Anxiety ruining my life please help

[Mary1]

Hi all

my General story is posted under "coping with Xmas" thread. I didn't intend to write about myself at all but rather support others. Yet reading through the stories of people living with anxiety, I felt strongly I needed to reach out. 

I suffer from crippling anxiety. At worst which it is now I struggle to do anything I need to & can't bare leaving the house. My husband & 2 kids have a holiday planned from Wednesday & I'm extremely anxious about how I'm feeling & not wanting to affect their holiday with my anxiety. Yet we are going away up the north coast to a beachside suburb & I don't cope well with the heat or with being out of my normal routine. My biggest anxiety really will sound pathetic. My bedroom looks like someone's ransacked it & I have baskets & baskets of clothes to put away which is necessary to fix or I won't have any clothes to take. Yes it sounds so minor. But I keep putting it off & get overwhelmed by what I need to do to the pint I end up doing nothing. And I have irrational fears that people will judge me on our holiday & I feel so self conscious. This holiday is so important to my family as my husband has & continues to fight a life threatening illness. 

I feel weak, overwhelmed, struggling with an overload of thoughts, feeling unmotivated & out of control. I wake up anxious & spend days feeling so ill on stomach, constantly realising I'm not breathing propeley but rather holding my breathe too long. I feel like is someone made an unexpected noise I would jump through the roof.

for me anxiety precedes depression. I get so wound up, full of self hate & hopelessness & then when I feel the anxiety is all pervading I then get depressed at my inability to cope & my sense of being overwhelmed. Today for example I woke in full anxiety mode struggling to breathe with my mind full of racing thoughts & then felt so so down at the impact this is having over my life. Why can't I simply deal with folding & putting away a ton of washing, why am I more anxious about people looking at me or stressing over what clothes to take rather than looking forward to being on hols with my family?

Admittedley it's been one of the most difficult years of our lives. And without going into detail there are also a range of reasons why I feel burnout as well.

i just need some support that I'm not being pathetic & how to get through this time given my mind is racing constantly & I just want to hide.

Mary x

[Neil_1]

 

Dear Mary

It sounds like you’ve got a thousand things racing around in your mind;  which is making for a living hell for you.

The baskets of clothes – can you firstly stop right now & from what I’ve read, I’d like to give you a hug & & a pat on the back – & yeah, you should give yourself a pat on the back (though if you’ve ever tried that, it’s a damn hard thing to do! – I’m just sayin’!)  I say this cause you’ve got baskets of clothes needing to be put away.  Which tells me that you’ve been able to do the washing, to hang them on the line & to bring them back in.  That is huge & should not be overlooked.

When we’re swept up with the emotions of anxiety & depression, just doing those things can be a major effort, so well done on getting that done.

Let’s break this down – to just ONE basket at a time;  if that seems too much, then grab a handful of items from the top of ONE basket & put them on your bed.  Then fold the item that you first select;  go to the next one.  I’m not aiming to be sounding like anything but genuine & helpful here, I hope it’s coming across like that.  Let’s say you managed to pick out four items & now they’re folded or hung on clothes hanger – they can now be put away.  Done – awesome.

Huge effort – if you feel you may be able to do some more, then give that a go.  Perhaps as a minor distraction, take the basket in front of the TV, if there’s a show that you particularly enjoy;  or put some music on, as another source of distraction.  Bit by bit.

The other thing I was thinking – depending on your children’s ages, they may be able to help; many hands make light work.  I know when I’m struggling my daughter will give me a hand with things at home; dishes or clothes.

This holiday sounds like it is a much needed break – no doubt for your husband – the kids after their school year & for you for all the reasons you’ve described.  The key word on holiday begins with R – relax.  How do we do that when we’re so hyped up & tense.  Perhaps do up a little list of things that the fam might want to do?  So it might help to write things down, so you’ve got an idea of what someone wants to do – but most importantly, write down what you’d like to do also.

I’ve run out of characters, but do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[ci]

Hi Mary1 

Big hug I so understand how you feel I have similar issues with being overwhelmed  it's horrible. Woke up today same as you describe jumped on to read few threads so didn't feel so alone so I hope being on here helps you to.

I recently went with my kids and husband on holiday anxiety leading up was huge so much pressure not to ruin there holiday. But you know what it was OK I didn't everyone had great time I seemed to find a way to numb the anxiety like what happens when it gets so bad that my brain just numbs and I'm on auto pilot  hard to explain but I'm sure you know what I'm saying. 

Well sort of like that anyway. My kids had a great time and so glad I did it for them. I think you will cope better than you think. Don't put pressure on yourself just try not to worry and let it happen around you easier said than done believe me I know.

Sounds like things have been so hard for your family no wonder you struggling with anxiety. I hope you can see how amazing it is that you are still getting up each day.  don't focus on the things you hadn't been able to achieve but the things you have.

Try writing a list and start small cross each thing off as you manage to do it sometimes it helps me if I see progress it gives me insensitive to do more. 

Good luck with the holiday I know you will enjoy it.

[Mary1]

Dear Neil & Ci thankyou so so much for your replies.

Neil-this is a tricky situation that I'm hoping only you can figure out. You know me by a fond pet name which only you ever used. I've changed for privacy reasons whilst doing the Xmas appeal story. Please don't refer to me as you usually would due to my new user details but I think your smart brain can figure out who & what I'm saying. I've thought of you so often & I know it's been such a crap year for you as it has been for me. 

I'm finding everything in my life completely overwhelming as though I'm drowning in anxiety. I so wish my mind would stop. I'm immobilised by it. Tomorrow we go away so today I have to face all the things that need doing. I feel physically sick with anxiety. I find it the hardest thing to deal with. Because when I'm depressed it's obvious to my husband I'm not well. But with anxiety he can talk about things that need doing & doesn't notice how I'm sitting rigid, struggling to keep my breathing under control & my mind is spinning out of control. I'm also hurt because my 11yr old son who knows I did the Xmas appeal & even took part in a photo-is now using this against me whenever he doesn't get his own way. He says things like "I hate you for having depression cause if you didn't you'd let me do what I want". Totally untrue & we sat down with the kids & made sure they were comfortable with me doing the Xmas appeal & they were. He still has so much anger from his dad being unwell most of the year & from me being noticeably unwell at times.

My husband was travelling better physically when he was on steroids but it gave him a false sense of energy. I've noticed since he's been off them his fatigue has returned & he naturally feels he has suffered enough this year without my issues.

A few weeks back I was almost pyschotic. I'd start to say something then go completely blank. I couldn't take in anything anyone said, I was shaky, surges of adrenaline & knew something wasn't right. Turned out it was an overactive thyroid which can mimic mental illness. I mention it in case anyone else experiences it.

I feel so alone. I feel huge pressure to keep my anxiety at bay so it doesn't affect my husbands holiday. Yet I don't know how to hide it when it's the overwhelming factor in my life. 

I'd really appreciate any suggestions. I feel I'm drowning & I dream I'm drowning. How do I get control over this rather than it controlling me?

mary 

[Neil_1]

Dear Mary

Well I thank you so much for your kind words to me – for one thing, saying that I have a ‘smart brain’.  Those two words have never been linked together in a sentence where my name is co-located, so thank you for saying that and yes, I do remember you from past posts.  But from hereonin, Mary it is.

I’m really pleased that you’ve been able to outline all that has been and is happening – I seem to recall that your supports on hand aren’t that many and it seems that there’s still no-one who you can call on for support, help or just a shoulder to lean on.

Do you have a psych that you’re seeing reasonably regularly?   Have they got you on any meds?  I know I don’t think I could function with my anxiety if it weren’t for my meds that I take.

This holiday of yours is wow, very fast coming up – as in, it’s almost here.  I hope that once you’re at your destination you can somehow treat it as a massive escape from everything that you are currently cruelly experiencing.  Maybe different surroundings might give you a boost – cause even though where-ever you’re going is going to be home to so many people who already live there – for us when we travel and arrive at our destination, it’s the holiday concept that makes things exciting, different and special.  I really hope that you can embrace this feeling, to take things a lot easier;  to relax and to enjoy.

I wish I could say things or do things that would make your troubles and issues ease up and not be so terribly hard for you.  I wish I had the right things to say to how to deal with an 11yo who is clearly not aware of the depth of hurt that his words have upon you.  He’s very young and has got so much to learn in front of him, but for him to be speaking the way he has been is not right and it’s really hard to advise how to deal with him.

I so hope you can take some time out on your holiday and for you to get some much needed rest but on top of that, that you can find some things on the holiday that you find enjoyable.  You really deserve some good things to happen for you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Mary1]

Ps Neil-I go back to being the "old me" on 1 January so I'll look forward to you reverting to your fond nickname! Did you see the photos & Xmas story?

x Mary 

[Neil_1]

Dear Mary

Yes I did see the story and photo – was wonderful seeing it.

Please, I hope you have a really relaxing and enjoyable holiday.  If you’re not smiling at the moment, then please put one on your face – you can feel the cheek muscles change and at the same time, the eyes feel as though they lighten up and become a bit sparkly as well.  Do this whenever you’re feel low – it’s a good little exercise.

PLUS if someone sees you smiling, it makes them wonder what you’ve been up too !!

Have a very Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year.

Neil

[Mary1]

Oh Neil you made me smile during a sobbing fit. We arrived up in Qld today & as I've been so anxious lately the first thing I did was burst into tears & tell my husband he should have come without me as I just can't put on a mask & I didn't want to ruin the holiday for him & the kids. I think being out of my comfort zone just threw me as I'm feeling so fragile. I'm worried I'm going to ruin the holiday for the family with my overwhelming anxiety. I've even contemplated leaving them & going home but that would be cruel. My husband & kids are real beach lovers & im not so I'll have to work with that. They are also planning a day at wet n wild which I'm dreading-see I'm being a total party pooper due to this crippling anxiety. I really can't seem to control it which makes me so distressed. My husband has been so looking forward to this holiday & in the state I'm in I dread ruining it for him. Then the depression sneaks in due to me feeling so low about the impact of my anxiety on others. I feel so very low & hope for a miracle that I'll pickup in mood & that my irrational but overwhelming anxiety will lesson for my family's sake as well as my own. I hate anxiety it's a terrible overwhelming state of mind that takes all joy from my life.

mary xxx