying your own place. If that happened to me, I would pat myself on the back very hard.

Thank you for sharing on here, Jadeliza...feel free to post again and update us all.

Take care,
Suzi

[Gonetroppo]

I have always worked on the principle that it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to make a relationship fall apart. But it seems to me that you are blaming yourself for the state of the relationship and you are letting him blame you too. It's no wonder that you feel vulnerable and distrustful.

I have been in similar relationships more times that I can count. The game changer for me was learning how to be alone. How to be happy when I was alone and not in a relationship. Keep in mind that being alone is not the same as being lonely. When I stopped being afraid of being alone, I found it easier to end toxic relationships and to end relationships that became toxic over time. So look for things that make you feel happy and fulfilled and embrace them - things that don't depend on being in a relationship.

[yvngxblud]

The fact that you had to prove that you had anxiety by showing your partner a script makes me sad.

You should be so proud of the things you’ve achieved. You are so strong, stronger than you believe.

It’s up to him what he does, don’t let him bring you down or make you feel like a problem, you are not one AT ALL. If he leaves, it’s for a reason, the world has better things coming for you. If it’s meant to be it will, but I believe in you and this inspired me tbh.

[chloe_xx]

Wow! Congratulations moving out of home and buying your own house. You should feel so proud of yourself!

If he keeps walking away, that isn't on you at all and you shouldn't feel as though you are a burden to him. You have accomplished so many things and if he keeps walking away the blame certainly isn't on you.

Stay strong, Chloe