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Anxiety is running my life
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Hi, this is my first time posting. I have anxiety and depression and they go hand in hand. The biggest struggle I am having is anxiety around work. I had a horrible experience as a graduate going into a new career a couple years ago and ended up leaving after I couldn’t take the pressure of being told I wasn’t progressing quickly enough to their standard. I was humiliated in front of my colleagues by the teaching coordinator I have never in my life felt so embarrassed and like I knew nothing I felt like a scholars primary school student. I quit just shortly after that because I couldn’t handle coming home and crying after every shift. I asked for more support but was told they thought they were already doing that.
I work with a psychologist but I still suffer to muster any confidence I work in a different job but within the same industry. I had a break between jobs so I have been in my current job for over a 1.5 years. But I struggle with any kind of stress it sets my anxiety into over drive. I feel like I can’t bare going to work so I have frequent time off but I need the income so it puts a strain on other parts of my life. I feel like I can’t get back to normal since before my grad job. I have applied for many other jobs and had interviews but I don’t go because I’m too scared they will think I’m not smart enough or I’ll make a fool of myself I just have no confidence. Today I had a great opportunity and I let it slip through my fingers because I convinced myself I wouldn’t be able to do the job it’d be too stressful or I couldn’t handle working long hours multiple days during the week. Now I’m just disappointed in myself I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore and I hate the fact this has happened to me.
If anyone has any helpful advice I’d like to hear it.
thanks for taking the time to read my spiel.
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Hello,
Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.
It is most unfortunate that you had that experience with your first job, it certainly can taint your thinking going forward. I am glad you are getting support through therapy.
The two don't necessarily go hand in hand with everyone, for me it is depression but not anxiety. I do get overwhelmed when there is too much needing my attention at once, that stems back to a time when I put myself under way too much pressure looking after family members with cancer. When they passed away, I fell in a heap and it took a long time to start feeling anywhere near close to normal.
The thing to always remember is that you are basing your opinion of yourself on someone else's opinion of you, someone who doesn't know you and has made a judgement based on their own standards that are likely to be unrealistic at best. We live in a world at present, where everyone is expected to do 120% which is not possible and it is those expectations you are trying to deal with.
There is one thing I was thinking may be of some help to you in regaining your self confidence, and that is to do some voluntary work when you are able. Perhaps at a hospital, an animal shelter, etc. Even just volunteering a couple of hours a week would be helpful because people tend to be grateful for your help rather than having high expectations and criticising your work. This may be the way to find your way back to the self that you lost in that first job experience and again recognise your self worth. Perhaps discuss this with your therapist if you are unsure if it will help.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts,
indigo
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I’m really sorry you went through that—it’s completely understandable that your confidence took a hit. You’re stronger than you realize for still showing up and trying. It’s great that you’re working with a psychologist, and progress takes time. Try small steps—mock interviews, short projects, or stress management techniques—to rebuild confidence.
Your anxiety is loud, but it doesn’t define you. Be kind to yourself; you can move forward. 💙
