Anxiety over everything. personality disorder? OCD? Help!!

[Shivers88]

Hi guys,

ive recently been diagnosed with GAD and depression, also chronic stress.

I had a meltdown about 8 weeks ago, and haven't been able to properly function since.

Anxiety has always been my biggest issue, about future events that haven't happened yet, I get intrusive obsessive thoughts which I am now trying to manage, ongoing stress, and low lying depression ( always flat, and just getting through the day) I have angry outburst as well, which I have been controlling as of late. I'm always trying to make everyone else happy so I can be happy, if the next person is having a bad day, I would always feel their emotions and also have a bad day. What does it mean for me to feel people's emotions and to fell very distressed about it? Since my breakdown I've never really been able to be alone with my kids or myself, as I get scared? So I try my best just to be around people or go for walks so I'm not at home thinking!

this is also one thing that has been bothering me on and off now, is that I suffer from intrusive thoughts (OCD) and when I'm alone in a quiet house of something, I also get this fear of hearing voices or seeing things that aren't there, ( I've never heard voices or hallucinated ever) but it's like my anxiety is making think and I get paranoid? has anyone experienced this? Is there any right or wrong way to feel with anxiety or depression? it drives me insane! So I have to out background noise on. Even when I can hear the slightest noise, I'll ask my partner or mum if they heard it too? So I don't think im going mad. 😞

I also, over the years, have instated and copied people's personalities, it's usually someone who i inspire or I think is pretty. It's super stupid and changes from person to person, depending on who I meet. It's like I can't be myself, I've always tried to be other people, so every single time i do something on a daily basis, I mentally ask my self "Is this normal?" "am I doing this right?" I'm totally over it!

I feel like I have borderline or a personality disorder Can someone shed my light on my symptoms. I've never taken medication, which I've been advised too. I don't take it because, of the side effects and addictive tendencies it may cause. &I my anxiety goes through the roof 😞 please help me! And share your stories with me - I hope I'm not alone.

[Dwwmills]

Hi Shivers88.



I suffered GAD for the last 40 years on and off. I describe
it as the feeling that something is going to go wrong but you don’t really know
what. It seems to just hang around and it can be very difficult to shift
without some help. I decided a couple years ago that enough was enough and I
tackled it head on with the help of a psychiatrist and a psychologist. The
results have been fantastic. I no longer see the psychiatrist or the
psychologist and I don’t have that day to day feeling something is going to go
wrong.



I resisted medication for years for the same reasons you
mentioned. The reality for me at least is that the medication wasn’t such a big
deal. Yes there was side-effects but these when away with time. The medication
helped to lower my anxiety so that I could tackle my thinking and change it for
the better. I’m not sure I could have done it without the help of the
medication. The weaning off process was done very gradually and yes like
starting the medication some side-effects came back but these only lasted for
very short times as the medication levels were dropped. I didn’t feel as though
I was addicted to the medication rather than my body just adjusting to lower
levels. My psychiatrist was extremely good and we discussed medication levels
and options. I never felt that I was trapped into having to take the
medication. It was my choice to stop or to start but this was always done in
consultation with the psychiatrist. I would go back onto medication again if
needed.



For me committing to tackling the problem and seeking
professional help is what made the difference.



You are not alone.

Dean

[blondguy]

Hello Shivers

We have spoken before and its good to see you have the strength to post again..

I do feel for you with your pain...I have had exactly the same since 1983.....and yes it does hurt....

I was anti-meds the same as you...the same fears...addiction...side effects. I understand fully where you are coming from.

I wasted 20 years of my life by being anti-meds and actually made my own anxiety/depression much worse by doing so. I was using all the natural therapies available and nothing really worked (for me that is)

Depression...anxiety...GAD..Bi-Polar...are all illnesses, just like diabetes or heart disease. They all require even some basic low dosage medication just like a physical illness...

The meds arent a total fix...They take away the bad lows and give us a platform on which we can heal ourselves with regular counseling and visits to the doc. They will help you live life on a more even level.

Even though Positive thinking does help...its like expecting a person with diabetes to lower his blood sugar level by thinking 'happy thoughts'

My Kind Thoughts for you Shivers

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Shivers

Hello, pleased to meet you. I see you have written a few posts so you are not entirely new here. Nonetheless I want to welcome you the BB forum.

I can't diagnose your difficulty as I am not a doctor or psychiatrist. From my own experience I understand the anxiety and depression you are experiencing and also the anger. There are times when I get very angry with myself and the world and I'm not always sure why. Sometimes it's because memories of unhappy times have been triggered and I find myself reliving these events, although I do not always realise at the time. When I can settle and look back I usually know what has happened.

I try to let the emotions wash over me without fighting them or hanging on to them. Just let them appear, acknowledge them and let them go. It sounds easy but it's not really. It does take practice, but one that is worthwhile to cultivate.

Making people happy is a trap we often fall into. No one can make another person happy, especially at their own expense. It is up to each individual to travel their own road. The best you can do is offer support and a listening ear. I would like to make you happy and take away your pain. I do feel for you with all the frustrations, fears and fantasies you are experiencing. The truth is I cannot 'make' you feel anything.

It is important to understand that. There is a difference between helping someone and making them happy. I can urge you to do a number of things. I cannot tell you what the outcome will be. I have tried heaps of medications. Never found any of them addictive. Found some that do nothing for me. Had some meds with side effects. It is trial and error to some extent.

Dwwmills is right in that meds do not cure you. They help you to become well.

No one on this forum can tell you if you have a personality disorder as we are not qualified. The only way is for your GP to refer you to a good psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. I'm not certain why you copy other people's behaviour. We imitate the people we admire, but in only some ways. For example, you may imitate someone who is fit because you are not fit. This may challenge you make changes in your life. You may see that a person who does not get anxious manages their life quite well. You may decide to overcome your anxieties by working with a mental health professional. This is OK.

I think the quickest way to resolve all your questions is to start with a GP visit and take it from there. Keep in touch on BB.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hi Shivers

I am glad that Mary mentioned: "No one on this forum can tell you if you have a personality disorder as we are not qualified"

Like I mentioned above...I was speaking from from my own experience as a sufferer.

I hope you find some peace Shivers

Thankyou Mary for your kind and heartfelt advice 🙂

My Kindest Thoughts for you Shivers

Paul

[Shivers88]

Hi DWWMILLS,

thanks for for your message.

yeah I'm just overwhelmed with how I feel sometimes. It's anxiety, sadness, anger also as well. I'm seeing a clinical psychologist. and seems to be helping. ive got a long road to recovery though.

Hey, does a psychiatrist give you counselling? Or do they purely medicate?

[Dwwmills]

Hi Shivers88.

I have to agree with you that it can be quite overwhelming at times. I’m glad you’re seeing a clinical psychologist. My psychologist helped me see my irrational thought patterns and to be able to challenge and replace them over time. For me it was a long slow process but at each step I could see progress happening and over time this built-up momentum. It’s just a matter of sticking at it long enough.

My psychiatrist was there to prescribe medication as a call in consultant to the psychology practice I was attending. They are medical doctors and see things in that light. My psychiatrist was very adamant that the medication would help me with the cognitive-based therapy I was doing with the psychologist. It was her view that the CBT is what would keep me going in the long run. That said she didn’t rule out the possible need for the use of medication in the long run. It was just a matter of how well things went whether I needed to continue medication or not. The psychiatrist whilst prescribing medications knew a fair bit about CBT and supported what the psychologists were doing but did not do any counselling herself.

Good luck

Dean

[White_Rose]

Hello Shivers

It seems what most concerns you is medication. Everyone has a different story about how and why they had medication, how it affected them, how long they have been taking it, will it be forever etc. You are also asking about the difference between a psychiatrist and psychologist. A psychiatrist is the expert on medication. It took me ages to find an AD I could tolerate and my psychiatrist tried, well I've lost count, many different meds. Eventually I was taking both a SSRI and a SNRI which is a combination that is not recommended. The pharmacist queried this but dispensed it because it was prescribed by a psychiatrist.

He was also my therapist and the only person I saw, for depression, for several years. So yes, psychiatrists often counsel their patients. By the way, it's always fascinated me that psychiatrists call the people they help 'patients' while psychologists call them 'clients'.

Psychologists are focused on the here and now. They will do some work with you about your history, depending on the circumstances, e.g.abuse, but mostly they are concerned with helping you manage your life e.g. CBT. Psychiatrists want to dig into your past and find the causes of your particular difficulty. Their therapy may take longer because of this but it's not necessarily better or worse than something else. It depends.

This is a general comment and there are always exceptions. At one point I went to a mental health GP who usually sent her patients to a psychiatrist for medication and occasional review, and he was happy for her to provide the counselling. So all combinations are possible. It depends on your needs and how best to help you. There is no 'one size fits all' and no approach is necessarily better than another. As your therapy progresses who, how and where it happens may change. Not because the previous way wrong but because you are moving on with your journey.

It's good to recognise there is no fast track to health. It's frustrating at times, takes too much time, the end will never come etc. We go through all of these phases. When you have been seeing your psych, either of them, for six months, sit and have a review of where you are compared to where you were. Not a deep and meaningful chat with yourself, just considering whether you are better than six months ago, however small the improvement. It is small and slow to start with but there is usually a snowball effect as you become better acquainted with yourself.

Keep in touch.

Mary

[blondguy]

Hello Shivers

Psychiatrists do get involved with treating you with various coping mechanisms. Psychiatrists are the experts on the meds but not always. I am lucky to have a great female GP who put me on my AD's. I thought I would just clarify something I just read above.

Just a friendly note to see how you are traveling shivers

Paul

[Leaves]

Hey Shivers.

You asked if anyone else has experienced OCD thoughts like the ones you are having and I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

I'm having a lot of problems with social anxiety and other obsessive thoughts at the moment but you reminded me of where my head was at a few years ago.

There was a point where my OCD was so bad that I found myself just starting to doubt everything like you. I developed this fear of "going crazy" or losing my mind I guess. There was a time when I was sitting on the tram and I heard someone talking and I started to worry that maybe someone wasn't actually talking and maybe I was hearing voices. The thing to note is that I wasn't actually hearing voices – I was just doubting my own sanity and judgement.

Once you've had OCD for a while you start to notice that it can latch onto any crazy idea. One time I was on an OCD forum and I read a story from a guy who said he started worrying that he didn't love Christmas. Which to me sounds ridiculous, but to this guy at the time I'm sure the intrusive thought would have been horrible.

So sometimes now if I have a crazy OCD thought I can say to myself, "Oh no! and maybe you don't love Christmas!" It just reminds me of how stupid the thoughts can get. If you have a thought where you are worrying about hearing voices, you could try saying to yourself, "Maybe I am hearing voices! Maybe the voices will be with me forever! Maybe the voices will be in the style of Bill Shorten!" Sometimes if you agree with the thought and take it to a ridiculous extreme it can make you realise that these are just thoughts and not facts you are dealing with.